New flowers for Kooper

Sometimes I really wish that I took more time in choosing Kooper's resting place. The cemetery he is buried at has been frustrating me to no end. Every time I go I end up mad and that isn't the feeling that I want to have after visiting the burial site of my sweet little boy. It seemed so perfect him being buried in Babyland with lots of other little babies. There are just so many restrictions on what you can do and not everybody get effected by these rules. There is a rule that nothing can be sticking in the ground, although I see a few with wrought iron shepherds hooks or the flag holders where you can put flags for different holidays. Well I had a cute little firefly wrought iron stick and I put it far into the ground so it wasn't drawing much attention and when we would visit it was pulled out of the ground and put in the vase. I would just put it back and then one day we came and it was gone. I am not sure if the cemetery removed it or if someone stole it. But as I looked around everybody else who had something similar, theirs was still intact. I let it go and said to myself rules are rules. So Tuesday we decided to get some Easter decorations and go put them up. I got these cute little eggs that you can stick in floral decorations or the ground. We went to the cemetery and when I got there his sunflowers were gone, his vase was bent like it got ran over. I am guessing that it got run over by their little golf carts they drive around or someone who has no respect and traded their vase for ours. They are removable so when you aren't using them you turn them upside down and they are stored in the ground. I was so upset. Luckily that day my cup wasn't full so I didn't completely flip out. We went down the road to Michael's and I bought some new flowers and a squirt bottle to clean off his marker. I am afraid if I call the cemetery I might just start bawling to the point that they won't even understand me, or start yelling at them which would get me no where. I am hoping I can get Ryan to do it on his next day off. I am hoping they will replace his vase and maybe they will stop driving their golf carts over peoples headstones and enforce the same rules for anybody or let me do the same. I know they drive the carts over headstones because I have seen the tracks.

Sometimes I wish I would have had the money for a nice bench so there was no way they were running over my baby. But since Kooper died before he was able to take a breath outside my tummy he wasn't covered under any sort of life insurance so we didn't have $15,000 to spend on a nicer marker. I know it doesn't really matter. I am sure Kooper could care less what kind of marker he has. One day I will fight for that right for parents who lose their babies. He is a baby that if born would have easily survived and there should be no reason why he wasn't covered under life insurance. He is no different than Kade or any other baby. That is a whole other post.

Sorry this turned into a negative post, I just feel like there isn't much more I can do for Kooper right now and to make the place where his body is laid beautiful.

The bent vase....