I'm trying to be like Jesus

For people who aren't familiar with the church I go to, we have a class that is for the women in the church and it's called Relief Society. It is one of my favorite parts of church on Sunday. It is just so nice to go to a class and listen to others experiences and learn of ways to improve our family and our life and to be the best women, wife, and mother to our family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and all those around us. I always feel so uplifted and I always get so much out of the lessons. That was one of the biggest things that I missed when I had a calling where I served the young women in the ward. I loved being with them and teaching lessons, but there is just something so nice and uplifting about Relief Society.

The lesson today especially touched my heart. One thing stuck out to me. It talked about having wayward children that fall away from the church or are rebellious and possibly get themselves into bad things. The one thing we can do is pray for them and not give up on them or disown them. I worry sometimes about what my kids choices will be. They have free agency and will one day be the ones making the choice whether or not to go to church or go on a mission, or do drugs, or participate in things that are not good. I hope I don't end up in that position but the one thing I will do if I do have a wayward child is to pray for them and not to give up on them or disown them. If we did give up on them then we wouldn't be doing what Jesus would do. Would he turn his back or give up on us after a mistake? The teacher also talked about a story and I can't remember who it was by but that person had been walking by the primary room (where the kids go for class) and heard the children singing the song, I'm trying to be like Jesus. Kids are so innocent and to hear them sing those words and with such courage and enthusiasm always brings a smile to my face. As she read the words tears came to my eyes as I thought about how I can try to be like Jesus and I pictured Kade singing it and I decided that this year in our house I am going to try and focus with Kade on that topic and teach him that song. Because that is why we are here to be tested. Our goal is to be like Jesus.

I found a youtube video with the song sung by children with pictures of Christ so you can hear the words too.


I’m trying to be like Jesus;
I’m following in his ways.
I’m trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice,
But I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,

Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.

I’m trying to love my neighbor;
I’m learning to serve my friends.
I watch for the day of gladness when Jesus will come again.
I try to remember the lessons he taught.
Then the Holy Spirit enters into my thoughts, saying:

Love one another as Jesus loves you.
Try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
For these are the things Jesus taught.

I love getting my hair done!

I love to get a haircut, even if it's only a trim and the style didn't change. It just makes me feel so much better. Plus someone else drys/styles your hair for you and it always looks way better than when you do it. This is what I did today. I got a haircut and color. I went dark...not as dark as Ryan would have liked, but it's dark. Next time I will go darker! I really like it! I have had a hard time finding someone affordable and good at cutting/dying hair. It's crazy how much it costs at salons especially here in AZ. Plus about a week or two before I had Kooper I went to a local salon here and got a hack job done on my hair. It was totally uneven in the back and just HORRIBLE! I had to go to another salon that was EXPENSIVE and have it fixed.

My friend Jenna has a friend that does her hair and I asked her if she could do my hair sometime. So I took the kids out to Mesa today to hang out with Jenna and her kids before I got my haircut. She was also watching a little 3 month old girl who happens to be the daughter of her friend cutting my hair. It was a little crazy we have 5 kids under 5! Three of them were 1 and under! It was crazy (did I already say that?), we even ventured out to an outdoor mall to let Kade and Jenna's son Sumner play in the water/splash pad area and maybe do a little shopping. It was interesting to say the least.

Kade loved the baby. He held her and talked to her, he has such a love for babies. He will make a good dad some day. He got her to smile and stop crying. Kamryn wasn't really jealous at all when I was holding her (hopefully it stays somewhat that way). She got worried when the baby would cry but for the most part she was interested in everything else. They would stare at each other and exchange smiles. It was cute!

It was a fun day!

Small talk with an old lady

Today an old lady start talking to Ryan and about our kids. She asked how far apart Kamyrn and Kade were and I told her 4 years. She replied with, "That's quite a big gap!" and then I threw back at her, "I did have another boy in between them but he died." not rudely but enough for her to possibly shut her mouth. Then she through back at me, "At least you have kids. I always wanted them but never had any." I felt bad for a minute. But thought who was she to judge how far apart my kids should be? Oh well we continued on with the conversation (we were waiting for Ryan's turn to get his haircut). She was nice and just asked questions about the kids. I hope I didn't offend her.I am pretty sure I didn't, because Ryan would have let me know. I was just bothered about her comment and wanted to stand up for myself. I wish Kade did have a closer sibling to him. But God had other plans. Now that I am having two so close together I am sure I will have similar reactions but just the opposite!

I already get that surprised look out of people when they ask me how far apart Kamryn and Keegan will be. I tell them almost almost a year exactly they always tell me how hard that it's going to be. But honestly how many of them have kids a year apart? How do they REALLY know? Yeah maybe they babysit kids that are a year apart, but are those kids siblings and are those kids theirs? I think that makes a big difference, could be worse could be better, but I think they will get used to the fact that they are both around all the time and I will get used to them and I will know them inside and out, better than a babysitter. Before I had Kamryn I thought, wow this would be hard if Kooper were here. Now I am getting ready for that situation with a 1 year old and a newborn and honestly I am not really worried about it(yet). I know there may be challenges, but for some reason I am not nervous or scared or even thinking about how hard it is going to be. I know it will take adjusting,I am mostly worried about leaving the house alone with them. Maybe I am thinking more about as they get older how much easier it will be and that idea or thought is drowning out the thought of when they are so little still. Guess I can only wait and see.

I wish I would have taken before and after pictures of Ryan. He decided to let his hair grow a little (maybe I will get some pics tonight). It has been shaved weekly for the past 5 years....it was getting long and needed trimmed. It's not long enough yet to really style it, but in about a week it should be. It is weird seeing my man with hair again! But he's looking hot! I haven't actually told him this, but I encouraged it because I am sure that he won't have hair for too long.... all males in his family are bald on top or it's pretty thin (hope I don't offend any family members reading this)! He might as well have some hair while he can!

Big Boy!

I woke up nice and early this morning to go to the doctors. I had a BPP(bio physical profile) ultrasound and got to see little Keegan! It seems like it's been so long because at my last few appointments the doctor hasn't used the machines that are just in his office for fun. It was good to see the little guy. Although sometimes it is scary, sometimes I am afraid that if he hasn't been super active that they will pull up the screen and I will see the horrible nightmare I have seen before. The cord is by his neck, which wasn't what caused Kooper's death but it's still scary! I am sure he will move around and next week it won't be there! You heard that right, next week. Now that I will be 28 weeks in a few days I will be having weekly ultrasounds and visits with the doctor.

Anyhow Keegan is looking good. When Kade saw the ultrasounds he shouted, "I can't wait to see my brother!" He is measuring 2 pounds 14 ounces (that would be the 90th percentile and 2 weeks ahead.) According to the doctors measurements I am 1 week ahead. When they were doing the ultrasound calculations just based on his femur measurement alone the EDD (expected due date) was June 1st! So looks like we got a big boy coming! The doctor recommended that I cut back on the carbs (pouty look) if I don't want him to be HUGE! I am just sad because most of my favorite foods are carbs! It's a good thing watermelon and strawberry season are coming. Fruits, cheese, meats and last of all veggies(yuck) will be my food! . My placenta was in the way as usual so the tech didn't get the best shots...but there will be many more to come :)

A visit to the cemetery

I knew Easter was coming up fast on me. I wanted to be better and get something out to the cemetery for Kooper before it was actually Easter! For Valentines day I waited until a few days before to get my little decorations and then there wasn't much left at Hobby Lobby, so for Easter I bought some stuff about a month ago. I decided that this morning would be a good day to go.

It is such a nice day outside. Ryan brought some water and wax to wash and shine his headstone. While Kade and I put up the little decorations Kamryn sat on the grass and before we know it we look over and she is laying down enjoying the sun! I had to snap a picture.

There aren't alot of fresh sites in the babyland which is always a good site to see. The last few times we have been it seems like there have been at least a few fresh burial sites which breaks my heart.

I think this picture looks funny. Kamryn doesn't want to look up because of the sun and then I also got a picture of everybody else's foot!

We put a little solar lamp up and a green windmill and some blue Easter eggs.

Kade enjoyed running around with the squirt bottle!

Kade

I finally got Kade to eat Macaroni and Cheese. What kid doesn't like mac n cheese? Tonight I convinced him to try it again. A few nights ago we had fettuccine alfredo and he loved it, so I figured I would give the mac n cheese another try. He didn't eat alot, but he did eat it!

Kade also has been informing me lately that his name isn't Kade, it's Kaden. He has a friend at Preschool named Caden and he likes it better than his name. He doesn't always correct me. but every once in a while he says, my name is Kaden! It actually would go well with our other kids names, except Koopers. All ending with n and all.

He is a such a funny boy and such a big helper. Today he asked if he could hold Keegan. I said, when he gets bigger and comes out. In the back of my head I thought hopefully. He kind of sat there for a minute and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was. I wondered if he thought will this baby get to come home with us? I have faith that he will. I have to, there is nothing else I can do. Even though I have had a normal healthy pregnancy since Kooper, although Kooper's was normal and healthy there was just an "accident" at the end. I still have the same fears and anxieties that I did with Kamryn. Sometimes I think it's worse this time around.

So after the silence he looked at me and described how Keegan will come out, "You will go to the hospital, and the doctor will pick him out...but not with scissors." and that was that.

He is such a sweet boy!

The kids

Today I had to take Kamryn to get her blood drawn to test for anemia and lead. I never had to do this with Kade. Before I took her I looked at her arms and wondered where they heck they were going to get this blood from because you couldn't see any veins, and when nurse went to draw the blood and put the turnaket ( i am not sure how to spell that one!) on you couldn't see a vein, and she could barely feel one, so she basically went in blind and luckily got it after just moving around a little. Poor baby!

Kade is a growing boy. I haven't measured or weighed him since his last doctors appointment but that boy has had a big appetite lately and he looks bigger to me. I think he is going through a growth spurt.

Here is a little story about Kade

When we went to visit my parents during Christmas I brought home a little cradle that I got for Christmas when I was 2. I brought it for Kamryn to play with eventually. I also brought home one of the last dolls I ever got, which was an American Girl Bitty Baby doll. Packed up with her was a white crocheted blanket that I got for Christmas along with the doll. Well I brought these things home and I put them in Kamryn's room. In the past week I have come in and Kade has put the doll in the cradle and placed the white crocheted blanket on top of the doll sometimes completely covering the whole cradle. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was hiding his brother Kooper. I am glad that he remembers the white blanket that Kooper was buried with. It was my blessing blanket. And I am glad that he remembers his brother. It reminds me without him telling me that he misses him. He tells me at least once a week that he wishes Kooper was here.

It makes me happy that Kade remembers Kooper and talks about him, but sometimes it breaks my heart that he doesn't understand why his little brother was taken away from him. I know that one day he will understand that is happened for a reason. Sometimes I still wonder. One day we will know.