Bless your heart!

So since I have been noticeably pregnant I get lots of different comments and "looks". Some I have shared on my blog. Honestly I could probably write a book of all the comments and experiences I have had. Ryan thinks it gets old...me complaining or talking about the things people say to me, but I think it will be a funny thing to look back on. Here are a couple from this past week.

As I was walking into Q-T to get my caffeine free diet coke with Kamryn on my hip and Kade in tow (me trying not to make eye contact because it usually makes people think that it's okay to make a comment or to tell me something) I hear, "Oh bless your heart!" I glance up and she is looking right at me with her window down. I give a nice little smile and continue on....

This one...maybe not so funny but actually really offended me.

With my job and working with patients I get asked alot especially since I am pregnant, "Is this your first?" I laugh and say, "No." It's almost always followed by the next question, "How many do you have?"

So the other night a seemingly sweet women is my patient and as I take her back to her room she asks me the questions above and by the time we get to her room I have answered her with the reply, "4" She then asks the ages. And I tell her the ages. She then says, "So you have 3 living children." Then as if it were straight out of a movie she puts her hand up to her chin and looks up at the ceiling with a very thoughtful look on her face and says to me, "Wouldn't it just be easier to say you have 3 children?" I am in shock. No one has ever said that to me. I have wondered if they thought it a couple times but I honestly never expected a complete stranger to say that to me. I replied back to her explaining that not mentioning him is like ignoring that he is my child, ignoring that he existed and not letting the world know that he is my baby. He matters to me. It makes me feel guilty. She told me that she was sure that Kooper didn't mind if I said 3 instead of 4. And I explained to her that I care. It matters to ME and it makes ME feel better to mention him. She then tells me she lost her first baby but never told people she had 6 children instead just saying 5. My thoughts...well maybe because it was taboo back then...times have changed. Many other mothers in my position proudly tell of their child that no one else got to know.

As I sit and think about it for others maybe it is more comfortable for them to not have to hear that I had a baby that died, but the fact of the matter is I do and I want people to know about him. I carried him for 9 months and I developed a bond with him. I have met many other Mother's of angels just by telling them that I do have 4 kids and it is a neat experience to know that you aren't alone. You aren't the only one. Even though you don't wish it upon yourself sometimes it feels like people don't really know.