Being there for others.

So this morning I woke up at 4 am. Yes I know CRAZY, but my sleep schedule has been so off lately that it actually isn't that crazy for me.

Anyhow I woke up and couldn't get Kooper off my mind. I started thinking about what if, what if it happens again. I started to panic a little wondering if God would think I am strong enough to go through it again. Wondering if I could ever come out sane if it happened again. But he knows me better than myself. He has a plan and really there isn't much I could do about it to change it. He won't give me more than I can handle. He has blessed me so much. All I can do is thank him for all that I have.

So I started thinking about the things my doctor told me, how he would let me borrow a doppler next time and how I would have lots and lots of ultrasounds and go in for non-stress test almost weekly as I reached the end. This then reminded me of being pregnant with my best friend Jenna. How we both went into labor on July 3rd. Lucky her, she was dilated, poor me was sent home. I started thinking about the last ultrasound we had of our little guy on July 1st. Just replaying those last weeks of his life in my mind, of what I actually could remember.

I tried and tried to go back to sleep but I just kept getting this nagging feeling. So I decided that since I have slept soooo much lately and haven't checked my e-mail in who knows how long that I would do that.

This may sound weird, but ever since I lost Kooper every Sunday I look at the obituaries in my hometown newspaper. I did it before, but not as often as I do know. I realized that I actually hadn't looked in a while. Unfortunately there was an obituary of a little stillborn baby girl Olivia. As I read the obituary I saw something unexpected. The father of this little girl was a friend of mine when I was in elementary school who about a year ago contacted me and added me to his Myspace. I didn't really talk to him much, because well I hadn't really talked to him since Elementary school.

I sent him a message right away. Because I have had so many others be there for me. Who knew how I felt. And I wanted him to know that I was there for him and his significant other. I knew that there was a reason I couldn't get Kooper off my mind and it must have been that I needed to contact him.

I just want to say Thanks to everyone who has been there for me. For all the support and love that our family has felt. We really do appreciate it!