Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's been a while since I updated my blog.....

On Tuesday we went to see Kooper and put some new Sunflowers in his vase and I was so very happy when I got there and saw that the vase hadn't been ran over and that his little purple guy with his sign saying, "I'm a Big Brother" was still there! I think that it was the first time I left the cemetery and been at peace. I usually end up crying the whole way home sad because I don't have my little monkey with us and mad at whoever messed up his vase or stole a decoration we had left there. Of course I was sad that he wasn't here but I think I am becoming more at peace with it everyday. I miss him like crazy though!


I think it brought on a dream about him. I hardly ever have dreams about him. I don't really remember the dream, but I remember our family being together picking Kooper running up to me and scooping him up and hugging him in my arms...a little 15 month old boy. The only strange thing was that he had blonde hair! It was as if he had never left us. Suddenly I woke up and he was gone, only I was looking for him. For a few seconds I actually believed he was here. I searched in the bed frantic and within seconds realized that it was only my dream.

It doesn't seem strange to me that I woke up thinking he was here, because many times after I had him I would wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if it was all a dream, or nightmare. And I would put my hand on my stomach and realize that he is not here. That hasn't happened in a while.

What I would give to hold him in my arms again! My Kooper! Tomorrow we are carving pumpkins. I bought 3 pumpkins, one for each of my kids.


Some other Halloween fun that we have been up to is today Kade and I made some yummy dirt dessert with gummy worms and all! It was YUMMY!










It is weird to think back to last year. Thinking of the fall and going through our first holidays without Kooper. I think it will be a little easier this year, but who knows I guess we will just have to wait and see.

I am excited for the fall to be here. The cool weather, and all the fun Holidays! I am already planning for Thanksgiving, and Halloween isn't over yet! For any of you that know me well, you know I am not a fan of Thanksgiving food (mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams...just to name a few) So this year if we end up having it at our house, we will be having a "Perry" Thanksgiving dinner with non-traditional Thanksgiving food. I am kind of excited for it!

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