Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Book: Mockingjay....great book, I loved the ending but wish it was written differently. You will understand when you read it, if not let me know..I don't want to spoil it for anyone else.
Movie: Babies...thought I was going to love it. The couple from the U.S. were kind of weird and I don't think they represented American Culture (whatever that is) very well. Don't think I could watch it again.
Movie in the theater: Grown Ups...super funny. Laughed out loud most of the movie. Definitely would watch it again!
Shopping: H&M...had some awesome clothes for cheap....some were weird but loved most of what I saw. It was worth the drive to Scottsdale.
Treat: Kroger brand Baby Ruth ice cream...super yummy! Loved every bite of it and it's cheap!
Food: Johnny Rockets...went there today and had an awesome burger...their french fries were delicious... very comparable to Crown Burger (who has the best french fries ever). I really wish they had fry sauce though. If you haven't had fry sauce you need to. It's soo yummy!
Job at home: Being a mom. I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything.
Coming up with a blog post tonight: Super hard and I am glad I thought of something.
Tried something new or really enjoyed something you have done recently...please share, I want to try something new.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Ryan and I are still debating over the color of this sweater....is it a black or a blue stripe??? I think blue he thinks black. He still disagrees with me after seeing it! What do you think?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I did enjoy the Sunday school lesson (the whole 5 minutes I was in there). It was on trials or something like that. They were talking about how some grow stronger and some turn the back the to the Lord after a trial. Some would ask the Lord what have I done to deserve this? The sweet lady who took care of Keegan for me made a comment about the topic . I don't have her exact words but this is what I remember her saying, "Every trial is a blessing and every blessing is a trial. You have to take a blessing (trial)and ask Heavenly Father what he wants us to learn from it. We weren't put here on earth to lay around and read magazines and let the maid do all the work. We are here to grow"
I can relate to that so much. I have had a very hard trial with losing Kooper. I was lucky to let that trial help me grow closer to my Heavenly Father. Don't get me wrong I wondered, What did I do to deserve this? Why is this happening to me? Why me? Over and over. But those words above that this sweet lady said reminded me why we have trials. I am here to grow to have blessings (trials) so that I can grow and become a better and stronger person. It's not always fun to have these kind of blessings but I am grateful for my faith that helps me get through them. There are still days I am sad or just want my baby but I have come along way. I have grown. There are fewer bad days, but that doesn't mean I don't think about Kooper on the good days. He is always on my mind and in my heart. I love and miss that boy! I wanted to go to the cemetery today to take in him new flowers, but I didn't have any new flowers for him so hopefully this week I will be able to go out there.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
She is growing up too fast. She has a love for taking all her clothes out of the dresser one piece at a time! She hasn't leanred to love to put them back though! I guess she gets it from me. I remember in high school I would get a shirt out and try it on and then I didn't like it so I just rhrew it on the floor and grabbed another one. Before I knew it half my clothes were on the floor. I hated putting them away. She is so stinkin cute lately with her talking and babbling and climbing and laughing. She is such a fun girl. Although I wasn't really excited or happy to put back all the clothes, it did give me a chance to go through some of them and pack away the ones that she outgrew. Love this girl! I look forward to all the fun girly stuff we will get to do.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I asked Kade why he added an A to his name...he doesn't know why but he likes it that way. I also don't know why his a and d are backwards. He actually knows the d is wrong, he tells me it's a b which is what it is...I guess maybe he wants to chance his name to Kabe!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Ryan: Have you kissed a girl?
Ryan: You should only kiss your Mom.
Kade: I kissed a girl on the play place.
Ryan: Oh you did. Who did you kiss?
Kade: The girl in the yellow shirt.
Ryan: What was her name?
Me: Where did you kiss her? On the cheek?
Kade: No....on the hand!
Me: Thinking, thank goodness.
Ryan: Why did you kiss her?
Kade: We were playing Dragon Slayer and I was the prince. She was going to die and I saved her.
I have no clue what is up with Kindergartners and Indian burns. I just read a blog post the other day about Indian burns but yesterday at the store I look over and Kade is giving Kamryn an Indian burn. I yell at him and then ask where he learned that. He said, "From Tommy, it feels good!" Well Kade and I had a talk about Indian burns after that. He still says they feel good. I remember I never thought they felt good as a kid. My older sister Bree liked to give them to me!
Something Kade is doing well at is writing his letters. He didn't like to trace them very much but looking at the work he has been doing in school he is improving so much already. He has also been learning lots of new songs. I always here him singing to Kamryn in her room. Yesterday it was BINGO! So cute!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sorry Mom! My intentions were good....
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Kade: said something that I am not going to repeat.
Me: We don't say that Kade.
Kade: Well a kid at school said it.
Me: Well we don't say it and Heavenly doesn't like it when we say things like that. It makes him sad.
Kade: Well I just want my brother Kooper to come back to live with us.
Me: I am sorry Kade, he can't though.
Kade: Well I just want him. Don' you want him to come back?
Me: Of course I want him to come back but he can't. One day you will get to see him again.
Kade: I remember seeing him when I was 3. (He was talking about when we had his funeral)
I feel bad when Kade talks about wanting to see Kooper again, I wish I could change things sometimes, but it also makes me happy that he remembers and misses him too and that he hasn't forgotten his little brother.
Love my boys!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Yesterday when I started this post was one of those Why days. Today I am doing better. I know that one day I will know the true reason why Kooper isn't here, I just have to be patient.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Part of their website includes To Write their Names in Sand. You can have your child's name written in sand. They are beautiful. Unfortunately whenever I have gone to request Kooper's name they weren't taking names at the time. Eventually I will get it. The Day of Hope gives hospitals boxes to send home with the Mother's who leave with empty arms. It is such a neat website.<>
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
New clothes (the way the make me feel and the way they feel. They are never the same once you wash them.)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Which brings me to my memory Monday...
I remember always having "hot lunch" at school which meant we had school lunch, cold lunch meant you brought your own. I don't know why, probably because it is easier, but we always had hot lunch. Very rarely my mom packed me a lunch unless I begged her. So one day I snuck my own cold lunch to school. It was uncooked package of ramen noodles. YUMMY! I thought it was an awesome lunch.The best part of school lunch was the chocolate milk.
I will have to update the picture of him getting off the bus tomorrow when I get off work.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
It isn't letting go,
it's going on.
It isn't only shadows,
and it isn't only dawn.
It isn't getting through it,
it's letting it come through me.
Not living in the darkness,
though the darkness I can see.
It's living with the sorrow,
but finding memories sweet.
It's knowing it takes both sides
to make it all complete.
It's soaking up the sunshine,
along with all the rain.
It's learning to let laughter
live side by side with the pain.
It's knowing that the past
won't change a love that's real,
or take away the joy you brought,
or the sorrow that I feel.
It's knowing tears and laughter
can live on the same face,
and knowing that your impression on my heart
can never be erased.
I love you Kooper and everytime I think about you it's almost like I can feel the impression you have left on my heart.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
A few weeks ago someone asked me, "Was it weird to have family pictures taken at the hospital just after you had Kooper?" It is a valid question. One that I might consider asking someone if I hadn't gone through the experience myself. Before I held Kooper I had never touched a dead body. I was so unfamiliar with death. I hadn't lost someone so close to me. I lost relatives I didn't know well but had never lost someone so close to me. Some may think it's weird that I have pictures of Kooper all over my house. It is my way of remembering. I cherish all the pictures I have of my sweet baby, every single one of them. It was hard to k now how to act when our photographer took our pictures. Should I smile? Should I not cry? All I did was be myself. I found myself crying at times and just enjoying spending time with him in that moment. Although it wasn't joyous I was grateful to have the chance to hold his perfect little body in my arms. It was so sad and devastating but we knew that Kooper was in a better place and that one day we would join with him and be with him again. I am glad to have a picture of our family at that point and time. It hangs in my living room. I can't take it down even though we have a new family picture. Those pictures mean more to me than all the other material things in my house.
Last night Kooper was so strongly on my mind. I miss him so much. I sat and looked through his scrapbook after watching his video and just thought about him and what he would look like and what his personality would be like. I yearn to hold him in my arms and give him hugs and kisses and hear him giggle and listen to the way he talks. Little did I know that today I would find out that a friend from church was going through what I went through just over two years ago. My heart is aching for her and her family. It is one thing to meet someone new that has gone through this, but it is a much worse feeling when you actually know someone who is pregnant and then to hear that they lost their baby. My stomach is in knots. I am in shock and it is just so sad and hard to believe.
Please pray for her and her family.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I haven't completely done everything I planned but tonight I started the "token idea". Because I don't have tokens laying around, I have a ton of dimes from when Ryan and I collected our change, I am using dimes. So tonight Kade got a dime for eating all his dinner and a dime for putting his dishes in the sink and a dime for other times that he listened without whining. He has also already had 2 dimes taken away.
At school he comes home with a sheet that says how good he was. If it's a green light he was good, a yellow he was okay and a red means he was bad. So as for the "tokens" he will get a token if he get a green light, he will break even if he gets a yellow light and he gets one taken away if he gets a red light. I think that this works better than stickers which we have done before because it's hard to take a sticker away that has already been stuck to the paper. I think it will be good because he will also be able to really learn the value of money. Although some may not believe in "paying" their child for behavior that should be expected, I am willing to try anything right now!
Hopefully it works out! I will let you know how much of a success it is....