Friday, August 13, 2010

Missing you

Last night I wrote this post...

A few weeks ago someone asked me, "Was it weird to have family pictures taken at the hospital just after you had Kooper?" It is a valid question. One that I might consider asking someone if I hadn't gone through the experience myself. Before I held Kooper I had never touched a dead body. I was so unfamiliar with death. I hadn't lost someone so close to me. I lost relatives I didn't know well but had never lost someone so close to me. Some may think it's weird that I have pictures of Kooper all over my house. It is my way of remembering. I cherish all the pictures I have of my sweet baby, every single one of them. It was hard to k now how to act when our photographer took our pictures. Should I smile? Should I not cry? All I did was be myself. I found myself crying at times and just enjoying spending time with him in that moment. Although it wasn't joyous I was grateful to have the chance to hold his perfect little body in my arms. It was so sad and devastating but we knew that Kooper was in a better place and that one day we would join with him and be with him again. I am glad to have a picture of our family at that point and time. It hangs in my living room. I can't take it down even though we have a new family picture. Those pictures mean more to me than all the other material things in my house.

Last night Kooper was so strongly on my mind. I miss him so much. I sat and looked through his scrapbook after watching his video and just thought about him and what he would look like and what his personality would be like. I yearn to hold him in my arms and give him hugs and kisses and hear him giggle and listen to the way he talks. Little did I know that today I would find out that a friend from church was going through what I went through just over two years ago. My heart is aching for her and her family. It is one thing to meet someone new that has gone through this, but it is a much worse feeling when you actually know someone who is pregnant and then to hear that they lost their baby. My stomach is in knots. I am in shock and it is just so sad and hard to believe.

Please pray for her and her family.


1 comment:

Brian and Jessica said...

When my Mom called me on Thursday to tell me I was SHOCKED too!! I've know this family for over 10 years, my heart breaks for them as well. But thank heavens they have the gospel and a wonderful ward family!! I know that they got pictures, that was the most important thing and I made sure they understood that. The pictures are the MOST important, you and I both know that!! Thank heavens for pictures!