For Kooper

In an earlier post I mentioned something that we would be doing for Kooper this Christmas. I wanted to donate a present to a little boy that would be Kooper's age in honor of my special little guy! I searched and searched the Angel Trees at Walmart and there were only clothes and almost every one was for an older kid. Not that I didn't want to donate to an older child but it really meant something to me to donate to someone that was Kooper's age.

So I just went ahead and bought something that I think I would have given Kooper this year if he were here. I bought this BIG legos. Because Kade is so into his legos lately. I figured that Kooper would want to do what his big brother would be doing. And that Kade would probably enjoy helping Kooper put together a lego tower and show him how it all works.

My friend Jenna mentioned to me that there were 2 boys around Kooper's age at her clinic that were on an Angel tree there so I donated it to the little boy at her clinic. Here is a picture of the items we donated to the little boy.

I am not sure if anyone else donated something in honor of Kooper. But I am glad I was able to. I got a message on one of my blog entries that Teri donated a basketball in honor of him.

Thanks to everyone who did something! I am sure it made a little boy's day when he got a gift when he probably wouldn't have otherwise.

I was sad that I didn't get Kooper's little tree to the cemetery. I bought a new 2 foot tree and some ornaments for him. The few weeks before we left for Utah were so hectic Ryan wasn't able to find some sort of stakes to hold it down. So the day before we left for Utah we went and took Kooper this cute little Christmas stick that had a windmill type tree on it. I checked out some of the other trees to see what they used to keep the tree standing and the ones I looked at didn't have anything. So I guess we could have taken it anyways. I feel like a bad Mom not getting his tree up. But I guess at least I have his big tree up at home.

Miss you like crazy little monkey!

The best Christmas ever!

In the words of Kade, "This is the best Christmas ever!"

We had a great Christmas. I do have to say that with Kade getting older it makes Christmas more special because of the excitement. It brings back memories from when I was a kid. Although I don't remember the last time I slept in until 8:00am Christmas morning. When I was a kid we were up by 4 or 5am ready to open our presents. Actually most of the time I never slept. I remember I couldn't sleep so I would read a book or watch QVC because that was the only thing on TV at 2am. And I would constantly check the clock along with my sisters. We would sneak up and see what Santa brought and hurry back downstairs excited to go play with whatever was left up there. I miss the excitement. It kind of sucks being a parent when you already know what's waiting for you when you wake up. But then you think about the excitement of your kids on Christmas morning and that is an even better feeling!

The holidays always seem like someone is missing especially this year. No Kooper, no Carter (my parents dog). I am sure they were here in spirit though.

My favorite gift this year was from my parents. It means so much to me. It was all I told my Mom that I wanted for Christmas.

In August when we were visiting for my sister's wedding for the first time ever I went to this really cute scrapbook store called Carolee's and their scrapbook company is called Adornit! (I actually won something for the first time in my life off their blog) Anyhow I was looking through the store and they have these metal artwork pieces that are just so cute. I noticed one hanging up that was of an angel boy. Immediately I showed my Mom and looked for a price tag...no price tag. I asked the girl behind the counter and she had no idea how much it was or if it was even for sale. Her boss was gone doing a convention or something and so my Mom said she would check back in a few weeks. Well by the time my Mom went back it was gone. When she asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her the Angel she went back and asked if they had anymore and they had one in the back. The girl behind the counter asked her what she was going to do with it. And she told her that it wasn't for her, it was for her daughter and told her about Kooper. She made the girl behind the counter cry! Poor girl! Just kidding. I love to tell people about my sweet son that I long to hold. I also love it when my my tells me that she told someone about her little Angel grandbaby.
I was so happy when I opened the present and saw my cute little Angel boy (I guess it could be a girl too). When I first saw it I thought it would go so well in our play room. I haven't decided yet where to hang it, but I am sure I will find just the right place.

Here are a few pictures from our Christmas morning. Unfortunately we forgot our camera, my mom's battery died in hers after about 5 minutes and my sisters' cameras took the rest of our pictures, but they already took them home...so this will have to do.

Kamryn in her Christmas PJ's on Christmas Eve!

Kamryn's loot from Santa (by the way we got twin cabbage patch dolls, I have the other one so we can play dolls together)

Kade's loot from Santa

Kade in his Christmas PJ's and a cool Super Heroes toy from Grandma and Grandpa Williams.

Breath of Heaven

I have traveled
Many moonless nights
Cold and weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load I bare
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your Holiness
For your holy Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

As Christmas rolls around this year this song kept coming into my head. The only lines I kept thinking of were "Breath of Heaven hold me together, be forever near me breath of heaven" I grew up listening to Amy Grant every Christmas. It was my favorite and one of my Mom's favorite too. As those lines ran through my head I couldn't help but think of Kooper. I couldn't help imagining me singing those lines to him. Each day that goes by and I think of him some days I feel like I need help holding myself together and I always want him to be near me.

Surprisingly enough I hadn't even heard this song yet this year. It's on my old ipod and I am way to lazy or tired or busy to switch over all the songs. So this morning I googled it. And as I listened to the words and read the lyrics it touched me in a different way.
The first verse: Okay so I didn't travel moonless nights but I did spend many nights wondering about my baby and then God gave me this pure and perfect spirit to grow his body so that he would have one, it was all he needed. I carried a pure, perfect and valiant little spirit! God chose me.
The second verse: Is the feeling I had after I found out that Kooper was gone. How at first I felt alone. Because I actually was. But soon I knew I wasn't alone but at that moment I was alone in the room and I knew that he was gone. No one had confirmed it yet, but I saw the heart in the ultrasound. I was in shock and didn't want to believe it and I prayed that I was wrong, that I must be dreaming.
And then the rest of the song where she talks about God being with her and helping her through the rest, that's exactly what He did. I turned to my Faith and I turned to my Heavenly Father to help me through hopefully the hardest trial of my life. And I couldn't have made it to where I am now without Him, my faith, or my husband and all my wonderful family and friends. And last of all knowing that he does have a plan for me, helps me be strong!

The song Breath of Heaven

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Kamryn's 6 Months!

I cannot believe how fast the time has gone by. It is crazy. Kamryn is such a funny girl! She loves to laugh, snuggle, play with any toy she can get her hands on! She puts them all in her mouth and if she isn't chewing on a toy she has her fingers in her mouth. She has been trying and trying to get a tooth but they just won't come in. She is so funny when she eats her bottles she swings her arm and hits it. Sometimes I have to hold her hand so that she keeps her arm down. When she is tired and is trying to get to sleep she kicks her right leg. She throws it in the air and lets it fall to the mattress. It's funny to just listen to her try and get comfortable. She loves her brother Kade, he talks and plays with her to help his Mama out when I am trying to get something done and she is screaming bloody murder. He always can bring a smile to her face just by him saying her name. She definitely has a temper and a voice. From day one she has been a very loud crier. She loves to eat...fruits. She doesn't like the veggies much but usually chokes them down to get to the good stuff. She is always reaching for my cup or food whenever I have something. I have a feeling that the baby food won't last for very long. As soon as those teeth are in she is gonna be spitting the baby food in my face!

She loves, loves, loves her Daddy! She thinks it is funny to bat at his face with her hands trying to get that weird pokey stuff (Hair) off his chin! He tells her to stop because her nails grow like weeds and scratch his face and she just smiles the biggest smile. I think she thinks it's a game.

She rolls and rolls, and has roils and rolls on her tummy and legs! She sits up by herself but you have to be close by so she doesn't knock herself over. She likes to rock and push off with her feet.

I need to get video of it but when I am sitting on the ground and she is in my lap with her feet on the ground she rocks back and forth and pushes with her feet and stands up. Of course she can't balance and she probably has no idea what she is doing but it's funny!

I took her to her 6 month check-up today and she weighed in at a whopping 19 pounds 8 ounces and is 28 inches long (I think the nurse over estimated a little). She is in the 95% for both. It was sad she had to have 5 shots! The funny part was that she didn't like the nurse very much. He was talking to her as he listened to her heart and lungs and she looked at him and then her bottom lip went out and then she let out a huge scream! It was kind of funny because I don't really like that nurse either. He talks to fast and seems kind of rude!

I didn't get a picture of her before the appointment and this is all she has been doing besides eating.....

My very first gingerbread house

I just had to post picture of my very first gingerbread house! I have always wanted to make one but I just never have. I remember when I was a kid my Aunt Amy would make a gingerbread house every Christmas and it always looked so cool. Then the other night I watched this huge Gingerbread house competition on TV. I don't remember if it was then that I said I wanted to make one or every time I went to Sam's Club and saw the kit. But anyhow I was soooo surprised when Ryan walked in with a gingerbread house kit! My sweet husband remembered how much I wanted to make one...and during his lunch break at work drove to Sam's club and picked it up.





I had tons of fun decorating it with him. I was glad Kade didn't want to be too involved because I wanted things in specific places and not random candies everywhere. So this is how it turned out.

Thanks sweetie!

On a side note, I felt kind of like a crazy women today and took Kade and Kamryn to the MALL!!!! Yes, I took kids to the mall by myself on a Saturday just weeks before Christmas. And the funny thing is that Kade and Kamryn were awesome. I think Kade felt a little intimidated by it being so crowded that he stayed close and held my hand almost the whole time, and Kamryn slept most of the time in the sleepy wrap! It was awesome! I have found that Kamryn and Kade are alot like me. They like to get out of the house and walk around stores. Ryan on the other hand would rather be at home watching football!

And I just had to post a few random pictures of Kamryn.

Believe

The other night I saw on the news a story about a firefighter from AZ. He was out elk hunting and there were 60 mph winds that caused a tree to fall down onto his tent instantly killing him. He has a wife and 3 young kids. It must be so hard for this family to lose a loved one so close to the holidays. It does make me feel better to know that they have the same religious belief as I do and they do believe that families are forever and they will be reunited once again. But it still makes me wonder, How can I help?

Well I went to check for blog updates this morning of people's blogs I follow and I noticed that Summertime Designs was updated, which is a digital scrapbooking blog I follow. This wonderful women creates digital scrapbook kits and lets you download them for FREE. But you can also make donations. Well she has made this year's Christmas Kit in honor of this sweet family. And any donations made will go to help this family. The name of the kit is called Believe. Go here to read the entire story and also to download your free digital scrapbook kit and then DONATE to this wonderful family.

This once again reminds me how precious are time on earth really is. To really try and live each day to the fullest and cherish the moments we have with our family and friends. Sometimes as much as I wish that it would all just go by fast so that Kooper can be in my arms again. I remind myself that I should savor these moments and make good memories with my family and friends now and I will have that chance to make more memories with Kooper one day.

Our December so far

I cannot believe how fast time is going by. Even though I am counting down the days until Christmas which makes it seem so far away! But I still have so much to do before Christmas. I think I just need the motivation.

We started decorating for Christmas the Saturday after Thanksgiving and the first tree up was Koopeer's the other one took until almost the following Friday! I love having Kooper's tree up because it is the one time that his letters that I bought and hung on his wall before he was born were once there. They stayed there until Christmas and then we put them on his tree. I am glad I found a good use for them because I don't think I would be able to get rid of them! I miss him so much. I am such a slacker because I still haven't bought a present for a little boy in honor of him. I don't think I have been in Walmart since sometime in November. I avoid it around the holidays. I think this weekend we are going to go put up his tree at the cemetery. Here is Kade helping me decorate Kooper's tree.

We had one of the busiest Saturday's ever last Saturday. Of course I forgot my camera, so all the pictures are from my phone, sorry if they are blurry! I took the kids to one of my co-workers son's birthday party at Chuck-e-cheese. Then we all went to the Surprise Festival and watched Cook's racing pigs, people ride elephants and camels, and watched the hot air balloons. Kade rode the train. He really wanted to ride the camel, but by the time we actually went to get in line they had cut if off for the night.

Kade showing us his ticket!


We kept Kamryn nice and warm. It was pretty cold on Saturday. I had her in the sleepy wrap with a nice fuzzy blanket wrapped around her and the hat I bought for when we go to UT. Glad I had it or her head would have gotten super cold. She slept most of the time but enjoyed a little people watching!
We were home for an hour before we had our church Christmas Dinner. Kade was excited to see his church friends and super excited to see Santa. He has been too shy at the mall to sit on his lap, he must be really comfortable when we are at church because he walked right up and sat on Santa's lap and told him exactly what he wanted.
I love the coziness of the holidays! To be honest I am still all cozied up and haven't left the house all day. I love it!

Sleepy Girl!

I have been busy and out and about all day. It doesn't seem like I got much accomplished and I haven't lifted a finger since I got home. But I had to post these pictures of Kamryn! Yesterday she was playing in her jumperoo and Kade was playing with her...she loves it so much she will jump for quite a while. Kade yells to me, "Mom, she won't wake up!" and for a few seconds my heart fluttered worried that maybe Kade gave her one of his small toys and I rushed over to her and was happy to see her sleeping. We have had many talks about how Kamryn can only have HER toys and that she can't play with his (especially legos!) But it was so cute to see here asleep in her jumperoo!

You know you're ________ when....

You know you're pregnant when...

-All you want to do is sleep and sleep some more.
-The thought of some of your favorite foods makes you throw up a little bit in your mouth.
-Almost any scent...even a good one makes you want to puke.
-You haven't eaten in quite a while but force yourself and yet it only make it worse.
-Your jeans are getting a little more snug even though you eat less than you normally do.
-You can no longer go running because you feel like you are going to puke at any minute.
-You wake up at 12:30 am starving because you haven't eaten in 8 hours and can't go back to sleep until you eat.
-You have to pee a million times a day.
-You have raging hormones that make you start yelling over the tiniest reason.
-You cry at least once a day (over a commercial!!!).
-You get one of these....

-You go to the doctor's office and you see a little bean kicking and moving their arms and legs and you see their heart beating on the ultrasound screen and tears come to your eyes.

Yes, I am pregnant! It is a bit of a surprise and yes I do know how babies are made. Some people have questioned my feelings, am I sad, upset or not wanting this baby? NO WAY! The thought of a newborn, of a new member of our family of one of God's greatest gifts only brings a smile to my face. I was contemplating waiting until we knew the gender of the baby, but I almost felt like I was lying to my blog...keeping a secret. Plus I want to document this pregnancy just as much as I did my last. Ryan and I are excited for the adventure! I am sure it will be one! So to all those out there who think we are crazy...(I actually sometimes wonder if I am) BRING IT ON! We've been through a lot and I think this is just another blessing!

BABY #4 expected to arrive in June 2010!

Thanksgiving

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We did, besides the fact that I never want to stress over cooking Thanksgiving dinner again! It was our first time making pretty much everything by ourselves and trying to time it all just right. All I know is that by the time I sat down and actually got a bite of food in my mouth it was a little cold. All in all it was a great Thanksgiving shared with our friends Jordan, Nickey and their two boys.

Here are a few pictures of Kade and Kamryn hanging out on the couch Thanksgiving night.

Kamryn's 5 Months

I know, I know, I am a day late in posting this and the pictures I took of Kamryn look horrible. She wasn't in a good mood and I didn't want to wait. I was sooooo tired because I switched my work days and I am finally getting back on my normal schedule.

Anyhow Kamryn is 5 months old, it's so crazy to believe! She is holding her bottle as I am typing this post, who knows how long it will last but hey it's a start! She is so funny and loves it when you sing to her. She loves to put anything and everything into her mouth My hair ends up being a common one. She is getting better at grasping things and is liking tummy time a little bit better now. She would rather be on her back though. She loves her swing, jumperoo and all the fun toys she has figured out how to grab. We have to start watching what we have in front of us while holding her because she is reaching for things. She sits well with a little help with balancing. Lately I have been using the boppy to help keep her up. That round butt of hers doesn't help! She is so fun to have in our house. Kade loves being the big brother and making sure she is okay.


I couldn't keep her still sitting int he rocking chair, and then I would try and take a picture and it was blurry. She really wanted to chew on that monkey! There are still no teeth. There is one that keeps trying to poke through, but it just goes back in to hiding.

November NASCAR race

My parents drove down from Utah on Friday to spend a week with us and to go to the NASCAR race. We all have small colds and I didn't want to torture anyone with the task of watching Kamryn plus I knew I was going to worry about her the entire time. So Kade got to take my place and went to the NASCAR race with Grandma Keren, Grandpa Tim, and his Daddy. He was excited for the park and ride because they have a school bus that takes you to the race. He had fun, and even took a nap with all that noise!
I was a little jealous sitting at home waiting for the race to start. I am glad Kade got to go though!

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Ronald McDonald House

Last night as Kade, Kamryn and I were heading home from Ryan's softball game we went through the drive through at McDonalds since I hadn't fed Kade dinner and it was nearly 7:30. When I completed the order I was asked, "Would you like to donate a dollar to the Ronald McDonald house?" Of course! I said, "Sure" and thought nothing of it. When I reached the window to pay she handed me a pad and let me write a name for it to be posted. I love opportunities to either write Kooper's name or acknowledge him in some way. So I dedicated my dollar to Kooper. After I wrote it I rolled up my window and tears filled my eyes. I thought about my sweet little angel and then I thought of the blogs I have read of Mother's staying in the Ronald McDonald houses. They have gone through tough times and because of those who donate they don't have to worry about a place to stay so they can be there for their children in need. So if you ever get the chance to donate to it, it is such a great charity.

Another thing you can do is save the tops of your pop cans. We do this in our house and there is someone at Ryan's work that donates them to The Ronald McDonald House Charity.

Carter July 4, 1997 - November 9, 2009

September 1997

Carter was the first Male we added to our family full of females. You think my Dad would have been so happy! He wasn't. My older sister Bree brought home this dog that was given to her by a friend of a friend. Well that friend of a friend got him in front of Walmart. He was so energetic. I remember her bringing him home and boy did I think she was in trouble. If I remember right my dad was not very happy. Bree was known for not asking or doing the opposite of what she was told so it probably wasn't too much of a surprise to him. He was an "outdoor" dog for quite a while. Many nights Bree would sneak him in through her window and let him sleep in her bed...eventually he became an indoor dog. I think he actually thought he was human. He thought he should have people food, should sit on the couch and he actually wasn't too fond of other dogs. After not much time he stole my Dad's heart and became HIS dog.

A fond memory from his "puppy years" was the time I was down in my room scrapbooking. Carter came running down the stairs and just stood in my room. Before I knew it he was squatting down and took a nice big poop on top of my scrapbook page. Luckily it was a scrapbook page that had a page protector on it!

Carter loved to give kisses and loved the warmth. He loved to lay by the hot hot fireplace and in the summertime loved to lay in the warm sun. If there were ever any light shining through a window or sliding glass door. He was in front of it soaking up the sun.

Carter became a big part of our family. After moving to Phoenix, when I would come visit, every once in a while we would be outside my neice Tasia would introduce the dog to her friends by saying, "This is my uncle Carter and his sister Kami." He was like a brother to me, the brother I never had.

Another funny thing about Carter was his love for my Mom's couches. If you even gave him the hint to jump up and lay by you he would do it in a heartbeat, fully knowing if Mom or Dad saw he was in trouble! When my parents would leave the house they would set up a fort so he couldn't get up on the couch especially the cloth ones because his hair would stick to it. Well sure enough they would get home and there would almost always be a nice warm spot on the couch and some hair...and sometimes a few pillows knocked off to make room for him.

He also loved to eat just about anything and he could catch anything in his mouth you threw at him, Cheerios, any kind of cereal, he even liked popcorn too. Every morning he got to drink the milk out of the cereal bowls. And sometimes we would come home to trash strewn across the upstairs. You could never leave something tempting in the garbage can. I remember a couple times a flavored bread or cookies got left up on the counter. Well you can only imagine what we came home to.

He was well known throughout the neighborhood. He sat on the lawn like a lion statue and waited for birds to land on the grass. He guarded the grass with his life. Making sure no birds stepped foot on it.

As a puppy, I along with my sisters did some funny things to him, painted his nails, dressed him up in clothes, and his ears were so long that I would pull them up on top of his head and tie a scrunchy around them.

When I moved to Phoenix I missed having a dog. Ryan was gone to work alot and I needed someone to keep me company. That's when we decided to get CJ. CJ stands for Carter Junior.

Carter was such a great dog. He was the Williams family dog. We are going to miss him soo much. We weren't sure of his birth date but we knew it was in July, so we said his birthday was on July 4th. As the years went by and as I visited back home over time I watched his brown spots get more white.

I knew that eventually this day would come, especially since we found out that he had cancer in his throat. The only thing that makes me feel better about Carter not being here with us anymore is that he isn't in any more pain. And also that he is up in heaven with Kooper. Kooper now has a dog. I told Kade that Carter was going up to heaven to live with Kooper and his response was, "Awesome!" I don't think he fully understands and I am sure when we go visit my parents next he will be looking for Carter.

I am sad that I can't find one of my favorite pictures of Carter. It is of My Dad asleep with Carter and CJ.

We will miss you Carterboy! Keep my little monkey company and give him lots of kisses!