Good News!

So....I have some excited news that some of you may already know, but Ryan and I are expecting our 3rd little one on July 11th (due date is tentative!). Based on the ultrasound today I am not sure what due date we are going off of. When I first found out I was pregnant I went into the doctors and Dr. McKernan did a little Ultrasound on his old machines that he keeps in his rooms for fun. And I saw what looked to be a little grain of rice! I was only around 5 weeks pregnant. They took some blood to test all my levels and that fun stuff. Everything looked good, and Dr. Mckernan ordered an ultrasound for a few weeks later. When we went in for the ultrasound the tech said our due date looked to be July 11th based on the size and everything. It was a little shocker because at my earlier appt based on my last period I would be due July 2nd. It also was also a shocker because that is the day Kooper was born. I was a little happy because it felt like a tender mercy from the Lord telling me that everything would be alright. As soon as we told the ultrasound Tech she said, Oh, it actually looks like the 10th. I am pretty sure she changed it, thinking it was sad for us. Because she printed off ultrasounds for us that had both dates, the 10th and 11th.

So today we went in for an Ultrasound where they measure the nuchal fold at the neck and measure the nasal bone. They also drew my blood. The ultrasound is done to check for chromosomal defects. My doctor warned me not to get freaked out about anything they say, because anything they might think looks a little off could be wrong and that they don't diagnose anything. He said I didn't have to have it done if I didn't want to.


I figured that I would do it so I could see my little baby kicking around. A few weeks earlier at a previous appointment I got to see on the old U/S machine the baby kicking its legs. During this ultrasound the baby wasn't as active, but was moving around and his/her hands were up by his/her face.


I also was glad I was doing this because sometimes when I look back I felt like no one said there is a chance your baby could die, there is a chance your baby could wrap itself around it's lifeline and die. I felt like I was in a fantasy world and that it couldn't or wouldn't happen to me. I felt like Kooper was guaranteed especially after 36 weeks. No one said here is the risk. I know some may get freaked out about it, but I felt like I didn't know or maybe I just ignored it when I heard it. It may have only been 1%, but that 1% happened to me. So I figured I don't want any surprises. Of course it is all in God's hands but I want to be prepared.


Anyhow everything looks good. Ryan was a little freaked out but I am optimistic and our baby looks great for now!


Below is the ultrasound from earlier today!





So I am anywhere between 12 weeks 4 days and 13 weeks 5 days. The Tech today said I was measuring right in the middle. As of now, I have no idea what date my doctor is going off of. I will have to ask at my next appt.

Christmas Day!

Christmas Day was so much fun! It definitely was a WHITE Christmas! It snowed all day long and didn't seem to stop. Here are some pictures from our Christmas. We didn't get many on our camera, and I forgot to get the picture off my Mom's. Later that night we went to Marley and Me. Such a cute movie! Kade even sat through it! His first movie he didn't chicken out on because it was tooo dark! It was a blizzard on the way home. Even though our Mazda didn't have 4-wheel drive, we made it slipping and sliding down the roads. On the way back to Grandma and Grandpas we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus.

Kade playing Guitar HERO!

Kade playing his DS

Here are some pictures of all the snow!!!

Daion and Tasia


Look how deep the snow is!!!!!!!!

I had to throw CJ in a few times!

Kade and Tasia making snow angels.

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

(This is a post I did while we were in Utah, but didn't have time to finish)

Kade thinks everyday is Christmas here in Utah at Grandma & Grandpa Williams house. He thinks just because there is snow that it must be Christmas. Last night Ryan and I came home from the mall while Kade hung out with Grandma. Instead of saying Santa Clause is coming he yells, "Jesus is coming!" He is so funny. He loves to sing Christmas songs like Jingle Bells, Once there was a Snowman, & Santa Clause is Coming to Town.

As soon as he saw the first sight of snow this Christmas he told me, "Mom, I want to make a snowballman!" I said, "Okay!"

Everytime he sees a picture of Jesus he likes to say, "It's baby Jesus!"

I love 3 year olds. They say the funniest things and tell the truth, because they don't really know yet how to lie, or lie good enough to where you actually beleive them.

They have magic in their eyes and are fascinated by the tiniest things.

Here are some pictures of Kade and his cousins Tasia and Daion with Grandpa having fun in the snow!

Kade and Tasia on the sled.

A tree for our little Angel

So Tuesday we drove down to Babyland and put Kooper's little tree up for him. I was really late on getting everything together so all the good stuff was gone at the stores. Next year will be better, I PROMISE. Then the wire we bought to stake the tree down didn't work out so well, because it had been so rainy that the ground was too soft. So we put it in his vase.

Kade just woke up from his nap and didn't want to be involved in the picture taking so we only got a picture of the tree.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Kooper's Tree

So last January I got a tree on clearance at Lowes for really cheap. Throughout the year when I thought of the tree I was trying to think of what the heck I was going to do with it. I already had a tree, but I wanted a bunch of Christmas trees in my house like my mom.

So after Kooper died and as it got closer to Christmas I figured I could make it Kooper's tree. I decided to decorate it in light blue, orange and white since those are the colors of Kooper's outfit that he wore. I took the letters of his name off the wall to hang on the tree. Jenna taught me how to make bows, I found this cute orange ribbon at hobby lobby and made TONS of bows. Here is the picture of his tree.




Kooper would have been 5 months old today. time has flown by so fast, It feels like yesterday that I was laying on the couch feeling him kick.

I love my husband!

Our engagement photo.

I just wanted to tell you Ryan that I love you. I am so lucky to have you as not only my husband but eternal companion. I feel like a horrible wife because all I do is sleep! My new work schedule sucks, but it will have to work for now. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate all you do, for Kade and I. For all the housework you've picked up on and having to take care of Kade alot more by yourself than you have been used to. You are such a great Dad and Husband.

Since Ryan and I have been married we haven't gotten many pictures of us taken together. So I thought I would share some from the past. Sweet memories!

Here is a picture from Ryan's senior prom in 2000.

He came up from Phoenix to be at my Senior Prom in 2003.

I have not posted picture from our wedding here before so here are some of my favorites. Ryan and I were married August 9, 2003. We were sealed for time and all eternity 2 years later in the Logan LDS temple.

Here is our beautiful wedding cake that my Aunt Pam made.

Some of the funny details of the wedding that I remember are how nervous Ryan was, that he would say the wrong thing. And how annoyed I was that we had to take so many pictures. And how we had to check in to the place we were staying by a certain time so on the way to our Reception/Dinner we had to stop and check in at the Anniversary Inn and I truely did wait out in the car and it seemed like forever. Well by the time we got to our recpetion/dinner everyone assumed that we had stopped "in" the room. Which was kind of embarassing, especially since we didn't. How as Ryan and I walked back down the isle after we were married my neice Tasia (flowergirl) and cousin Ryan (ringboy) kept trying to jump on the train of my dress.

Here are some of my favorite details: Our song that we walked back down the isle together as a married couple was, "When you say Nothing at All" played on the piano by someone my mom hired. And then my boquet was my favorite accessory. It was exactly how I pictured it. It had orange and pink ribbon laced down the long stems. I wish i had a picture!

That was one of the happiest days of my life. One that you wish you could relive every once in a while.

Anyways, Thank you Ryan. For making me smile and laugh for the last 9 years and being my sweet husband for the last 5! You truely are amazing, and I love you.

I miss you!

Kooper,

You're always on my mind and forever in my heart. I will always remember you and I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

With lots of love! XOXOX

Your proud Mommy!

Being there for others.

So this morning I woke up at 4 am. Yes I know CRAZY, but my sleep schedule has been so off lately that it actually isn't that crazy for me.

Anyhow I woke up and couldn't get Kooper off my mind. I started thinking about what if, what if it happens again. I started to panic a little wondering if God would think I am strong enough to go through it again. Wondering if I could ever come out sane if it happened again. But he knows me better than myself. He has a plan and really there isn't much I could do about it to change it. He won't give me more than I can handle. He has blessed me so much. All I can do is thank him for all that I have.

So I started thinking about the things my doctor told me, how he would let me borrow a doppler next time and how I would have lots and lots of ultrasounds and go in for non-stress test almost weekly as I reached the end. This then reminded me of being pregnant with my best friend Jenna. How we both went into labor on July 3rd. Lucky her, she was dilated, poor me was sent home. I started thinking about the last ultrasound we had of our little guy on July 1st. Just replaying those last weeks of his life in my mind, of what I actually could remember.

I tried and tried to go back to sleep but I just kept getting this nagging feeling. So I decided that since I have slept soooo much lately and haven't checked my e-mail in who knows how long that I would do that.

This may sound weird, but ever since I lost Kooper every Sunday I look at the obituaries in my hometown newspaper. I did it before, but not as often as I do know. I realized that I actually hadn't looked in a while. Unfortunately there was an obituary of a little stillborn baby girl Olivia. As I read the obituary I saw something unexpected. The father of this little girl was a friend of mine when I was in elementary school who about a year ago contacted me and added me to his Myspace. I didn't really talk to him much, because well I hadn't really talked to him since Elementary school.

I sent him a message right away. Because I have had so many others be there for me. Who knew how I felt. And I wanted him to know that I was there for him and his significant other. I knew that there was a reason I couldn't get Kooper off my mind and it must have been that I needed to contact him.

I just want to say Thanks to everyone who has been there for me. For all the support and love that our family has felt. We really do appreciate it!