Wednesday, December 31, 2008
So today we went in for an Ultrasound where they measure the nuchal fold at the neck and measure the nasal bone. They also drew my blood. The ultrasound is done to check for chromosomal defects. My doctor warned me not to get freaked out about anything they say, because anything they might think looks a little off could be wrong and that they don't diagnose anything. He said I didn't have to have it done if I didn't want to.
I figured that I would do it so I could see my little baby kicking around. A few weeks earlier at a previous appointment I got to see on the old U/S machine the baby kicking its legs. During this ultrasound the baby wasn't as active, but was moving around and his/her hands were up by his/her face.
I also was glad I was doing this because sometimes when I look back I felt like no one said there is a chance your baby could die, there is a chance your baby could wrap itself around it's lifeline and die. I felt like I was in a fantasy world and that it couldn't or wouldn't happen to me. I felt like Kooper was guaranteed especially after 36 weeks. No one said here is the risk. I know some may get freaked out about it, but I felt like I didn't know or maybe I just ignored it when I heard it. It may have only been 1%, but that 1% happened to me. So I figured I don't want any surprises. Of course it is all in God's hands but I want to be prepared.
Anyhow everything looks good. Ryan was a little freaked out but I am optimistic and our baby looks great for now!
Below is the ultrasound from earlier today!
So I am anywhere between 12 weeks 4 days and 13 weeks 5 days. The Tech today said I was measuring right in the middle. As of now, I have no idea what date my doctor is going off of. I will have to ask at my next appt.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Kade playing Guitar HERO!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
So after Kooper died and as it got closer to Christmas I figured I could make it Kooper's tree. I decided to decorate it in light blue, orange and white since those are the colors of Kooper's outfit that he wore. I took the letters of his name off the wall to hang on the tree. Jenna taught me how to make bows, I found this cute orange ribbon at hobby lobby and made TONS of bows. Here is the picture of his tree.
Kooper would have been 5 months old today. time has flown by so fast, It feels like yesterday that I was laying on the couch feeling him kick.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Our engagement photo.
I just wanted to tell you Ryan that I love you. I am so lucky to have you as not only my husband but eternal companion. I feel like a horrible wife because all I do is sleep! My new work schedule sucks, but it will have to work for now. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate all you do, for Kade and I. For all the housework you've picked up on and having to take care of Kade alot more by yourself than you have been used to. You are such a great Dad and Husband.
Since Ryan and I have been married we haven't gotten many pictures of us taken together. So I thought I would share some from the past. Sweet memories!
Here is a picture from Ryan's senior prom in 2000.
I have not posted picture from our wedding here before so here are some of my favorites. Ryan and I were married August 9, 2003. We were sealed for time and all eternity 2 years later in the Logan LDS temple.
Some of the funny details of the wedding that I remember are how nervous Ryan was, that he would say the wrong thing. And how annoyed I was that we had to take so many pictures. And how we had to check in to the place we were staying by a certain time so on the way to our Reception/Dinner we had to stop and check in at the Anniversary Inn and I truely did wait out in the car and it seemed like forever. Well by the time we got to our recpetion/dinner everyone assumed that we had stopped "in" the room. Which was kind of embarassing, especially since we didn't. How as Ryan and I walked back down the isle after we were married my neice Tasia (flowergirl) and cousin Ryan (ringboy) kept trying to jump on the train of my dress.
Here are some of my favorite details: Our song that we walked back down the isle together as a married couple was, "When you say Nothing at All" played on the piano by someone my mom hired. And then my boquet was my favorite accessory. It was exactly how I pictured it. It had orange and pink ribbon laced down the long stems. I wish i had a picture!
That was one of the happiest days of my life. One that you wish you could relive every once in a while.
Anyways, Thank you Ryan. For making me smile and laugh for the last 9 years and being my sweet husband for the last 5! You truely are amazing, and I love you.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Anyhow I woke up and couldn't get Kooper off my mind. I started thinking about what if, what if it happens again. I started to panic a little wondering if God would think I am strong enough to go through it again. Wondering if I could ever come out sane if it happened again. But he knows me better than myself. He has a plan and really there isn't much I could do about it to change it. He won't give me more than I can handle. He has blessed me so much. All I can do is thank him for all that I have.
So I started thinking about the things my doctor told me, how he would let me borrow a doppler next time and how I would have lots and lots of ultrasounds and go in for non-stress test almost weekly as I reached the end. This then reminded me of being pregnant with my best friend Jenna. How we both went into labor on July 3rd. Lucky her, she was dilated, poor me was sent home. I started thinking about the last ultrasound we had of our little guy on July 1st. Just replaying those last weeks of his life in my mind, of what I actually could remember.
I tried and tried to go back to sleep but I just kept getting this nagging feeling. So I decided that since I have slept soooo much lately and haven't checked my e-mail in who knows how long that I would do that.
This may sound weird, but ever since I lost Kooper every Sunday I look at the obituaries in my hometown newspaper. I did it before, but not as often as I do know. I realized that I actually hadn't looked in a while. Unfortunately there was an obituary of a little stillborn baby girl Olivia. As I read the obituary I saw something unexpected. The father of this little girl was a friend of mine when I was in elementary school who about a year ago contacted me and added me to his Myspace. I didn't really talk to him much, because well I hadn't really talked to him since Elementary school.
I sent him a message right away. Because I have had so many others be there for me. Who knew how I felt. And I wanted him to know that I was there for him and his significant other. I knew that there was a reason I couldn't get Kooper off my mind and it must have been that I needed to contact him.
I just want to say Thanks to everyone who has been there for me. For all the support and love that our family has felt. We really do appreciate it!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Anyhow this saying fits a lot of life's good and bad times. When I read it I think of Kooper and how much he has changed my life and those around me. I think of how it has made me the person I am today. Hopefully a better person.
There are moments in your life
that make you and set the course
of who you're going to be.
Sometimes they are little, subtle
moments. Sometimes they're big
moments you never saw coming.
No one asks for their life to
change, but it does. It's what
you do afterwards that counts.
That's when you find out who you are.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
My little monkey would have been 4 months old yesterday. I think about him and miss him every day. Last Saturday while my parents were visiting I took them to see Kooper's headstone in person. I thought I would post some pictures, since it shows his little pumpkin Kade picked out for him!
Yesterday before my parents went back to Utah, we went to Red Robin for lunch. Of course Kade had to have a balloon. I don't remember if he picked it or whoever grabbed it for him randomly grabbed a white balloon. As soon as we reached the doors he said, "I wanna let it go!" as soon as he took one step ousite the ribbon slid ride out of his hands and flew up to the sky. I asked him where his balloon was going. He said to Koopert (he alwasy adds a T to the end of his name, I don't know why). Kade loves his little brother so much. It is so strange how no matter how well or how much you know someone that such a bond can form between two brothers. He brings up his little brother often and I am so grateful for that. I want him to know and love his little brother and to remember him always. He loves to show new people that come to our home pictures of his little brother. He is so proud. Kade is such an example to us and we love him very much!
I know I have posted this picture before, but I don't have any other pictures of Kade and Kooper together. I love this picture!
Happy 4 month Birthday Kooper! We love and miss you so much!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
He loved being Batman! Right before we went outsite he looked up at me, and said, "Mommy, Batman has to go potty!"
Friday, October 31, 2008
I thought this would be a good time to have a catalog party because of the holiday season. They make great gifts! The warmers are very stylish too!
Here is the website www.scentsy.com/jenbabe to check out the online catalog or if you would like to place an order online. You can just click on PLACE AN ORDER, then select my name and you will be able to order from my catalog/basket party.
For those of you who live by me, I have 18 of the 80 plus scents at my house, and you can see how well the product works, because I just got my warmer in the mail! Tuesday, November 4th I am having an open house from 5-7. Feel free to come on over! If you don't know where I live e-mail me or leave me a comment and I will get you directions.
Here is a little bit about the Scentsy candle warmers that got me so interested in them.
- It is not warm enough to burn anyone if the wax spills
- There is no fire! (Kade can't constantly ask me if he can blow out the fire)
- There is no fire hazard
- The warmers are stylish
- You can change out the scents whenever you want, without having a bunch of candles everywhere, and finding a place to store them all.
- Once you have a warmer the bars of wax are cheap and last 80 plus hours!
I could go on and on. Let me know if you have any questions or would like to come over. I have catalogs and samples! I am going to try and get all my orders in by November 8th.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I had to post this one too, because she has a half smile!
She has such a sweet spirit and is such a sweet baby. I love to look at her and see the milestones Kooper would be going through. She is a blessing to everyone she meets.
When Kade saw her he instantly wanted to hold her and told me she was a princess. He has a special place in his heart for Baby Jane. It is funny when he is around her always worrying when she cries and wanting to help feed her a bottle or just looking at how cute she is. He would be a great big brother to Kooper. He brings up Kooper a lot around Baby Jane. He doesn't fully understand where Kooper is, except for when we visit him it is where his headstone is and when we ask him where he is, he says he is with Heavenly Father and Jesus. That is good enough for me.
Just today while he was taking a bath he held up the octopus bath toy and said, "it's Kooper" and Ryan said, "no Kooper's not an octopus" and I had to remind Ryan that we got the bath toys as a shower gift to Kooper. And when Kade found them after Kooper died I told Kade they were Kooper's but he could have them.
Kade has a great memory of his little brother. He loves to go into Kooper's room and sit in the rocking chair. When he gets a new toy he always tells me that he will share it with Kooper. So even though Kooper's not here, Kade is a great big brother and enjoys getting all the practice he can on Baby Jane!
I am sad that I didn't get to pick out a blessing outfit for Kooper or get to watch his Daddy bless him. But Jenna helped pick out his burial outfit which was basically a blessing outfit. She shopped around everywhere with her mom looking for the perfect one. Sending me tons of pictures until we found it, so in a way I guess I did pick it out and it was perfect. He was so handsome! They would have made a cute little couple!
Monday, October 20, 2008
So if anyone knows how to fix it please help! It is no longer under warranty and to be honest I haven't used it all that much lately.
So anyhow just wanted to complain!
UPDATE!!! I just called cricut and I am getting it replaced...YEAAAAAAH!!!! I hadn't used it in so long and was so worried it was going to cost a fortune to fix. But either it was under warranty still, or it was a defect that was covered!
I am happy now!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
the cemetery to see our sweet Kooper. I was a little disappointed that I didn't receive a call from them saying that they had placed his headstone YESTERDAY. This afternoon we decided to call them and ask what the status was and it was done. I was so excited and nervous to see his marker. It turned out really nice. It looks alot better in person. The wording and the temple stand out much more in person. I am not sure why the white speckles stand out so much in the picture.
On the way to the cemetery I was overcome by the spirit. I could feel it so strong I started crying, not because I was sad, but because I knew in my heart that Kooper knows how much I love him and how much I wish he was here in my arms. To make fun memories with our family and play with his big brother Kade. I know that one day we will be together as a family and we will have plenty of time to make fun memories.
Monday, October 6, 2008
So Kerry, Connie (Kerry's best friend), and I got together today to put together our cute albums. It was tons of fun and now I feel like I have accomplished something today! My album is a progressive one. I am going to add a photo every year. It all starts with Kade's first Halloween. There are a few pages that aren't complete because I have to wait for the picture first, but I thought I would show it off.
Kade's 1st Halloween as Tigger!
Kade's 2nd as a skeleton and 3rd as Buzz Lightyear!
His 3rd Halloween decorating pumpkins!