We're back!

We are back from Utah. It felt like we just left to go there. Time went by super fast but we all had so much fun! It was so good to be with family for the Holidays. We go to eat at some of our favorites that we can only find in Utah, Crown Burger, Juniper Take-out, Costa Vida (Ok, we do have this in AZ, but it takes an hour just to get there!), Big J's, and a new favorite of Ryan's, The Beehive Grill. We met up with some old friends for lunch there the day after Christmas.

It was 20 degrees when we got into Logan! BURRRR!



Kamryn all bundled up like a marshmallow with her Daddy! It sure was COLD!

The second night we were there Ryan and I went with Ashley and Jared to the movie The Blindside! It was such a good movie! I will definately be purchasing that one when it comes out. It was nice to get away from the kids and get to go to a movie, we don't get to do that very often.


A few days before Christmas we drove up to Malad, ID. Both of my parents grew up there and their parents still live there. We visited both sets of my grandparents and I got the cutest picture of Kamryn with her Great Grandma Alder.

Christmas Eve was lots of fun. I actually had some last minute shopping! Ughhh! The stores weren't too bad but I hardly ever have any last minute shopping. So besides that it wasn't too bad. My Mom made some yummy Potato Soup with some hot rolls and we also made some sugar cookies. My sister Bree and her boyfriend Chris came up with her kids Tasia and Daion and the kids had lots of fun playing. My younger sister Ashley and Jared spent time with Jared's family and came up late that night to be with us to open presents Christmas morning.

On Christmas day we spent it playing with all the new toys and Ryan got pretty occupied along with the rest of the family playing the New Mario game for Wii. (He ended up passing all 8 levels during our stay with the help of Ashley and Jared.) My Aunt Amy and Uncle Terry came to visit that night with their kids (they aren't really kids anymore) We played the game Argue and Phase 10 (my favorite!).

We went to visit Ryan's Dad and step mommy Tammy. A few days later we met up with them at one of Ryan's favorite restaurants from his high school years, El Sol. It was some yummy, cheap food! It was good to see them and spend some time with them .

We didn't get a whole lot of snow while we were there, but they got a big snow storm the day we left. So Kade didn't get to venture out into the snow this year. Maybe next year.

Kamryn loves sitting like a big girl in the cart. Especially when Kade is sitting next to her to entertain her!

She can sit up on her own now! Yay!

We had lots of fun visiting with family. I am sure they were ready for us to leave after invading their house for close to 2 weeks!

We love and miss them, can't wait to see them again!

For Kooper

In an earlier post I mentioned something that we would be doing for Kooper this Christmas. I wanted to donate a present to a little boy that would be Kooper's age in honor of my special little guy! I searched and searched the Angel Trees at Walmart and there were only clothes and almost every one was for an older kid. Not that I didn't want to donate to an older child but it really meant something to me to donate to someone that was Kooper's age.

So I just went ahead and bought something that I think I would have given Kooper this year if he were here. I bought this BIG legos. Because Kade is so into his legos lately. I figured that Kooper would want to do what his big brother would be doing. And that Kade would probably enjoy helping Kooper put together a lego tower and show him how it all works.

My friend Jenna mentioned to me that there were 2 boys around Kooper's age at her clinic that were on an Angel tree there so I donated it to the little boy at her clinic. Here is a picture of the items we donated to the little boy.

I am not sure if anyone else donated something in honor of Kooper. But I am glad I was able to. I got a message on one of my blog entries that Teri donated a basketball in honor of him.

Thanks to everyone who did something! I am sure it made a little boy's day when he got a gift when he probably wouldn't have otherwise.

I was sad that I didn't get Kooper's little tree to the cemetery. I bought a new 2 foot tree and some ornaments for him. The few weeks before we left for Utah were so hectic Ryan wasn't able to find some sort of stakes to hold it down. So the day before we left for Utah we went and took Kooper this cute little Christmas stick that had a windmill type tree on it. I checked out some of the other trees to see what they used to keep the tree standing and the ones I looked at didn't have anything. So I guess we could have taken it anyways. I feel like a bad Mom not getting his tree up. But I guess at least I have his big tree up at home.

Miss you like crazy little monkey!

The best Christmas ever!

In the words of Kade, "This is the best Christmas ever!"

We had a great Christmas. I do have to say that with Kade getting older it makes Christmas more special because of the excitement. It brings back memories from when I was a kid. Although I don't remember the last time I slept in until 8:00am Christmas morning. When I was a kid we were up by 4 or 5am ready to open our presents. Actually most of the time I never slept. I remember I couldn't sleep so I would read a book or watch QVC because that was the only thing on TV at 2am. And I would constantly check the clock along with my sisters. We would sneak up and see what Santa brought and hurry back downstairs excited to go play with whatever was left up there. I miss the excitement. It kind of sucks being a parent when you already know what's waiting for you when you wake up. But then you think about the excitement of your kids on Christmas morning and that is an even better feeling!

The holidays always seem like someone is missing especially this year. No Kooper, no Carter (my parents dog). I am sure they were here in spirit though.

My favorite gift this year was from my parents. It means so much to me. It was all I told my Mom that I wanted for Christmas.

In August when we were visiting for my sister's wedding for the first time ever I went to this really cute scrapbook store called Carolee's and their scrapbook company is called Adornit! (I actually won something for the first time in my life off their blog) Anyhow I was looking through the store and they have these metal artwork pieces that are just so cute. I noticed one hanging up that was of an angel boy. Immediately I showed my Mom and looked for a price tag...no price tag. I asked the girl behind the counter and she had no idea how much it was or if it was even for sale. Her boss was gone doing a convention or something and so my Mom said she would check back in a few weeks. Well by the time my Mom went back it was gone. When she asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her the Angel she went back and asked if they had anymore and they had one in the back. The girl behind the counter asked her what she was going to do with it. And she told her that it wasn't for her, it was for her daughter and told her about Kooper. She made the girl behind the counter cry! Poor girl! Just kidding. I love to tell people about my sweet son that I long to hold. I also love it when my my tells me that she told someone about her little Angel grandbaby.
I was so happy when I opened the present and saw my cute little Angel boy (I guess it could be a girl too). When I first saw it I thought it would go so well in our play room. I haven't decided yet where to hang it, but I am sure I will find just the right place.

Here are a few pictures from our Christmas morning. Unfortunately we forgot our camera, my mom's battery died in hers after about 5 minutes and my sisters' cameras took the rest of our pictures, but they already took them home...so this will have to do.

Kamryn in her Christmas PJ's on Christmas Eve!

Kamryn's loot from Santa (by the way we got twin cabbage patch dolls, I have the other one so we can play dolls together)

Kade's loot from Santa

Kade in his Christmas PJ's and a cool Super Heroes toy from Grandma and Grandpa Williams.

Breath of Heaven

I have traveled
Many moonless nights
Cold and weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load I bare
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your Holiness
For your holy Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

As Christmas rolls around this year this song kept coming into my head. The only lines I kept thinking of were "Breath of Heaven hold me together, be forever near me breath of heaven" I grew up listening to Amy Grant every Christmas. It was my favorite and one of my Mom's favorite too. As those lines ran through my head I couldn't help but think of Kooper. I couldn't help imagining me singing those lines to him. Each day that goes by and I think of him some days I feel like I need help holding myself together and I always want him to be near me.

Surprisingly enough I hadn't even heard this song yet this year. It's on my old ipod and I am way to lazy or tired or busy to switch over all the songs. So this morning I googled it. And as I listened to the words and read the lyrics it touched me in a different way.
The first verse: Okay so I didn't travel moonless nights but I did spend many nights wondering about my baby and then God gave me this pure and perfect spirit to grow his body so that he would have one, it was all he needed. I carried a pure, perfect and valiant little spirit! God chose me.
The second verse: Is the feeling I had after I found out that Kooper was gone. How at first I felt alone. Because I actually was. But soon I knew I wasn't alone but at that moment I was alone in the room and I knew that he was gone. No one had confirmed it yet, but I saw the heart in the ultrasound. I was in shock and didn't want to believe it and I prayed that I was wrong, that I must be dreaming.
And then the rest of the song where she talks about God being with her and helping her through the rest, that's exactly what He did. I turned to my Faith and I turned to my Heavenly Father to help me through hopefully the hardest trial of my life. And I couldn't have made it to where I am now without Him, my faith, or my husband and all my wonderful family and friends. And last of all knowing that he does have a plan for me, helps me be strong!

My very first gingerbread house

I just had to post picture of my very first gingerbread house! I have always wanted to make one but I just never have. I remember when I was a kid my Aunt Amy would make a gingerbread house every Christmas and it always looked so cool. Then the other night I watched this huge Gingerbread house competition on TV. I don't remember if it was then that I said I wanted to make one or every time I went to Sam's Club and saw the kit. But anyhow I was soooo surprised when Ryan walked in with a gingerbread house kit! My sweet husband remembered how much I wanted to make one...and during his lunch break at work drove to Sam's club and picked it up.





I had tons of fun decorating it with him. I was glad Kade didn't want to be too involved because I wanted things in specific places and not random candies everywhere. So this is how it turned out.

Thanks sweetie!

On a side note, I felt kind of like a crazy women today and took Kade and Kamryn to the MALL!!!! Yes, I took kids to the mall by myself on a Saturday just weeks before Christmas. And the funny thing is that Kade and Kamryn were awesome. I think Kade felt a little intimidated by it being so crowded that he stayed close and held my hand almost the whole time, and Kamryn slept most of the time in the sleepy wrap! It was awesome! I have found that Kamryn and Kade are alot like me. They like to get out of the house and walk around stores. Ryan on the other hand would rather be at home watching football!

And I just had to post a few random pictures of Kamryn.