Ok so I started this post when I got home from work this morning.
I just got home from work. I had a longer drive than usual because the lab I normally work at is being remodeled. It was kind of nice because there was a Dunkin' Donuts by the lab I was at last night so on my way home I got a maple donut....YUM! As I was driving and enjoying my donut these thoughts rambled through my head and for some reason I felt the urge to blog about them.
So to start off with, I don't, I mean I hate to drive in the dark. I feel like people can't see me. Like they are all half asleep and are going to start driving into my lane. Or I feel like an animal is going to jump out and I am going to hit it. Anyways so as I was thinking about all these crazy drivers I started to have morbid thoughts. What if I died? And all those other questions that go along with that like, What would Ryan do? How would my kids react? How could they grow up without a mother? And on and on and on. Just horrible things you don't want to think about.
These thoughts made me think about how much I love my kids and how much I LOVE to be a MOM! I love to feel needed and wanted, almost like the whole world could come crashing down if I wasn't there to save the day. Sometimes there are days where I ask myself, What am I doing? I feel like a horrible mom. I don't have the patience I need to have. I don't pay attention to them as much as I should. I am annoyed and yell at them. I feel inadequate. I feel like I can't do anything right (like when I made lasagna last night and it turned out HORRIBLE) or I don't have the motivation. But then I think I don't know where I would be without them. If Ryan and I didn't have kids and could do whatever whenever. Or what if we waited a little longer to have kids? I thought about it and I wouldn't have it any other way. It made me realize how much they mean to me and how important they are. Of course I do know that they are everything to me and soo very important. But sometimes I let life get to me and I have a bad day and just forget that very thing that I already know. That they will still love and forgive me through my faults and that I am their Mommy!
I love them to pieces. They are so cute and bring such joy and happiness to our family. I love being a Mom!