Tuesday, July 28, 2009
She looked so cute. The dress had purple ribbon bows on the front so I bought her a matching bracelet to wear and a cute flower to match!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
From the time Kade could crawl around we have had to hide or put up CJ's dog food. I don't know why but he loved it. The thought of tasting it, even the smell makes me want to puke. Up until about a year ago I would find Kade in the laundry room putting dog food in his mouth. You would think that I starve the kid or refuse him food. I would tell him, if you are hungry, let me know and I will find you something to eat.
Sometimes I would have to pry his mouth open just to get it out. Boys are weird....
When I told my Dad about this horrible habit or fetish Kade had with dog food he went on to to tell me that when he had to go help out on the farm as a kid, him and his brothers would go into the shed where the dog food was, and eat it. My dad is probably going to kill me for putting it on my blog, but REALLY??? Dog food?? Come on! I guess I just don't understand boys!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
By the way...she weighs 10 lbs 7 oz at 1 month old.
Here she is giving me the evil eye....
Thursday, July 16, 2009
So here it is the first of many digital scrapbook pages.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
To end our day we had cake and sang Happy Birthday to Kooper!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Words cannot describe the pain that I felt yesterday. Although I thought the year anniversary seemed so far away, it has come so fast. Last July 10th and 11th seems like they were only yesterday. I wish I could go back in time and change the way things happened, but I just have to remind myself that it happened for a reason. I still don't know what that reason is but one day I will find out. I have to remind myself of all the positive things that can come from something so heartbreaking.
Yesterday I was so sad that Kooper wasn't here and just had an overall bad day. It was the day that he died. I am not sure when exactly but I knew it was that day sometime that he stopped moving. I expected to feel the same way today, but to my surprise I don't. I am not exactly happy, but I feel at peace. I still wish Kooper was here. I am sure I will have a mixture of emotions today but the most important thing about today it to celebrate that Kooper is part of our family. He is a special spirit that was meant to touch our lives and make us stronger. He is Our son. He is Kade and Kamryn's brother. He is an inspiration to me.
It is weird how someone so small can have such a HUGE impact on so many people. I miss him more than anything in this world. I yearn to hold him. Kamryn has helped heal some wounds and has helped me have hope that not all pregnancies will go badly, but she will never replace my baby. As much as she fills my arms today and I am so lucky to have her and love her so very much I still have empty arms and a hole in my heart. I keep it together and am not depressed but there is not one day that I don't think about my Kooper. Everyday before I go to bed I look at his ultrasound picture beside my bed or the picture hanging on the wall and I pray for him. I love him so much. My kids mean the world to be and I am so glad that the Lord has blessed me with them.
We love you very much. You are so special to our family and we look forward to the day when we will be together again.
Sending Hugs and Kisses all the way to heaven!
Daddy, Mommy, Kade and Kamryn
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
My hottie hustband!
Cute little SaraJane! We can't call her "Baby Jane" anymore! She is such a cutie and when her face is not covered in cake she looks just like her Mommy!
Jenna made the cute bow and bracelet! Thanks Jenna!
And of course I had to find a picture where you get to see her whole outfit!
We hope everyone had a wonderful and safe 4th of July. Ours was a blast. We spent the day with friends not only celebrating our Independence but celebrating SaraJane's 1st Birthday! Kade had fun playing with his buddy Sumner and Landon and met a new friend named Ryan. It is amazing how fast this past year has gone by. I can't believe that SaraJane is 1! I don't know if the first few weeks of July will always be such a mixture of emotions for me. SaraJane and Kooper were supposed to share a birthday (according to Jenna and I). We had it all planned out. Jenna made a video of SaraJane's first year and seeing the pictures of her birth brought back many memories of what I have lost and the birth story that I wish I had. The turnout that I wish would have been the case for Kooper. I know that God has a plan for me and my family and I can't change his plan and that there was nothing that I could do. The experience has made me a better person and who I am today.
I love SaraJane so much, she has a special place in my heart.
This first week of July has already been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I keep going back to a year ago and what was happening then. I wish so bad that things would have turned out different. Even if Kamryn were still going to be here now, I wish that I had both of them here with me. I miss my sweet baby boy so much and I wish he were here. I am so lucky to have my family and I am grateful for them. I am grateful for Kamryn and her sweet spirit that has joined our family.
Flashback from a year ago....we went to visit RD, Jenna and SaraJane after she was born!