Friday, November 6, 2009

Remembering Kooper this Holiday Season

I was going to wait until closer to Thanksgiving to announce my special plans for remembering Kooper this holiday season, but when I went to Walmart yesterday to pick up some diapers as I walked in I saw the trees! I saw trees full of tags that have things that people need this holiday season. So I decided to announce this now for all you early birds that donate and like to pick a child to donate to.

So in memory of Kooper this holiday season I want YOU to find something, toys or clothes, whatever you would like, even if you handmake it. Give something to a little boy in need(preferably a 1 - 2 year old little boy). But I want to know. So take a picture of it and if you'd like write why you picked what you did, you can mail or e-mail it to me.

I am excited to do this myself. To help out a little boy in need and to also get the chance to feel like I am buying Kooper a present. I plan to take all the pictures and post them on the blog to show the effect that one little boy can have on many.

To anyone else out there who wants to do this for their family member who has passed on especially those Angel Babies out there. I think it would be great to see the effect our children can have on others.

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Thursday, November 5, 2009

I couldn't think of a title for this post, so there isn't one. I know that everybody grieves in their own way. I am not one to judge the way somebody wants to grieve, really it isn't my place. I wouldn't want someone else to judge the way I grieve because we all do it in our own way. But this is my blog, and I really would like to get some words off my chest.

I follow a blog of a Mother grieving the loss of her twin boys. She announced on her blog that she will not be celebrating the holidays this year. These would be the first holidays without her boys. I understand that this might be hard. Actually I understand that it is VERY hard. I know, I have been through it. I know it is hard, but honestly how can you not give thanks for the things you do have? How can you not give thanks for your healthy body, a wonderful husband, a job, a place to live, food on the table, and even getting the chance to carry your sweet babies, even though it was for a short time? Even though they aren't here now and I KNOW it's heartbreaking, but knowing that they are safe in our Father's hands? I know people who would give anything to have the chance to just be able to carry a baby, and know what it feels like to feel them kicking and moving around. I don't know her religious belief. I do believe she has some sort of belief in God because she calls her babies Angels.

Which brings me to the next subject, how can you NOT Celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ? He died for us so that we can live with our Heavenly Father again. He made the ultimate sacrifice and is an example to all. He is who we strive to be like.

To me all this sounds crazy. Some may disagree and that is where I say again, this is my opinion and this is my blog.... Others commented on her blog that they understood why she didn't want to celebrate these holidays. I wanted to post that I couldn't understand. I don't get why she wouldn't celebrate these holidays. It's tough, but life it tough and you just have to make the best of it. Maybe you cry the whole day wishing your babies were with you, but that is when you don't care what others might think of your crying the whole day, You have the freedom to cry whenever you want, no one will judge.

For me these Holidays bring excuses to talk about Kooper and to display certain things. For example at Christmas time we have a special tree for Kooper that I display the letters we bought for his room to hang on the wall, and special things that were bought just for him.

This year I have something special planned to celebrate Kooper as a part of our family and also help out a little boy too. I can't wait to tell you all, but that is for another post.

I don't mean to judge the way someone grieves, but I just couldn't help writing my feelings towards it. You never know maybe she reads my blog and will change her mind.

So to those out there missing a family member who has passed on, think about the real reason for celebrating the holidays and also consider asking yourself as I do as the holidays came around last year, "What would Kooper want me to do?"

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!!!

Our Hallween was done by 8pm! Kade got a bucket full of candy and I got a few picturs of Kade and Kamryn in their costumes. We walked up and down a couple streets and Kamryn fell asleep so I went back home to pass out some candy. We didn't get to the pumkin carving like I thought we would. Maybe we will do some pumkin carving a little late this year, maybe tomorrow? Besides what else am I going to do with 3 pumpkins???

My favorite of those two!








Awwww.....what a nice big brother!


Yesterday Kade, Kamryn and I went to Mesa to see Jenna, Sumner, and SarahJane. We dressed up the girls in their witch costumes and did a little photo shoot. SarahJane was not into getting her picture taken.
I think this one is funny, it looks like Kamryn is laughing at SJ running away!
And there she goes again!


Now it looks like Kamryn is making silly faces behind her back!





Out little witches!

I hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween!

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Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's been a while since I updated my blog.....

On Tuesday we went to see Kooper and put some new Sunflowers in his vase and I was so very happy when I got there and saw that the vase hadn't been ran over and that his little purple guy with his sign saying, "I'm a Big Brother" was still there! I think that it was the first time I left the cemetery and been at peace. I usually end up crying the whole way home sad because I don't have my little monkey with us and mad at whoever messed up his vase or stole a decoration we had left there. Of course I was sad that he wasn't here but I think I am becoming more at peace with it everyday. I miss him like crazy though!


I think it brought on a dream about him. I hardly ever have dreams about him. I don't really remember the dream, but I remember our family being together picking Kooper running up to me and scooping him up and hugging him in my arms...a little 15 month old boy. The only strange thing was that he had blonde hair! It was as if he had never left us. Suddenly I woke up and he was gone, only I was looking for him. For a few seconds I actually believed he was here. I searched in the bed frantic and within seconds realized that it was only my dream.

It doesn't seem strange to me that I woke up thinking he was here, because many times after I had him I would wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if it was all a dream, or nightmare. And I would put my hand on my stomach and realize that he is not here. That hasn't happened in a while.

What I would give to hold him in my arms again! My Kooper! Tomorrow we are carving pumpkins. I bought 3 pumpkins, one for each of my kids.


Some other Halloween fun that we have been up to is today Kade and I made some yummy dirt dessert with gummy worms and all! It was YUMMY!










It is weird to think back to last year. Thinking of the fall and going through our first holidays without Kooper. I think it will be a little easier this year, but who knows I guess we will just have to wait and see.

I am excited for the fall to be here. The cool weather, and all the fun Holidays! I am already planning for Thanksgiving, and Halloween isn't over yet! For any of you that know me well, you know I am not a fan of Thanksgiving food (mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams...just to name a few) So this year if we end up having it at our house, we will be having a "Perry" Thanksgiving dinner with non-traditional Thanksgiving food. I am kind of excited for it!

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

4 months and 4 1/2 year check ups

Yesterday was a dreadful day, not only did I have to take both Kade and Kamryn to the doctor for check-ups I had to hold them both down while they each got 4 shots! Kamryn is a growing girl and is in the 95% for her height and weight!

Kade is in the 75% for his height and weight. He was not too happy to find out that he would have to get shots though. He refused to talk to the doctor. I think he is scared of people in scrubs! Finally when she asked him if he had a bike he opened up and started talking until she wanted to check his male parts! I honestly don't remember them doing that since he was a baby. But then again this is a different doctor. I feel like he is going to be scarred for life after having to hold him down not only for that but then again so they could poke his legs 4 times! It was funny because he refused to take his bandaids off until this morning when I reassured him that Kamryn's were off. He still walks funny when he first stands up from sitting down. I am sure they are tender. Surprisingly I do remember getting those "kindergarten shots" as a little girl too. I remember I stayed the night at my Grandma Alder's house that night and the next day when I tried walking down her stairs my legs hurt a little bit.


Here is Kade showing off his bandaids.

Today Kamryn had a low-grade fever but all is well now except for the fact that she must have a tooth trying to break through her lower gums...I know it probably won't actually start to try and actually breath through the top gums or have a bump for a while. But that girl screams and screams until you give her something to chew on and if you don't she grabs a blanket near her or her first and starts chewing on that. She is also slobbering soo much! I thought I still had a while before I had to worry about teething...I guess not, but I am sure it will be a long while before I find any relief.

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Kamryn's Echocardiogram

I was so relieved to find out that Kamryn's little heart it perfectly fine and that the Murmur is indeed what the cardiologist thought, Peripheral Pulmonary Stenosis, which she will grow out of. I got a little nervous because they did the echocardiogram and thankfully she slept through practically the whole thing! She woke up at the end and then we awaited the results. The cardiologist came back in and asked if she could get a better look at one more area of the heart before she talked to us and that had me worried, but I didn't show it! So they took her back in and she wasn't so pleasant this time around. So we fixed her a bottle to keep her calm. After the ultrasound tech was done the doctor told us the best news ever! So Ryan and I are sooo relieved and happy that we don't have to worry about our little princess.

On a very funny note when the U/S tech was done with the Ultrasound she went to scoot her rolling chair across the floor and it flipped out from under her. It probably wouldn't' have been so funny if she got hurt but she was fine. I feel much better when others embarrass themselves because I feel like I do that way too often!

I am so GRATEFUL for the good news! Thanks for all those who had us in their prayers, we really do appreciate it! I don't know if I could have handled it if Kamryn needed surgery or something more serious. The thought of losing another child is my worst fear, probably anybodies worst fear. But for someone who has lost a child it makes you realize how precious your kids are and what a miracle it really is to have them here, happy and healthy!

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Saturday, October 17, 2009

Kamryn's 4 Months Old!

Today Kamryn is 4 months old. Her personality it starting to come out and she loves to laugh! She loves to have her diaper changed and enjoys playing on her play mat, batting at her toys and jumping in the jumperoo. Although she doesn't jump a ton yet, she loves standing in it and looking around. Yesterday I fed her some sweet potatoes. Her first food besides rice cereal, which I have given her a couple times. I couldn't shovel it in fast enough. I guess she is use to the continuous bottle and wasn't too happy when I stopped in between bites!









Eating sweet potatoes!



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