Strange Sunday

I have had a strange Sunday. It just seems so out of the ordinary to me. First of all, last night we set our alarm for 6:30am due to 8:00am church. Well I woke up to, "Oh Crap!". Either our alarm didn't go off or Ryan turned it off in his sleep. I guess that's what we get for staying up so late Saturday night! Then seconds later I hear Kamryn cry...she slept through the night by the way. Either that or I was just sooo tired last night I didn't hear her cry just like I didn't hear the alarm clock. I walk into her room and her Baby Einstein music toy is on...which she can't reach. I think Wow she must have stood up! Then I see Kade rocking in the rocking chair. He says, "She doesn't like her music."

So we rush and get ready for church. This week we swapped buildings so that another stake could have stake conference and use the stake center. So we were in a completely different church. It was kind of funny because every once in a while you would see a family walk in to sacrament and then look at each other and look around and walk right out. They must have forgot we were swapping buildings.

Then we go to walk out to the car to go home and we hear sirens....there was a car accident right by the church and there were 3 fire trucks and as we drove off we saw a life flight helicopter.

Kade showed me a picture of our family that he drew. I have NEVER seen him draw a picture of people. Just scribbles and lines, but he drew everyone in our family. I don't know if someone in his class showed him how but I was so proud. When we got home he drew everyone again.

Then he and I played a little game. I wrote every one's name in our family on a small piece of paper. I folded them up and he drew a name and then would have to tell me what name he drew. He did pretty well. He only go confused on Kamryn, Keegan, and Kooper. He got Kade, Kami, Ryan, CJ, and Perry really well.

Then I went to take a nap and had one of the BEST naps ever! Maybe because it was dark. Kade even fell asleep with me and we slept for a good 2-3 hours!

Now it's time for dinner and I'm starved....by the way Ryan tells me I am in about 2nd place in our Fantasy NASCAR league...and for the past 2 weeks I have forgot to even change my drivers....haha Maybe that should be my tactic to win!

Even with no teeth!

So if you didn't get a clue from this post that I am paranoid or over protective. Then let me tell you I finally gave in to letting Kamryn eat the Gerber dissolvable foods. The little yogurt things and the star puff things that I don't know the name of. Of course I break them in half.... (shaking my head) I know...I know...I am paranoid. Drowning and choking are my BIGGEST fears. You wouldn't think so because HELLO I am a Respiratory Therapist if anyone could handle that type of situation it should be me...right? Now do you know why I DON'T work in the hospital? I am scared of those situations. I guess anybody would and should be. But I guess I just need to have more confidence in myself.


Back to the point. Yesterday I finally let her eat these foods. I was waiting until she had at least one tooth to make me feel better, but decided that she does a good job of chewing when I give her breads and things that I am sure she would be fine. She did great and in the words of Jenna (my OT friend) even used the "pincer grasp"! The only hard part for her was actually getting them off her hand. Sometimes if they were slobbery they would stick. At one point she kept picking one up putting it up to her mouth and then pick another one up and then I would open her hand to find that she had 3 or 4 in her hand. She just liked the motion I guess. In not much time she finally got the concept of keeping it in between her fingers so that she could get it in her mouth!


It wasn't so scary after all. Now I just need to work on getting her to drink out of her sippy cup instead of chewing on it. She seems to think it's a toy or teether.

I also found out yesterday that she loves chocolate ice cream and spaghettios! Like mother like daughter!

Have you ever been driving....

Have you every been driving and come to a stop at a red light and just take a look around and end up looking at the person in the other car and they are staring right back at you?.....ummmm awkward. You just pretend like you were looking out somewhere else and think, Wow that was weird. This one happened to me a couple days ago. The guy was a redneck with the curly mustache in his big old ford truck and was staring right back at me...weird!

Have you ever been driving behind or next to someone and notice they are picking their nose....and really going at it. Then you see them EAT it! Yuck...full grown man!

Have you ever been driving and seen someone in a motorcycle helmet....a full-face one? It was an older van that probably didn't have airbags...maybe he was just trying to protect himself?

Have you ever been driving behind 2 ladies in a car and they are just yakking each others ear off going 10 under the speed limit? I have probably done this one once or twice.

Have you ever seen someone driving, smoking, eating, and doing their makeup at the same time?

Have you ever been driving and seen a mom holding her baby's bottle (the baby is sitting in the backseat) with her spare hand while screaming at her son, while driving? (Wait that one I didn't see....that was me!)

Have you ever been driving and think to yourself....if anyone looks at me or sees me they are going to think I am crazy? I have a few times, those moments when I am really upset and yelling at Kade, or the moments when I am bawling because of something (I usually put on the sunglasses to shield anyone knowing), or the moments to release anger, happiness or sadness when you are screaming the words to your favorite song at the top of your lungs!

Pajamas

I don't know if I am in the cleaning mood because spring is coming, hence spring cleaning or if I am in fact starting to "nest". With Kamryn I never went through the nesting phase, ask Ryan. Although the dirty house bothered me I had no desire to clean. Maybe since I have more energy, since I am not working as much and I am home more it makes me want even more for my house to be clean. I am in the middle of doing the floors right now. I have swept and am now giving my back a rest before I start mopping. The horrible part about cleaning is finding other things that need cleaned (my baseboards and blinds and the top of my fridge) and also seeing things that need fixed/touched up by paint (the wall under the counter top and the baseboards and the places Kade chose to climb!). But it feels good to have a clean home...well partially clean. I have lots more to do. I really got on here to write about Kade's conversation with me while I was sweeping.

Kade noticed Kooper's outfit that you see in all the pictures of him. I have it in a glass cabinet with other things of his.

Kade pointing to the cabinet: "Mom, Kooper lost his pajamas!"
Me: "He didn't lose them,he just left them here on earth."
Kade: "We need to take them to him."
Me: "He doesn't need them right now."
Kade: "I want to see him. Can we take him his pajamas? I saw him, last night. (everything in the past is last night) I wore my suit and a tie, the blue one, and I held a flower and I took my picture." (he was talking about the funeral.)
Me: "You did see Kooper then."
Kade: "Can you tell Jesus Christ to bring him back home?"
Me: "I don't think he can bring him back home yet, but one day we will get to see Kooper and Jesus."
Kade:"Okay"

I am glad that telling him that he will see him one day eases his mind enough to move on and be happy with that. It's hard being a grown up because we know that one day could mean many many years.

Crawling!

She is crawling. Okay well not offically crawl across the floor in 20 seconds but she is finally figured out that she needs to move her arms. She takes a few "crawls" and finds a toy and then will turn around when she gets bored take a few more "crawls" and find another toy. So to some maybe she isn't officially crawling, but she is one step closer to being completely on the move which I am not too excited about. I love to watch her grown and reach new milestones. She still hasn't gotten a tooth, still waiting on that one....will it ever happen??

The Hunger Games

I have been introduced to a new series and I can't wait to read the next book. I just finished The Hunger Games tonight (which is the first book in the series). Want to know how much I liked it? Well I started reading it Sunday night at work if that tells you anything. I hate how I get so into a book that I finish it so fast but then I don't want it to end. Maybe I should pace myself?!

Anyhow it's a really good book, very suspenseful. I would say more but I am afraid to give anything away to those who want to read the book!

I think I will be making a trip soon to pick up the next book of the series...but I am going to try and hold off reading it until next Sunday!

I just love reading. I wish I had my own library.

I need a bigger lap or maybe just a smaller belly!

I don't know where Kamryn's going to sit as I get bigger and bigger. Today especially my stomach has just been so sensitive. Ever push on my tummy or kick by Kamryn has been so uncomfortable, even holding her. I don't know if it is growing pains from getting bigger or what. Of course I am not holding anything right now and it just doesn't feel good. I am sure it will be better tomorrow, hopefully it goes away or I am in for a long 3 1/2 months! It will be interesting how the next couple months will go especially as I get BIGGER! I already feel like there's not much room on my lap! It's not easy when your 8 month old is screaming because she is so spoiled and gets held ALL the time! She's the princess though!

Keegan is kicking around and seems to be having a great time in there. Hopefully Kamryn isn't squishing him too much.

Well, I am pooped. After working last night and getting a short nap today I am ready to SLEEP!

Goodnight!

Heaven

Last night I was asked to sit with Kade's primary class as a helper. So today in his class one of the first questions the teacher asked the kids was, "Who was Jesus' parents?" which led to one of the kids asking, "Where is Jesus?" The teacher replied, "Jesus is in heaven." and then Kade added in, "With Kooper!"

Tears came to my eyes but I held it together. I love it that he remembers his brother. It makes me so very happy when he does.

Just yesterday I was reading in the Gospel Principles book we are having our lessons out of in Relief Society at church. I came across the Postmortal Spirit World lesson. Here is a quote by President Ezra Taft Benson about where the Postmortal Spirit World is: "Sometimes the veil between this life and the life beyond becomes very thin. Our loved ones who have passed on are not far from us." and then President Brigham Young taught that the postmortal spirit world is on the earth around us.

I love that reminder to know that Kooper is close to our family even though he seems so far away.

We love and miss you Kooper!

A picture of the whole family

Yesterday I got a message on my voicemail from Kade's primary teacher. I don't know her, actually I have never officially met her. She wants Kade to bring a picture of his family to church tomorrow. When I heard the message I thought well what picture is he going to take? I am almost positive that she is unaware of Kooper. There are still people in the ward that probably don't even know that I have a son that died. Even those that have been in the ward since before we have.

Ryan and I weren't super active before Kooper died. We went to church probably 1-2 times a month, many times we would only go to sacrament and then leave. So we knew people but not everybody knew us. So even after those events there were many who didn't even know.

Kade calls Kooper his brother and I was worried if I sent a picture of our family without Kooper and if they ask Kade about his family and he tries to tell them about Kooper that the teacher won't understand what he means. But then I feel bad sending an older picture with Kooper in it and Kamryn not then we are leaving Kamryn out of the picture. It has really been bothering me. I remembered a picture that Jessica did for us after Kooper died. She put Kooper up in the corner looking down on us. Of course she is much better with photoshop than I am (I don't even have photoshop). But I used a program on my computer to take the recent family picture and put Kooper in it looking over us. It doesn't look GREAT, but it will work for Kade's class tomorrow. I am glad I could make a picture of his WHOLE family for him.

My Rant!

I started to write this post 15 days ago. I didn't want to offend the person that made me think of posting about this even though I'm almost positive that she doesn't read my blog. Her son nearly drown, well I guess he did because he didn't have a pulse by the time she reached him and then he was resuscitated. Right now I am upset because I just read another story in the news about a mom in AZ that left her 3 yr old with her 9 month old in the tub while going to answer the phone. I am so mad right now. I am so mad at the parents out there that make this STUPID mistake. Maybe it didn't seem so simple to them like one of my mistakes I might make in life will seem like simple to someone else. But this mistake to me anyways seems like COMMON SENSE! I want to scream to every parent out there to NOT LEAVE YOUR KID IN THE BATHTUB ALONE (or with another child)! SERIOUSLY!

I have to admit I am an overprotective parent. I still make Kade leave the door open while in the tub. I know it usually doesn't matter how much water is in there, there is a chance of drowning but I don't let Kade have a very full tub. Maybe a couple inches. It took a while before I would even leave Kade unattended in the bath. Because you never know. Still I yell to him or go check on him if I haven't heard him splashing or talking for a minute.

Every year I read in the newspaper about an infant or toddler that got left in the bathtub alone or with another child for a few minutes and they either died or were in serious condition. Honestly your excuse is you went to answer the phone? HELLO don't you think that can wait? I am just so furious. Another thing that goes along with that are the people who don't have fences around their pools (my next door neighbor is one of them). You have to be soooo careful and remind yourself that you can't just leave and go in to answer the phone or grab something. Or hope that your toddler doesn't sneak out the back door. You can't trust another child to be the "adult" and watch them. They get so distracted even adults do let alone a 5 year old. Especially in the tub, they might think they are playing and not even inform you until the baby is almost dead.

When Kade was younger before I put him in the tub I made sure I had everything I needed. Phone, towel, washcloth, shampoo and then he could get in.

Another thing is that my neighbor who doesn't have a gate has a 2 year old little boy. She also wants to have more kids, what are you thinking not having a gate around your pool? Could you live with the guilt? I couldn't. On top of it twice in the past week I have found their gate to the backyard OPEN! Which infuriates me. I will be talking to them soon and if it doesn't get fixed I will be the rude neighbor that REPORTS them because in Surprise it is the law that you have a have a sprig on your gate that makes it automatically shut if left open.

My rant and rage is over with. I just needed to get that out!

Ok so here was my post I wrote a few weeks ago after hearing of a similar event that happened in Utah.

When I think about preventing what happened to Kooper, the what ifs so that he could be here with us now, it just leads to something happening to him in the first few years of his innocent life. Because I have such a strong testimony that he was needed in heaven, that Heavenly Father needed him for something more important. He accomplished all the he needed to on earth with the time I got to spend with him. He gained a body and also changed our life forever. He helped our testimonies grow. He changed our life so much and I know that was part of the plan. I have always had this strong feeling that if we were to have caught the knot in his cord before it took his life that he wouldn't be here long. Maybe a few years. I would love to have even a few years with him, but could I handle it? Could I handle losing a child whom I have created so many memories with? Could Ryan or Kade handle losing him after spending time with him? As I have read and heard stories of other Mom's who have lost their sons due to accidents or illness it scares me. It hurts me and I know that it would hurt me so much more than the pain I felt when I lost Kooper. It would have taken a much larger piece of my heart. I would be way more over protective of a mom than I already am. Honestly I can't imagine me being much more over-protective than I already am. I mean come on I broke up the baby goldfish for Kade until he was 3! just kidding.... maybe he was 2. So how would I react if Kooper would have died in an accident whether it was being hit by a car or drowning (my ultimate biggest fear), or other things that can happen? I wouldn't let my kids leave my sight for a long time. Kamryn has had 1 person watch her other than family since she was born....does that tell you anything? I just don't think I could handle the guilt of what if I would have done this or what if I would have done that....because I know that if he lived there is not doubt in my mind that he wouldn't have lived for very many years.

I am 100% positive no ifs ands or buts that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Kooper happened for a reason. He was taken for a reason and I have to be okay with that because if I wasn't than that would mean that I didn't have full trust and faith in the Lord. I do get sad and wonder why at times but I remind myself to have faith and know that it happened for a reason.

Keegan Krue Perry

It's official, I haven't even told Ryan yet. But a decision has been made. I left it into the hands of Kade who has not liked either name Ryan or I had picked out for this baby. I liked Krue and Ryan liked Keegan. We keep asking Kade which name he likes to have sort of a "family vote" and every time we ask Kade he wants to name the baby Dylan after his new friend (our friends baby boy). So today we were talking and this is how the conversation went.

Me: What do you think we should name the baby, Krue or Keegan?

Kade: Dylan.

Me: We can't name him Dylan, that is your friend's name and plus it doesn't start with a K. I think we should name him Krue.

Kade: What does Daddy think we should name him?

Me: Keegan.

Kade: I like Keegan! Keegan! Keegan!

Me: I guess I am out numbered. The votes go to Keegan.

So there you have it. Keegan Krue Perry. Even though this may be his name, you never know I may end up calling him Krue! I guess we will have to wait and see what he looks like. Don't hold me too accountable...I am pregnant and this is my blog! A week before Kade was born I contemplated changing his name to Jaxson.

8 Months Old

Kamryn is 8 months old today. She is growing so much. I can't believe how fast the time is going by(I am pretty sure I say that every month!). Today we got some lunch and went to the park. Kade wanted to swing it was hard to push Kade very well with Kamryn in my arms so I put her in the baby swing next to him. She loved it! She loves to be outside or anywhere new. She gets crabby and cranky when she has to be at home all the time. She loves to just stare. Strangers always tell me she looks so serious all the time. Yesterday we went to Ryan's softball game and for most of the first game she just kept laughing and was jumping up and down on my lap. When I am holding her and we were going somewhere new she starts bouncing around in my arms with excitement, kicking her legs. She learns new things everyday and is so fun to have in our family. She is finally eating baby food now and likes to try new things. She sometime sleeps through the night, rarely. But will usually give me about 7 hours before waking up for a bottle. She is trying to crawl and gets really frustrated when she isn't going forwards towards what she wants and is instead moving backward! Here are some pictures from our day at the park.

Valentine's Day

So my post is late but Ryan and I finally got to go on our Valentine's date today! YAY! It's been a while since we have gone out on a date and I was so looking forward to it. So...we went to lunch at The Olive Garden...one of our favorites that we just hate taking Kade to so we never go. Then the plan was to go see a movie, but I felt like I wanted to really ENJOY it just being us two and talk and spend time together instead of just staring at the movie screen. So we went to the mall and just walked around with NO KIDS! It was really nice to have some alone time together and not have to worry about Kade running wild. It was kind of funny because I had a seminar I had to go to and Ryan had some interviews to do at work so we met up afterwards and were both in business like clothing. While I was trying some shoes on at the mall we thought about playing a joke on the lady helping me with my shoes. Ryan was going to say, "Those shoes make your butt look good, do you think your husband would like them?" Or laughingly say something like, "Have you figured out whose baby that is yet, is it mine or your husbands?" The reason why we were even thinking those things were because when we went to the Olive Garden we probably looked like two co-workers going to lunch. They sat us at a table instead of a booth and the waitress wasn't sure who to give the check to. Ryan also accidentally wore his work badge in to the restaurant. I dunno maybe she could tell we were married or together but I wondered because it was lunch hour during the day

It was a perfect date and I can't wait to do it again. I do look forward to seeing Dear John, which was the movie we were going to go to, but now I have time to read the book before our next date!

Thanks Hunny for a GREAT DATE! I love you!

Running

Dear Running,

I have missed you lately. You were my time to myself. My time to reflect, the time I mostly devoted to Kooper. No matter who I was with, where I was going or when I went my mind always traveled to Kooper. I would think about him and I didn't have anything to interrupt my thoughts. He kept my legs moving when all I wanted to do was stop or walk. I pushed myself harder because of him. I was doing it for him. I wanted to do the 5k for him. And then it all got put on hold. I had to stop. That was the first sign I had that I was pregnant. I tried to go running one morning and the entire time I thought I was going to start puking. I had to walk. I felt so sick and was almost dry heaving. That was the last time I went running. I miss it. It is what I am looking forward to most after I have the baby. It makes me feel so good even though I am not fast by any means and I can't go far. When 5am rolls around and it's still 100 degrees outside I just want to curl back up in bed and stay in my air conditioned house. But it's worth it. It helps me feel better and I think it is good therapy, it helps me sort through my thoughts.

I miss you running. I can't wait to meet up with you again!

Happy Valentines Day!

So my post for Valentines Day I decided to list as many things as I can that I love....in no particular order.

1. The smell of Ryan when he walks by...he is always wearing a good cologne


2. When Kade listens and compliments me or tells me he loves me


3. Thinking of Kooper and the ways he has changed me for the better


4. The look on Kamryn's face when I walk into the room


5. Baby boy K kicking around in my belly


6. Talking to my Mom on the phone, even better when we get to hang out


7. Being around my silly Dad


8. All the memories I have with my sisters and I look forward to the memories to come


9. The rest of my extended family...I love you but it would take too long and I might forget somebody


10. blogging


11. blog stalking (all 96 of them)


12. baking


13. laughing


14. eating


15. going on dates with Ryan


16. girls nights


17. just talking with friends or family


18. having my hair played with


19. pedicures


20. getting my hair done


21. a good book


22. romantic comedy movies


23. colors (my favorites are orange, pink and green)


24. french toast


25. being pregnant (when I am not sick)


26. sleep


27. going on trips


28. going out to eat (notice cooking is not on my list of love)


29. running


30. fry sauce....this is towards the top! Why hasn't the rest of the world discovered this yet???


31. scrapbooking


32. crafts


33. shopping


34. decorating


35. good deals


36. Diet Coke (from the fountain)


37. A good reality show


38. cute jewelry...even though I don't have any


39. French tip nails...even though mine are rarely done


40. comfy pants


41. walking around Target


42. The game scattegories


43. being right


44. Surprises (even though I am not good at letting people surprise me....if I suspect anything I ask and ask until they give in...but I am getting better)


45. Church music


46. Hearing the name Kooper


47. grass


48. Ariel from The Little Mermaid


49. Dolls


50. Chocolate


51. TV


52. hearing Kade and Kamryn laugh and play


53. watching our kids grow and learn new things


54. notes or letters from friends and family


55. a clean house


56. smooth legs


57. getting mail....I know, I'm weird!


58. when people leave comments on my blog


59. winning things...I am not very lucky, I hardly ever win anything


60. Finding something I have been looking for

Okay I am done. I am sure I could think of many more things, but I am stopping.

Happy Valentines Day Ryan! I love you more than anything and would choose you over any of these...even fry sauce! "Olive Juice!" XOXOXO

Proud Mama

Last night I had two moments where I finally felt a little relieved, proud and happy at the same time. I just had to take pictures of these proud little moments!

Number 1

Yes, Kamryn ate ALL of her apples and some of her green beans. She has hated baby food from the start. I was happy she finally enjoyed eating it.

Number 2

Kade decided he wanted to write his name on my folder. I didn't help. All I hear is, "Mommy I wrote my name!" and sure enough he did. I try all the time to have Kade write his name for me....he refuses. He will write the K a million times and won't do the rest. The d looks alot like a P but hey, he did it all by himself!

Busy day!

Wow, today has gone by soooo fast! Here is glimpse of what I have crammed in today.

Drove close to Ryan's work to have lunch before he had to be in at noon.

Went to Old Navy to exchange a shirt for Kamryn. I just realized I lost 5 dollars because it was on sale for cheaper and I did an even exchange! Darnit! I guess that's what happens when you go out with your kids, sometimes you get so flustered that you just want to get out of the store!

Changed a diaper...

Went to Kmart to get Kade a booster seat that was on sale for a GREAT price. He wanted to use it so I then switched out the seats. He kept telling me he loved his new seat and saying, "Thank you!" followed by "Gracias!".

Then we made a stop at the NEW Hobby Lobby that just opened earlier this month. It is closer than the one I normally go to and right by the closest mall to our house. We got some flowers for Kooper and a little Valentines decor for his marker. I also picked up some flowers to put on some clips for Kamryn's headbands. I hope they turn out! It was so cute she was sooo tired (it was naptime) and her head kept falling forward and bobbling around because she would start to fall asleep. She finally put her head down and took a little cat nap.

The cashier thought she was SO cute and then when I called to Kade (who was trying to talk me into buying an overpriced stuffed animal) she said, "There's another one? And then one on the way, WOW!" Yep I am crazy and if you only knew that there should have been another one that was 1 and a half!

Changed Kamryn's diaper again...

Drove home

Changed Kamryn's diaper again...

Cleaned and vacuumed out the car (I can't tell you the last time I did this. It isn't easy vacuuming out a CX-9)! Tried to put in Kade's black car seat in for Kamryn to use....realized that it is forward facing car seat only. I was planning on using her current one in Ryan's car....While doing this Kade found his box of toys that I have been meaning to take to Goodwill and they are currently scattered across the garage. Kamryn played in her excersaucer. She LOVES the vacuum so she fully enjoyed it while I did that. She just kept laughing.

Now I am finally in my comfy clothes, Kamryn's asleep and Kade fell asleep on the couch.I just went to one of my favorite websites that have great deals...Freebies2deals and found out that some of the stores that I was just by had some great sales and there is no way I will be leaving the house again today. I still have to pick up all the crap in the garage and clean up the house!

Here is a picture of Kade from a few days ago....he was a tired little man!

Wow, I feel somewhat accomplished! I am still kicking myself for not noticing the price difference at Old Navy....oh well, I will get over it...tomorrow!

Teething

I think Kamryn is trying to get a tooth....I hope one comes in soon! Today she was so miserable unless she was being held or we were out and she was distracted. Her naps were horrible, 30 minute naps and she would wake up screaming! Tonight I put her down and out of the blue I hear her screaming in pain. Before I put her down she was chewing away on a tub toy and loving it. So I gave her some tylenol and put her back to bed. We will see how the rest of the night goes, hopefully better than today. I just want the tooth to come in, I think one of the hardest ones to get in is that first tooth. Here she is finally asleep (after the tylenol)

Well she is awake again...in my lap as I type my post on the laptop....I am singing Jason Mraz, I'm Yours and she loves it and doesn't care that I have one of the worlds worst singing voice!

Kindergarten Registration

What day is today? Is it Friday the 13th?? You know when something happens and then the events following it just continue to go down hill. Instead of getting frustrated or embarrassed I just laughed.

Here is what happened:

I decided to get Kade registered for kindergarten instead of putting it off and procrastinating. So I got all the documents I needed ready and off to the school we went. Kamryn was a little hungry so she wasn't the happiest. Luckily no one else was there so there wasn't any waiting. As I am filling out the paperwork my brain must be a jumble because instead of putting my information where it goes I start to fill out Kade'swhere mine should go. In the meantime Kade is taking the sticker he got at the grocery store and sticking it to the trophy case...and other crazy boy things. I go over to get the sticker off before it is so stuck that it leaves residue and someone walks in the door. Wind blows in and my papers blow everywhere scattering all over the floor.

Kade mentions that he has to go potty and is doing "the dance" there is a restroom right there for the faculty and the lady behind the desk politely tells me he is welcome to use it. I didn't want to have an argument so I let him go into the men's restroom thinking that he is going to do a quick #1, wash his hands and be out. Well a few minutes pass by, I am wondering where he is and hoping he isn't doing something naughty in there. I am thinking he hasn't even started school and if he does something bad, he is going to get kicked out before we even get him enrolled. I thought I mayhave here a yell, saying I'm done, come wipe me. I know that nobody else has gone in the restroom so I walk to the door and knock and open it a little and ask if he was ok. Sure enough he is done going #2! So now I have to proceed in there with Kamryn in my arms and wipe his butt! As I lean over a little to wipe him Kamryn spits her binkey out and yes it lands in the toilet. (Me rolling my eyes and taking a very deep breath) I can't flush it or it will get clogged so I had to do the unimaginable and get the binky out and throw it away. YUCK! I go back wash my hands and help Kade. I am partially fortunate that when he went into the stall to go potty he didn't lock it.

I get back and proceed to fill the paperwork out having my papers blown across the table and onto the floor one more time, Kade is actually being good and Kamryn is scooting/crawling backwards on the carpet off her blanket.

Good times....

My day

I went to the doctor early this morning. Everything is looking good. Heard his little heartbeat. He wasn't kicking a whole lot this morning, probably because it was so early that I didn't even have time to eat before I left. When the doctor squirted some gel on my tummy to listen to the heartbeat he woke right up. Flipped around a little bit and stayed quite active. Next month is my glucose test....:( not looking forward to the nasty drink or the needle!

Kade started preschool this month. I was feeling like a bad mom because after Kamryn was born he stopped going to daycare and wasn't getting interaction with kids his age as much and also wasn't keeping up on his ABC's and all that fun stuff. I would try but what 4 year old really wants to listen to their Mom? Not mine anyways. He is loving preschool and I am glad. We went to Target after I picked him up from school and got Valentines for his classmates. While we were there I was walking by all the clearance areas to see if they had any "steals" and Kade found a little solar light. He held it up and he said we should get this for Kooper. I thought it was a great idea.

I think Kamryn is really going to start crawling any day now. She is so content lately just laying on her belly worming across the living room (she can only move backwards or in a circle) trying to reach the remote or anything that isn't her toy. I just looked over and she is fast asleep in her jumperoo. Unfortunately she hasn't slept through the night as much as I hoped since that last post. Once she did, the night I worked! Just my luck.

I am super excited, The Time Traveler's Wife came out today and I can't wait to watch it again! Ryan will worked a little earlier this morning so luckily that means he will be home earlier! I am happy that we will actually get to have dinner together!

For Kooper

I have expressed my feelings about this to some of my closest friends. My idea, how I will use my time when my kids get older, my mission for Kooper. I want to get a bill passed that will allow parents of a stillborn child to be able to claim them. Or to "count' them. To be able to count them on their taxes for that physical year and also have their child be counted as a person and get life insurance for their sweet baby. See to be able to do these things now your baby has to take 1 breath. That's all. Many people were like me and didn't realize or even fathom the fact that to some especially the state, the insurance companies and the IRS, your child that you carried for 9 months and gave birth to doesn't count even though hours before he appeared to be perfectly normal and healthy inside his Mommy.

No, it's not about the money, it is a little bit but you will see why as I explain below. It's not fair to those families out there that go full term or close enough to have a viable baby and then to have an unexpected event happen and lose their child. They still have to pay for a funeral service, a plot, flowers, a headstone. It is no different than any other child or baby. They still prepared just as much as any other family, they still had to pay the exact same medical bills. They are just as much a part of the family, they are a real person.

I didn't express this on my blog last year although it was like Amy said in her post, "a kick in the gut". When you go to do your taxes or you call the insurance company only to find out that your baby doesn't count. You prepared, you gave birth to this child, that doesn't count? It doesn't count for anything? These babies deserve to be "counted". They were a life that was viable outside their mother's womb. They could have survived if they had the chance. They are your child.

Please read Amy's post. It is so true. It touched my heart I am so glad that she is able to have her baby "count". It reminded me of my goal. My goal to fight for those stillborn babies that were alive in their Mother and could have very well lived outside the womb if only we knew they just needed to be out to live. One day I will fight. I will fight my hardest to be heard, to get stillbirth recognized and those sweet angel babies acknowledged by others and the IRS and insurance companies. It was a slap in the face to find out that he didn't count. We were kicked when we were already down. I don't want more parents to experience that. When they are going through unexplainable grief they shouldn't have to worry about how they are going to pay for a casket, a plot, a marker, flowers, and all the other costs. When they go to do their taxes and the question asked if they had a baby this year they shouldn't have to check the answer yes, but then also mark that the baby was stillborn (so he doesn't count).

One day Kooper, hopefully I will have made a difference, I will have changed something. I will have done something in your honor because I believe that you do matter and you do count, so should everyone else.

I hope this all came out right, and came across the way I wanted it. I wish I would have blogged about it last year, when my feelings were so fresh. I wish I could fight now for these babies and their families, but I have my hands full and I don't think I could do as good of a job being 5 months pregnant and little ones at home. I want to be able to put my whole heart and self into it. For Kooper.

Naptime

I went and took a nap in our bedroom since I have to work tonight. I came out to see if they were watching the Superbowl and this is what I found...



all of them asleep on the couch! What a good Daddy, he even got Kade to take a nap.

She wants to be on the move!

Kamryn is getting ready to start crawling. When she is sitting up or laying down she doesn't stay that way for long she rolls to her belly and gets in her crawling position. Sometimes she just rocks back and forth. In the video I took of her tonight she really wants her toy and reaches and reaches and then tries to get up to crawl and realizes she can't move and goes back to her belly. She has learned to scoot backwards, but can't seem to scoot forward. I will definitely be excited and happy when she does start crawling but I wouldn't be sad if it didn't happen for quite a while. I know she still has a while, but I don't look forward to chasing her around and having her pick up every little thing and put them in her mouth. She is just growing so fast!

Silence

Ahhhhhhh.....silence. I love the silence right now. Kade and Kamryn are asleep and I finally have a little time to myself. This is something that I am starting to struggle with just a little bit. I work less and so my main job is just being a Mom. It's hard. Before when I was working full time hours I felt that it was okay that I don't do the dishes today or that my house is not clean because I have a whole other job and I deserve a break. Now that most of my work is being a mom and taking care of my kids, which I do love, I just feel overwhelmed sometimes. I love my kids very much but I feel like I don't ever have time to myself or silence. Kamryn isn't loud but Kade is. He is fun to be around but today he was driving me CRAZY! The kids went to bed early...well at least Kade did. I needed some time to myself before I went crazy. Now the house needs picked up and clothes washed and folded and I just want to do nothing. Well actually that's a lie. This is what I want to do and if I manage to find a babysitter by next Saturday night this is what I will be doing: Going to the Olive Garden with Ryan and then off to a movie. That's all I want!
I am done now. I am done whining. I love my life and my kids and I should just get over it! I am sure there will come a day when I just want them to be home, I want them to bug me and they won't.

Dear Kade,
Could you please not strip down to your underwear and refuse to put your clothes back on. Also would you please stop getting every toy imaginable out. I don't like your excuse when it is time to clean up that your can't because your hands are full of other toys. Thanks for telling me that you love me and for brushing my hair this morning! One more thing.....don't scare your sister. I love you!
Mommy


Dear Kooper,
Could you please watch over your siblings? I am sure you already are but I just thourght I would ask. Visit us often and make me prouder than I already am. I love and miss you! XOXOXO
Mommy

Dear Kamryn,
You did such a good job sleeping through the night last night, could you please keep doing it? I enjoy the regular 8 hours but 11 hours is unbelievable! You are such a cute chubby girl, you have no idea what is coming, but I hope you love babies! I love you!
Mommy

Krue or Keegan or whatever your name is....baby.
Continue to kick me as much as you want. I always enjoy it. It eases my mind. Continue to grow and be a healthy baby and don't do any funny stuff like flip around too much. I don't want you to get tangled in your cord. I can't wait to meet you....well actually I can wait, but I am very excited. I love you!
Mommy

Ryan,
Thanks for listening to my crazy theories or superstitions. Thanks for being a good husband. I miss you. Thanks for not complaining about the things that I don't get done. These new work hours stink but I know that we will SURVIVE! I love you!
Kami

Journals

Yesterday as I was reading my sisters blog post I went to comment on something that I have felt is very important and then something happened and my whole comment was deleted and I had typed it form my phone and it was kind of long. Then I thought it would be a great post to write about tomorrow so here I am. You can read her post here.

As I read the quote she referred to in her blog post,"The palest ink is more than the greatest memory" Immediately I thought of Journaling about your life, and about all the experiences you have had. How even if you had the best memory there is and don't forget anything, what happens when you die? Whose memory will live on to tell your stories to the next generations? Plus how likely do you think that parts will be missed or facts will be changed? Wouldn't it be neat to have a journal of your great-great-grandparents or even just your mom? To hear the horror stories of the terrible things that you did as a child and how much she still loved every inch of you? Or how even though she was so, so mad when she screamed at you that it wasn't really your fault that maybe she had alot on her mind or on her plate?

As Ashley talks about her struggle with this college course I see her great great grandchildren reading her Journal (her blog) and finding out that they have that same fear. To know that they aren't alone and that they can overcome it.

I have never been a good journaler. An inspiration came from a missionary that came over for dinner shortly after Kooper died. He wanted to share his testimony and a spiritual thought about journaling. Someone in his family had the journal of one of his great great great grandma's. In that journal she talked about her conversion to the church and she lived and was a member around the time that Joseph Smith was translating the Book of Mormon. She talked about how he was always tucked away doing work. She also talked about how much her father was against her going to these meetings. How neat is that? There was more there that I don't remember. But I knew that it would be important for me to tell my story. For me to document my life for the generations to come. Maybe my experience will help on of my great great granddaughters through a tough trial of losing a child. Or maybe they will see my faith in my journaling and it will help them gain a testimony of their faith. Or maybe they will just laugh at the random things that I post and wonder what was wrong with their crazy Grandma! But I hope I can at least make them laugh.

So Ashley even though you think sometimes your posts are boring. They may seem like it to you, but when your kids and grandkids go back and read, they won't think so. They will probably relate to your stories. Plus it's a good thing you are doing this blogging everyday thing with me, how likely do you think you would have blogged about your class last night?

Priceless

Kamryn had the biggest blow out she has had in a while. She is now off of her antibiotics, but it seems like she is still on them with the way she has been pooping lately. I am not used to all these super wet diapers! The unfortunate thing is that she loves to poop when she is in her jumperoo. Well she was in her jumperoo for a good 45 minutes having a great time and then all of sudden she started to fuss. I went over and picked her up, went back down to have her sit on my lap, and that's when I felt wet. Yes felt not smelt! My nose is plugged up so I didn't even smell it at first anyway. It was all coming out the back of her pants and such a mess. Who knows how long she was sitting in it. I am so used to her having harder poops. I must say that this is much better on her than that, but the mess is horrible. I couldn't even wrap the diaper up because it was on the back side of the diaper. Sorry if that's a little TMI. I ended up throwing the lap pad away that I had her laying on.

Right now she is so cute, sucking away on her bottle and her eyes closing such a tired girl. How can something so yucky come out of something so cute?

1 package of diapers - $10

Baby Wipes - $3

New lap pad - $3

The joy of seeing your cute little baby smile after you make their poopy diaper all better - PRICELESS!

I can't wait until it's my bed time!!

Family Pictures

It has been a while since we had a family picture. We don't have one with Kamryn and I wanted to get some done before I got really big. We went to Sears and I will never go there again. I said that about JCPenny when they wouldn't let Kade wear his shoes on their white background when he was much younger, but I am not too happy with the pictures. Kade did great and we got some great ones of him but Kamryn wasn't too happy which left us with not very many cute pictures of her and it also made it really hard to get a good family photo. By the time she got Kamryn to smile Kade was off in never never land. So this is what we ended up with.

I was a little sad that I didn't get a really good one of the two of them together.

Kade got 2 good pictures and he called it a day.

This one could have been soooooo cute...but miss princess was done. She was tired and wanted nothing to do with the camera!