For Kooper

In an earlier post I mentioned something that we would be doing for Kooper this Christmas. I wanted to donate a present to a little boy that would be Kooper's age in honor of my special little guy! I searched and searched the Angel Trees at Walmart and there were only clothes and almost every one was for an older kid. Not that I didn't want to donate to an older child but it really meant something to me to donate to someone that was Kooper's age.

So I just went ahead and bought something that I think I would have given Kooper this year if he were here. I bought this BIG legos. Because Kade is so into his legos lately. I figured that Kooper would want to do what his big brother would be doing. And that Kade would probably enjoy helping Kooper put together a lego tower and show him how it all works.

My friend Jenna mentioned to me that there were 2 boys around Kooper's age at her clinic that were on an Angel tree there so I donated it to the little boy at her clinic. Here is a picture of the items we donated to the little boy.

I am not sure if anyone else donated something in honor of Kooper. But I am glad I was able to. I got a message on one of my blog entries that Teri donated a basketball in honor of him.

Thanks to everyone who did something! I am sure it made a little boy's day when he got a gift when he probably wouldn't have otherwise.

I was sad that I didn't get Kooper's little tree to the cemetery. I bought a new 2 foot tree and some ornaments for him. The few weeks before we left for Utah were so hectic Ryan wasn't able to find some sort of stakes to hold it down. So the day before we left for Utah we went and took Kooper this cute little Christmas stick that had a windmill type tree on it. I checked out some of the other trees to see what they used to keep the tree standing and the ones I looked at didn't have anything. So I guess we could have taken it anyways. I feel like a bad Mom not getting his tree up. But I guess at least I have his big tree up at home.

Miss you like crazy little monkey!

The best Christmas ever!

In the words of Kade, "This is the best Christmas ever!"

We had a great Christmas. I do have to say that with Kade getting older it makes Christmas more special because of the excitement. It brings back memories from when I was a kid. Although I don't remember the last time I slept in until 8:00am Christmas morning. When I was a kid we were up by 4 or 5am ready to open our presents. Actually most of the time I never slept. I remember I couldn't sleep so I would read a book or watch QVC because that was the only thing on TV at 2am. And I would constantly check the clock along with my sisters. We would sneak up and see what Santa brought and hurry back downstairs excited to go play with whatever was left up there. I miss the excitement. It kind of sucks being a parent when you already know what's waiting for you when you wake up. But then you think about the excitement of your kids on Christmas morning and that is an even better feeling!

The holidays always seem like someone is missing especially this year. No Kooper, no Carter (my parents dog). I am sure they were here in spirit though.

My favorite gift this year was from my parents. It means so much to me. It was all I told my Mom that I wanted for Christmas.

In August when we were visiting for my sister's wedding for the first time ever I went to this really cute scrapbook store called Carolee's and their scrapbook company is called Adornit! (I actually won something for the first time in my life off their blog) Anyhow I was looking through the store and they have these metal artwork pieces that are just so cute. I noticed one hanging up that was of an angel boy. Immediately I showed my Mom and looked for a price tag...no price tag. I asked the girl behind the counter and she had no idea how much it was or if it was even for sale. Her boss was gone doing a convention or something and so my Mom said she would check back in a few weeks. Well by the time my Mom went back it was gone. When she asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her the Angel she went back and asked if they had anymore and they had one in the back. The girl behind the counter asked her what she was going to do with it. And she told her that it wasn't for her, it was for her daughter and told her about Kooper. She made the girl behind the counter cry! Poor girl! Just kidding. I love to tell people about my sweet son that I long to hold. I also love it when my my tells me that she told someone about her little Angel grandbaby.
I was so happy when I opened the present and saw my cute little Angel boy (I guess it could be a girl too). When I first saw it I thought it would go so well in our play room. I haven't decided yet where to hang it, but I am sure I will find just the right place.

Here are a few pictures from our Christmas morning. Unfortunately we forgot our camera, my mom's battery died in hers after about 5 minutes and my sisters' cameras took the rest of our pictures, but they already took them home...so this will have to do.

Kamryn in her Christmas PJ's on Christmas Eve!

Kamryn's loot from Santa (by the way we got twin cabbage patch dolls, I have the other one so we can play dolls together)

Kade's loot from Santa

Kade in his Christmas PJ's and a cool Super Heroes toy from Grandma and Grandpa Williams.

Breath of Heaven

I have traveled
Many moonless nights
Cold and weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load I bare
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your Holiness
For your holy Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

As Christmas rolls around this year this song kept coming into my head. The only lines I kept thinking of were "Breath of Heaven hold me together, be forever near me breath of heaven" I grew up listening to Amy Grant every Christmas. It was my favorite and one of my Mom's favorite too. As those lines ran through my head I couldn't help but think of Kooper. I couldn't help imagining me singing those lines to him. Each day that goes by and I think of him some days I feel like I need help holding myself together and I always want him to be near me.

Surprisingly enough I hadn't even heard this song yet this year. It's on my old ipod and I am way to lazy or tired or busy to switch over all the songs. So this morning I googled it. And as I listened to the words and read the lyrics it touched me in a different way.
The first verse: Okay so I didn't travel moonless nights but I did spend many nights wondering about my baby and then God gave me this pure and perfect spirit to grow his body so that he would have one, it was all he needed. I carried a pure, perfect and valiant little spirit! God chose me.
The second verse: Is the feeling I had after I found out that Kooper was gone. How at first I felt alone. Because I actually was. But soon I knew I wasn't alone but at that moment I was alone in the room and I knew that he was gone. No one had confirmed it yet, but I saw the heart in the ultrasound. I was in shock and didn't want to believe it and I prayed that I was wrong, that I must be dreaming.
And then the rest of the song where she talks about God being with her and helping her through the rest, that's exactly what He did. I turned to my Faith and I turned to my Heavenly Father to help me through hopefully the hardest trial of my life. And I couldn't have made it to where I am now without Him, my faith, or my husband and all my wonderful family and friends. And last of all knowing that he does have a plan for me, helps me be strong!

The song Breath of Heaven

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Kamryn's 6 Months!

I cannot believe how fast the time has gone by. It is crazy. Kamryn is such a funny girl! She loves to laugh, snuggle, play with any toy she can get her hands on! She puts them all in her mouth and if she isn't chewing on a toy she has her fingers in her mouth. She has been trying and trying to get a tooth but they just won't come in. She is so funny when she eats her bottles she swings her arm and hits it. Sometimes I have to hold her hand so that she keeps her arm down. When she is tired and is trying to get to sleep she kicks her right leg. She throws it in the air and lets it fall to the mattress. It's funny to just listen to her try and get comfortable. She loves her brother Kade, he talks and plays with her to help his Mama out when I am trying to get something done and she is screaming bloody murder. He always can bring a smile to her face just by him saying her name. She definitely has a temper and a voice. From day one she has been a very loud crier. She loves to eat...fruits. She doesn't like the veggies much but usually chokes them down to get to the good stuff. She is always reaching for my cup or food whenever I have something. I have a feeling that the baby food won't last for very long. As soon as those teeth are in she is gonna be spitting the baby food in my face!

She loves, loves, loves her Daddy! She thinks it is funny to bat at his face with her hands trying to get that weird pokey stuff (Hair) off his chin! He tells her to stop because her nails grow like weeds and scratch his face and she just smiles the biggest smile. I think she thinks it's a game.

She rolls and rolls, and has roils and rolls on her tummy and legs! She sits up by herself but you have to be close by so she doesn't knock herself over. She likes to rock and push off with her feet.

I need to get video of it but when I am sitting on the ground and she is in my lap with her feet on the ground she rocks back and forth and pushes with her feet and stands up. Of course she can't balance and she probably has no idea what she is doing but it's funny!

I took her to her 6 month check-up today and she weighed in at a whopping 19 pounds 8 ounces and is 28 inches long (I think the nurse over estimated a little). She is in the 95% for both. It was sad she had to have 5 shots! The funny part was that she didn't like the nurse very much. He was talking to her as he listened to her heart and lungs and she looked at him and then her bottom lip went out and then she let out a huge scream! It was kind of funny because I don't really like that nurse either. He talks to fast and seems kind of rude!

I didn't get a picture of her before the appointment and this is all she has been doing besides eating.....

My very first gingerbread house

I just had to post picture of my very first gingerbread house! I have always wanted to make one but I just never have. I remember when I was a kid my Aunt Amy would make a gingerbread house every Christmas and it always looked so cool. Then the other night I watched this huge Gingerbread house competition on TV. I don't remember if it was then that I said I wanted to make one or every time I went to Sam's Club and saw the kit. But anyhow I was soooo surprised when Ryan walked in with a gingerbread house kit! My sweet husband remembered how much I wanted to make one...and during his lunch break at work drove to Sam's club and picked it up.





I had tons of fun decorating it with him. I was glad Kade didn't want to be too involved because I wanted things in specific places and not random candies everywhere. So this is how it turned out.

Thanks sweetie!

On a side note, I felt kind of like a crazy women today and took Kade and Kamryn to the MALL!!!! Yes, I took kids to the mall by myself on a Saturday just weeks before Christmas. And the funny thing is that Kade and Kamryn were awesome. I think Kade felt a little intimidated by it being so crowded that he stayed close and held my hand almost the whole time, and Kamryn slept most of the time in the sleepy wrap! It was awesome! I have found that Kamryn and Kade are alot like me. They like to get out of the house and walk around stores. Ryan on the other hand would rather be at home watching football!

And I just had to post a few random pictures of Kamryn.

Believe

The other night I saw on the news a story about a firefighter from AZ. He was out elk hunting and there were 60 mph winds that caused a tree to fall down onto his tent instantly killing him. He has a wife and 3 young kids. It must be so hard for this family to lose a loved one so close to the holidays. It does make me feel better to know that they have the same religious belief as I do and they do believe that families are forever and they will be reunited once again. But it still makes me wonder, How can I help?

Well I went to check for blog updates this morning of people's blogs I follow and I noticed that Summertime Designs was updated, which is a digital scrapbooking blog I follow. This wonderful women creates digital scrapbook kits and lets you download them for FREE. But you can also make donations. Well she has made this year's Christmas Kit in honor of this sweet family. And any donations made will go to help this family. The name of the kit is called Believe. Go here to read the entire story and also to download your free digital scrapbook kit and then DONATE to this wonderful family.

This once again reminds me how precious are time on earth really is. To really try and live each day to the fullest and cherish the moments we have with our family and friends. Sometimes as much as I wish that it would all just go by fast so that Kooper can be in my arms again. I remind myself that I should savor these moments and make good memories with my family and friends now and I will have that chance to make more memories with Kooper one day.

Our December so far

I cannot believe how fast time is going by. Even though I am counting down the days until Christmas which makes it seem so far away! But I still have so much to do before Christmas. I think I just need the motivation.

We started decorating for Christmas the Saturday after Thanksgiving and the first tree up was Koopeer's the other one took until almost the following Friday! I love having Kooper's tree up because it is the one time that his letters that I bought and hung on his wall before he was born were once there. They stayed there until Christmas and then we put them on his tree. I am glad I found a good use for them because I don't think I would be able to get rid of them! I miss him so much. I am such a slacker because I still haven't bought a present for a little boy in honor of him. I don't think I have been in Walmart since sometime in November. I avoid it around the holidays. I think this weekend we are going to go put up his tree at the cemetery. Here is Kade helping me decorate Kooper's tree.

We had one of the busiest Saturday's ever last Saturday. Of course I forgot my camera, so all the pictures are from my phone, sorry if they are blurry! I took the kids to one of my co-workers son's birthday party at Chuck-e-cheese. Then we all went to the Surprise Festival and watched Cook's racing pigs, people ride elephants and camels, and watched the hot air balloons. Kade rode the train. He really wanted to ride the camel, but by the time we actually went to get in line they had cut if off for the night.

Kade showing us his ticket!


We kept Kamryn nice and warm. It was pretty cold on Saturday. I had her in the sleepy wrap with a nice fuzzy blanket wrapped around her and the hat I bought for when we go to UT. Glad I had it or her head would have gotten super cold. She slept most of the time but enjoyed a little people watching!
We were home for an hour before we had our church Christmas Dinner. Kade was excited to see his church friends and super excited to see Santa. He has been too shy at the mall to sit on his lap, he must be really comfortable when we are at church because he walked right up and sat on Santa's lap and told him exactly what he wanted.
I love the coziness of the holidays! To be honest I am still all cozied up and haven't left the house all day. I love it!

Sleepy Girl!

I have been busy and out and about all day. It doesn't seem like I got much accomplished and I haven't lifted a finger since I got home. But I had to post these pictures of Kamryn! Yesterday she was playing in her jumperoo and Kade was playing with her...she loves it so much she will jump for quite a while. Kade yells to me, "Mom, she won't wake up!" and for a few seconds my heart fluttered worried that maybe Kade gave her one of his small toys and I rushed over to her and was happy to see her sleeping. We have had many talks about how Kamryn can only have HER toys and that she can't play with his (especially legos!) But it was so cute to see here asleep in her jumperoo!

You know you're ________ when....

You know you're pregnant when...

-All you want to do is sleep and sleep some more.
-The thought of some of your favorite foods makes you throw up a little bit in your mouth.
-Almost any scent...even a good one makes you want to puke.
-You haven't eaten in quite a while but force yourself and yet it only make it worse.
-Your jeans are getting a little more snug even though you eat less than you normally do.
-You can no longer go running because you feel like you are going to puke at any minute.
-You wake up at 12:30 am starving because you haven't eaten in 8 hours and can't go back to sleep until you eat.
-You have to pee a million times a day.
-You have raging hormones that make you start yelling over the tiniest reason.
-You cry at least once a day (over a commercial!!!).
-You get one of these....

-You go to the doctor's office and you see a little bean kicking and moving their arms and legs and you see their heart beating on the ultrasound screen and tears come to your eyes.

Yes, I am pregnant! It is a bit of a surprise and yes I do know how babies are made. Some people have questioned my feelings, am I sad, upset or not wanting this baby? NO WAY! The thought of a newborn, of a new member of our family of one of God's greatest gifts only brings a smile to my face. I was contemplating waiting until we knew the gender of the baby, but I almost felt like I was lying to my blog...keeping a secret. Plus I want to document this pregnancy just as much as I did my last. Ryan and I are excited for the adventure! I am sure it will be one! So to all those out there who think we are crazy...(I actually sometimes wonder if I am) BRING IT ON! We've been through a lot and I think this is just another blessing!

BABY #4 expected to arrive in June 2010!