My little comfortor

As I wrote my blog post yesterday I was trying to find a cute picture of Kade and I. And sadly I don't have a recent one. I have some that we are both in and I look like I just got ran over by a truck or he running around in his underwear or he looks like an orphan but none of us just holding each other cuddly and cute! But I did come across this picture. It brought back so many memories and made me realize what a comfort Kade has been to me and the comforter he still is.


This picture brings back alot of memories. (Yes, he was potty trained but sometimes would have withdrawals and want to wear a pull-up...silly boy!) It was taken almost a week after Kooper died. I spent alot of time sitting in Kooper's room up until we changed it for Kamryn. That day I was sitting in their thinking about and missing my little boy. We had family visiting for the funeral and I was talking to Ryan at one point and then his sister Jeni at another. Kade wondered in and crawled up on my lap and just fell asleep in my arms. I remember it felt good to have my arms full and holding my baby, but they still ached and yearned for Kooper. I still go in there just to think about him and sit with my thoughts. His things are in the bottom drawer of the changing table. I am searching for just the right chest to put all of his things in.

As I went through one of the hardest things I have ever been faced with Kade was always there (not that other people weren't, especially Ryan) But he was there during the days when everyone else was at work and we were home alone. He was always there to give me a kiss and a hug and to sit on my lap and be my baby. He still wants me to hold him. Although it is usually hard because he is getting so big and Kamryn is usually in my arms. I am glad he still likes to cuddle. There were so many times that he has been there to tell me that he loves me or just simply give me a hug. He would bring up Kooper at just the perfect times. Times when I was missing him and wished that someone else was thinking the same thing I was. He misses him too. I remember when I told him that we were having another baby (the most recent one) and I said do you want another brother or another sister? His reply, "A brother, I want Kooper." It broke my heart. But it made me feel good to know that he doesn't forget, that he still misses and loves him too!

He will always be my baby...a mama's boy!

I love you Kade!