Kamryn's baby blessing

On Sunday July 26th Ryan gave Kamryn her baby blessing at my parents house. She wore my blessing dress that my Grandma Williams made for me. Surprisingly there weren't alot of spit up stains on it. (I spit up everything I ate as a baby!)
She looked so cute. The dress had purple ribbon bows on the front so I bought her a matching bracelet to wear and a cute flower to match!

Kamryn and her Daddy!

Aunt Ashley and Kamryn

Me, Kamryn and my Mom

Kamryn in my blessing dress.

Me on my blessing day.

Sleepy baby

I love how babies sleep. Kade slept the same way, but with the chipmunk cheeks my little princess has, it makes this the cutest little picture! I just had to share.

Boys will be boys!

Today as I put a scoop of dog food in CJ's dog bowl a memory came back to me that I never want to forget. It will also bring lots of laughter to Kade's girlfriends when he gets older. Girls may NEVER want to kiss him (which is perfectly fine with me)!

From the time Kade could crawl around we have had to hide or put up CJ's dog food. I don't know why but he loved it. The thought of tasting it, even the smell makes me want to puke. Up until about a year ago I would find Kade in the laundry room putting dog food in his mouth. You would think that I starve the kid or refuse him food. I would tell him, if you are hungry, let me know and I will find you something to eat.

Sometimes I would have to pry his mouth open just to get it out. Boys are weird....

When I told my Dad about this horrible habit or fetish Kade had with dog food he went on to to tell me that when he had to go help out on the farm as a kid, him and his brothers would go into the shed where the dog food was, and eat it. My dad is probably going to kill me for putting it on my blog, but REALLY??? Dog food?? Come on! I guess I just don't understand boys!

New love....

So I have a new love, besides digital scrapbooking, I love leggings. A friend from my ward gave me this cute little outfit for Kamryn and I LUV the leggings. I can't wait for the fall when she can wear them without being too hot. So I had to take her picture in these cute leggings and added this cute flower and headband that another friend that I am in Young Womens with gave Kamryn. I normally wouldn't put this big of a flower on her until her head grows a little bigger, but I couldn't resist!

By the way...she weighs 10 lbs 7 oz at 1 month old.

Here she is giving me the evil eye....

My first digital scrapbook page!

I have always wanted to try digital scrapbooking and until my friend Lori showed me the ropes I was scared to try it. It's actually easier for me because it isn't so hard to change sizes of anything and I don't have to go get specific prints and then have to choose the size when I am ordering. It's really fun and I know in no time I am going to be addicted to it!

So here it is the first of many digital scrapbook pages.

Kooper's Birthday!

Yesterday was for the most part a good day. I cried, I laughed and spent the day with my family remembering Kooper. Ryan got off work early and we went and got balloons to release at the cemetery. My Mom brought down this cute bird thing (hard to describe) and I taped on it a sign that says, "I'm a big brother!". I also bought some new flowers to replace the faded ones. I would have posted photos of them but when we got to the cemetery we again found a ran over, dented vase. I started to get very upset. I was there on the anniversary of my sons birth/death and his vase had been ran over and dented and the rude person that did this did not have the decency to replace the vase. I calmed down very quickly when Ryan said we would drive over to the cemetery office and report it all and make sure it NEVER happens again. So later this week when the vase gets replaced I will post pictures of the cute sign and bird.

The poor vase......:(

Kade let his balloon go early accidentally.

div>

Later that day Kade was in our dirt backyard and made a rock pile. He called me out and told me that he made it for Kooper. Then he asked if we could go pick him up. I asked him where he was and his reply was heaven. I told him we couldn't go get him and his reply was that he really wanted his balloon back.

Later that night Ryan had to run to the grocery store. On the way there they saw an airplane up in the sky. Ryan began to talk to Kade about how he and Mommy and Kamryn would be going on an airplane in a week or so and that he needed to help me and be brave because it was going to be soooo fun! (last airplane trip we almost got kicked off because he wouldn't stop screaming that he wanted to get off the plane). Kade continued to ask if he could pick Kooper up when he was up in the airplane since Kooper is in heaven which means the sky to Kade.

To end our day we had cake and sang Happy Birthday to Kooper!

In Memory of our baby Kooper

Words cannot describe the pain that I felt yesterday. Although I thought the year anniversary seemed so far away, it has come so fast. Last July 10th and 11th seems like they were only yesterday. I wish I could go back in time and change the way things happened, but I just have to remind myself that it happened for a reason. I still don't know what that reason is but one day I will find out. I have to remind myself of all the positive things that can come from something so heartbreaking.

Yesterday I was so sad that Kooper wasn't here and just had an overall bad day. It was the day that he died. I am not sure when exactly but I knew it was that day sometime that he stopped moving. I expected to feel the same way today, but to my surprise I don't. I am not exactly happy, but I feel at peace. I still wish Kooper was here. I am sure I will have a mixture of emotions today but the most important thing about today it to celebrate that Kooper is part of our family. He is a special spirit that was meant to touch our lives and make us stronger. He is Our son. He is Kade and Kamryn's brother. He is an inspiration to me.

It is weird how someone so small can have such a HUGE impact on so many people. I miss him more than anything in this world. I yearn to hold him. Kamryn has helped heal some wounds and has helped me have hope that not all pregnancies will go badly, but she will never replace my baby. As much as she fills my arms today and I am so lucky to have her and love her so very much I still have empty arms and a hole in my heart. I keep it together and am not depressed but there is not one day that I don't think about my Kooper. Everyday before I go to bed I look at his ultrasound picture beside my bed or the picture hanging on the wall and I pray for him. I love him so much. My kids mean the world to be and I am so glad that the Lord has blessed me with them.

Kooper,

We love you very much. You are so special to our family and we look forward to the day when we will be together again.

Sending Hugs and Kisses all the way to heaven!

Love,
Daddy, Mommy, Kade and Kamryn

Kamryn's first photo shoot!

I am so excited to show you pictures from Kamryn's first photo session. Lori who took my maternity pictures came over last week and took pictures of Kamryn. I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!!!!

4th of July!

My hottie hustband!

Cute little SaraJane! We can't call her "Baby Jane" anymore! She is such a cutie and when her face is not covered in cake she looks just like her Mommy!

Jenna made the cute bow and bracelet! Thanks Jenna!

And of course I had to find a picture where you get to see her whole outfit!

We hope everyone had a wonderful and safe 4th of July. Ours was a blast. We spent the day with friends not only celebrating our Independence but celebrating SaraJane's 1st Birthday! Kade had fun playing with his buddy Sumner and Landon and met a new friend named Ryan. It is amazing how fast this past year has gone by. I can't believe that SaraJane is 1! I don't know if the first few weeks of July will always be such a mixture of emotions for me. SaraJane and Kooper were supposed to share a birthday (according to Jenna and I). We had it all planned out. Jenna made a video of SaraJane's first year and seeing the pictures of her birth brought back many memories of what I have lost and the birth story that I wish I had. The turnout that I wish would have been the case for Kooper. I know that God has a plan for me and my family and I can't change his plan and that there was nothing that I could do. The experience has made me a better person and who I am today.

I love SaraJane so much, she has a special place in my heart.

This first week of July has already been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I keep going back to a year ago and what was happening then. I wish so bad that things would have turned out different. Even if Kamryn were still going to be here now, I wish that I had both of them here with me. I miss my sweet baby boy so much and I wish he were here. I am so lucky to have my family and I am grateful for them. I am grateful for Kamryn and her sweet spirit that has joined our family.

Flashback from a year ago....we went to visit RD, Jenna and SaraJane after she was born!

If my post sounds a little sad or depressing to anyone don't worry about me. I am just posting my true feelings and I have a right to be sad or depressed at times, especially at this time of year. It is normal. I am a Mother who is coming up on a special milestone. I don't know how I will feel or react on his birthday, but hopefully it is peace. I want to celebrate that he is part of our family and we are forever a family!

I am glad they love naps!

Because I need a little quiet time once in a while....to clean, blog, shower and have a little ME time.