Thursday, September 29, 2011

Go to sleep….PLEASE!

I am so very frustrated right now. I am going on 40 minutes of listening to Kamryn cry and scream for me from the crack of her door which then echoes down the tile hallway making it 10 time louder and waking Keegan up and keeping Kade from being able to fall asleep.  I feel horrible, I want to walk in there and hold her in my arms until she falls asleep but she doesn’t. She never falls asleep! EVER! She used to be such a GREAT sleeper. She would go to bed at 8 wake up at 8 or later. Never had any problems with her. Our only problem is that she would only sleep in her bed or in the car seat when we were driving. Well during out trip to Utah and Montana this summer she refused to go to bed. She figured out how to crawl out of the pack n play  and would come out of the room. (she just stopped crying and it has been exactly 45 minutes since this all started.) We would put her back and it would continue on and on. She would finally cry herself to sleep. I know that she was not comfortable where she was at but we had done this at my parents house before. We went to Montana and she had never been there before and she had to sleep in the same room as us in the pack n play but she would climb out. I hated leaving her in a strange room in a strange house so maybe this is where I went wrong but I laid by her hoping she would fall asleep. After 3 hours of hitting, kicking and screaming to come out I finally broke down and we went on a drive and she fell asleep and we transitioned her into her bed. We had to do this every night in Montana or we would have been all night. She did better in Utah as she got used to it. Then we get back to AZ and ever since not one single day has she gone down without screaming and crying at the door. In the beginning I felt bad for her because as a kid had a fear of the dark and so I empathized a little. I tried letting her sleep with the door open. She has a nightlight.  I tried letting her share the room with Kade and I tried Kade letting her sleep in his room but he would end up fast asleep and it would be 10:00 at night and she would be playing or climbing over Kade. If I left her door open she would sneak right out and lay on the couch and slowly sneak up on us. I tried laying by her to comfort her. But she just doesn’t sleep if anyone is around her even in the pitch black. So after a few weeks of playing around with making her comfortable I reverted back to what we had to do in Utah and how we originally got her to sleep through the night and self sooth in the first place, the Cry it out method. Which I have used with Kade, Kamryn and Keegan and it has worked well, until I try it on a 2 year old. Usually it takes a week or 2 at the most for there to be no crying but I am now going on 1 and a 1/2 months of her crying at her door. I don’t like it at all. It drives me bonkers! I feel so bad for her but I know that if I go in there that she will know that crying gives her attention. We have a routine and we stick to it every night.

There are so many good things about not co-sleeping with your kids. You get your own space, they aren’t still 4 and climbing into your bed in the middle of the night. Kade slept in our bed a lot and luckily shortly before Kamryn was born that changed and he was no longer allowed to come get in our bed. That kid would fall asleep almost anywhere. Sometimes I wish Kamryn was like that. If I wouldn’t have to put up with the screaming every night I would lay by her for 10 minutes (if it worked). I would let her fall asleep in my bed or on the couch and move her to her bed once she was asleep but she DOESN’T sleep anywhere unfamiliar. I can’t remember the last time she fell asleep in my arms. She was that little. I can’t remember her ever falling asleep without being strapped in something or in a pack n play or bed. She isn’t quite old enough to understand bribery or the reward of sleeping in her bed. At least I don’t think she does anyway.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel like a horrible mom but she needs her rest and this is the only way to do it, let her cry for 45 minutes until she realizes that no one is coming to get her. But how many days does it take to realize that we aren’t coming??? Does it take more days as they get older?

Sorry for the rambling I am just annoyed and wish I knew how to “fix” it but all I can do is try my best. I pray every night that she is comforted and that she will be able to fall asleep without screaming. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned and I have not yet come to learn it so God keeps it up until it gets through to me? I don’t know.

Thank goodness she is asleep!

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