Today I am feeling very lonely. Yes I will be spending time with my sweet husband and funny boy tonight, but sometimes it just really feels like someone important is missing. I think that I get that way especially when something doesn't go the way that I want it to. When I am somewhat disappointed that it didn't work out I look back on how and why my life sucks and then I realize that I have so many blessings. It's kind of like when you have had the worst day ever and then you get home and your child smiles at you, or your dog just runs up and starts licking your face because he can tell you are sad. I just want to hold my little boy.I don't want to do a poor me rant because I am lucky. I don't have to worry about Kooper I know he is in the best place ever and that I will be with him again. I don't have to worry about him going to school and getting with the wrong group of friends or worry he will fall away from the church. He will be there waiting for me and it's up to me to fulfill my end of the bargain so we can be together again. I worry constantly what the future holds for Kade. I hope he has the desire to have good friends,eventually go on a mission and to be married in the temple. Although Kooper is in a better place now I still miss my baby so much today. I wish I were doing this.... (wellnot exactly but holding my Kooper, you get the point)
Thursday nights and the days of Friday can still be hard for me. I went into the hospital on a Thursday night and had Kooper on Friday. Every Friday when I look at the clock I think of the time that I got to spend with him. I miss him so much. He is a blessing to our family and has made me a better person and a better Mom.
I just have to share a funny comment Kade made the other day. We were walking around in Sam's Club and got to the clothes. Kade picked up a little girls outfit and held it up to my belly and said, "Kamryn, do you like this?" and then a few seconds later looked at me and said, "Yep, she does."
I am off to go pick up Kade from daycare. I am sure he will fulfill that empty feeling when he runs up screaming "Mommy!"
2 comments:
I know how you feel. I have been feeling this way a lot lately. I want to tell the whole world that Scott is my baby. I want to hold him so much.
I have been transfering all of my blog stuff about Scott to his own blog the last few days. I feel the need/desire to write more of what I have been feeling lately.
I hope you have a good night. Please know I will be thinking about you.
Beautiful picture. Lonliness is hard. I have those "empty" days too, when all I want to do is hold Branson again...to see him, to kiss his little head, and feel his little toes. On those days I try to imagine what it will feel like the first time I get to embrace him on the other side. I imgaine it will be the most incredible thing...it will completely over take the emptiness and fill my arms with love.
Your little Kade is so cute, and I'm so glad he's there to fill your arms when they're aching.
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