Yesterday while I was driving around for work I was close to Ryan’s work so I called him up and asked him if he wanted to meet for lunch. I was glad he was able to meet me. We don’t have much alone time without the kids so it was nice to just meet up and have a little lunch date.
Recently a friend of Ryan’s he met through work passed away unexpectedly. As we talked at lunch Ryan brought up how it reminded him of when Kooper passed away. When you wake up in the morning and everything is great and then you remember that sad news. This brought me back to thinking of that feeling too.
Many mornings after Kooper passed I would reach for my belly as I woke up to find it was gone and then having to deal with the reality that He was gone. That everything was ready, his bassinet, his crib and bedroom and a big brother to love on him. Morning after morning this grief would pass over me as I remembered the reality of what happened. I don’t remember how long I did that for but remember it being so painful. Eventually I wouldn’t feel for my baby. But would wake to thinking of Kooper and how I missed him so much and all the What ifs. Greif moves through us and changes us. I don’t usually wake up and think of the baby I miss so much. But daily there is always something that reminds me of him in my life and the way he has changed me and my family. He will always be my baby.