Turning to the Lord

Today's lesson in church was close to my heart. The stories in the talk sounded so familiar. Then I realized that it was a talk I read shortly after losing Kooper. I can't remember what it was called (I tried searching for it on LDS.org but couldn't seem to find it). It talked about a story of 2 people who lost babies and one couple fell away from the church and blamed Heavenly Father and the other couple turned to Heavenly Father in their time of need. I am so lucky and glad that my heart wasn't hardened and that although at one point I was mad that Heavenly Father took my baby and I questioned why did it have to happen to me, I quickly knew what I needed to do. I turned to the Lord. I prayed all the time and read the scriptures to find comfort. My testimony on the power of prayer grew so much because I was always praying. I was so sad and heartbroken at the loss of Kooper that it was all that I could do was to pray. As much as I wanted to share my story with the other women in the class, I am still shy and my voice gets shaky, and I knew I would start to cry and that nobody would understand me. Then I worried I would take up too much time and just chickened out. So I didn't. It was such a good lesson though.

I love this ultrasound picture because Kooper is making a funny facial expression. Sometimes losing him feels like it was all just a bad dream. When I see this picture it reminds me that he was alive and that he was a person and that he is my baby. I can't wait to see him again someday. I love you Kooper! I picture him thinking, I want my mommy!

Another thing that got brought up during the lesson was journaling. I am so glad that I started to blog even though sometimes I embarrass my family with my stories, but I am glad I have it documented. I wish so badly that I would have started blogging or journaling before I had Kooper so that I could have a better memory of my pregnancy and the short time I got to spend with him doing flips in my belly.