Tuesday, April 7, 2009

All I want for my birthday....

Today is my birthday. I have been asked by my family what I want for my birthday and haven't really come up with an answer. I broke my phone so my answer to my husband was an iPhone, but that is a ridiculous request considering I have T-mobile and to get an iPhone off eBay or craigslist costs $500!!!!! So I wasn't really expecting it. This morning Ryan came to me disappointed. He has been searching everywhere for an iPhone for me (what a sweet husband). I am sure he would pay $500 for me to get one because he is just that kind of husband but he knows how upset I would be when I found out how much it costs. We don't have that kind of money but I know that he would do anything for me. As he apologized for not getting me the one thing I (jokingly) asked for I started to cry. He thought I was crying because I thought he was a horrible husband...I was crying because the one and only thing I really want I can't have. I want my baby here with me. I want Kooper to hold in my arms, give me a kiss, reach for me to pick him up, and cry for me to hold him. I miss him so much today. He is all I want for my birthday.
Sometimes I feel bad as I get really excited about having a little girl. I don't want Kooper to think he is being replaced or forgotten and I am sure he doesn't think that way, it is just a Mother's guilt. I know he would want his family to continue to grow. I just have to remind myself of that. Kamryn is going to be a lucky girl. She will have 2 big brothers looking after her, one a special guardian angel.

I am going to go get ready for the day, (I know it's 11:00 am). I am going to have a good day spending time with my family! Maybe we will just have to stop by and see our Kooper at the cemetary.

5 comments:

Lori said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I am the worst visitng teacher ever! I didn't even know it was your birthday! I hope you have a Happy Day! Good for you for getting ready. I'm still not, and it's 11:30. I guess since your phone is broken you probably didn't get my message. That's okay, I was afraid to leave it anyways. We will have to celebrate. Maybe I could take you to lunch?

The Pollock's said...

Happy Birthday! You defintely deserve a great one. You're a strong girl! I admire you so much, you're amazing. Hope your day goes well!

Brittanie said...

Oh honey (hugs)

I remember feeling this same way on my birthday after, when I was pregnant with Erin. But Kooper isn't being replaced, and he knows it. He would want you to be over the moon that Kamryn is coming.

I hope you can find some peace and have a happy birthday. (hugs)

Young Family said...

Happy birthday.

We sare going to the cemetary on Sunday. I want to take Scott some Easter lillies. I am looking forward to Easter because we are blessed with a knowledge of the resurrection. You will have Kooper back one day. Unfortunately we just have too wait much longer than we wish.

TheBurninghams said...

Happy birthday! You deserve a good one and don't worry, Kooper is here with you today. Just not in the way either of you prefers. Love you!