Does Andy have a dad?

The kids favorite move is Toy Story 3.  Kade has always loved the Toy Story movies too. Well today while I made dinner I decided to put in the first Toy Story because Kamryn had never watched it before. She had been around while it was playing but at that time she had no interest in movies. 

I remember myself wondering where the dad was in Toy Story. I remember thinking I wonder if kids even notice and today Kade did. He asked me, "Mom, does Andy have a dad?" I told him, "I don't know, do you think he has one?" Kade replied, "Nope, because I haven't seen him." I then let him think about it a little bit and he said, "Mom I want to see Toy Story 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10. And it Toy Story 10 Andy has a Dad!"

I love his imagination. He then told me that Andy's dad must be at work.

I googled it and came across this article.

I think it is a good thing that they leave it up to the imagination because then each kid could relate it to their own circumstance. Weather their father is always at work, isn't in the picture at all or their Dad passed away. Whatever the situation may be they can make it their own.

Plant

Last week I got an e-mail from my mother-in-law about a plant I received when Kooper passed away. I had completely forgotten about it until she sent me this e-mail.  The plants she refers to (the ones I kept) are dead. That is how much of a green thumb I have. I am mostly blaming it on the fact that in the summer of 2009 while we were in Utah on vacation we turned the A/C off and when we got home our house was 100 degrees inside and all our plants were dead! That is exactly why I don't have any live plants in my house!

Kami

I thought I should write this to you because it happened in my life at one of the times I needed it the most.  I've been pampering Kooper's peace plant since I brought it back from Arizona after Kooper's funeral. You gave it to me cause you had 3 of them and wasn't sure if you would be able to keep them alive. I  almost lost it on the way back from Arizona cause of the heat and the hot sun hitting it in the back of the car. So it did make it from Arizona to Montana in the heat of July.  I replanted it in a bigger pot probably a year after I got it. It never bloomed so I figured it was root bound. I almost lost it a few timesespecially during the insurance construction of our house the months of September through the middle of November 2010. We weren't living here so I would forgetto water it. In November I noticed it was getting new leaves.  Leaves I thought because they were so big. Well it turned out to be 4 blooms, not just little blooms, 4 big blooms.  It bloom's has lasted throughout December and into January. I watered it today and the 4 blooms are as pretty as the first

day. What is weird is that 3 blooms are on top standing straight up. The 4th bloom is lower and seems like it is reaching out because we brush against it every time we pass it. KC the 95 pound moose (her dog)  sniffs it every time he passes it and he makes sure to move away from it when he wags his tail.

it gave me 4 blooms.  It's a special plant and I think of Kooper every time I walk past. I'm glad you gave it to me, I thank you for that living blooming plant. Kooper lives in all of us especially you and Ryan.  Thank you for giving me the plant.

We love and miss you so much.

Love Mom Anita

2 1/2 years

Dear Kooper,

Happy half birthday little monkey! I miss you so much I have a hard time trying to imagine what you would look like and the things you would be doing. The trouble you would be getting into with Kade. I wish you were getting into trouble with Kade. But I know he needs a special guardian angel to watch over him so you can do that job for now! Maybe whisper in his ear to play a little softer and nicer with Kamryn and to clean up his toys more! Yesterday Kamryn walked into my room and picked up a frame that I have on my nightstand. It's a picture from your last ultrasound I had just days before I had you. It says, My heart belongs to mommy! on it.  I told Kamryn, "That's Kooper, that's your brother." I tried to get her to say your name too. Then I showed her a bigger picture of you and she wanted to carry it all around the house and gave it lots of kisses! I am sure she misses you too! I wish you guys would have had the chance to grow up together and play together but I know that you will look out for her too! Keep those boys far far away from her!

You have taught me in the short time you were here with me, much more than I could have ever taught you in a whole lifetime. You are missed greatly and we love you so much! I look forward to the day that we will be together again, our whole family!

Love
Mom

It feels like a long time has passed yet it feels like yesterday. My chest doesn't tighten with anxiety like it used to. It has it's times but it has gotten so much better. My thoughts can go to Kooper and I can still be happy and think of him without crying. He makes me happy but the thought of him not being here makes me sad so thinking about him is so bittersweet. It bring back memories of joy but sadness and so I try to focus on the joy that he has brought to me. 

As I was reading another Angel Mommy's blog as I read her description of how she was feeling on a really bad day when all she could do is sob and cry and nothing was going to make it better only holding her son in her arms it made me flash to those moments in my life. I realized that I didn't blog much about how I felt personally and the heartache. I touched on it a little from what I remember but it was a tough time and luckily it has gotten better and I go longer between sad days. It sounds weird but I don't want to forget those days. As much as they are sad they make Kooper real to me and remind me of what I went through to make me who I am today.

It makes me miss my old house. I can place myself in my room laying in my bed and staring at the wall the held Kade and Kooper's baby pictures. I would just stare and stare and cry and cry and in a way it felt good. It was part of healing all that crying. It is where I realized that Kooper wasn't kicking anymore . It is where I cried myself to sleep. It is where I experienced the hardest trial I have been faced with.



I never wanted to let him go. I wanted to hold and stare at him forever. There are times I just wish I had a clock to rewind the time so I could go back and save him, but I know that it just wasn't part of God's plan. I just have to remind myself of that when those thoughts start to invade my brain.

Keegan's 7 Months

Today when I realized that Keegan was 7 months old  I had to look back on a year ago when Kamryn turned 7 months old.   I was also thinking that Keegan looks so much like Kooper. I still see Kooper in him as he gets bigger. Ryan thinks that Keegan and Kade look alot a like but I look at Keegan and see just a little bit of Kade. I think it's mostly his eyes.  He is such a smiley boy but can turn the scream on like no other. His cry sounds similar to Kamryn's. They play so cute together. Kamryn loves to feed him his bottle even though he can hold it himself.  I looked over at Kamryn and Keegan playing together and thought that they may not even be here yet if I hadn't lost Kooper (that's a whole other post that I might have to go on about another time.) Back on subject! We are so lucky to have Keegan in our life. He has such a sweet spirit. I love it when he is crying and the second I pick him up he quiets down and rests his head on my shoulder and holds tight to my arms like he never wants to let go! I could hold my kids all day if I didn't have other responsibilities!

He is growing so much and learning things everyday! He is seriously going to be crawling any day now...really any day and I am so nervous for that because between Kamryn and Kade the house is always scattered with toys and everything is going to be in his mouth and I am going to have to worry about dog food again! Luckily it didn't take Kamryn long to realize that dog food isn't good. It took Kade quite a bit longer!  I don't know if it's a boy thing but I am hoping that we won't have that problem with Keegan.

He loves to eat and has loved all the baby foods so far!

Today he was laying on his boppy drinking his bottle and I look down and he is sitting up. He must be getting some abs of steel under all those rolls! He is so attentive and locks eyes with you and as soon as you lock eyes he has the biggest smile ready! He is such a flirt and always knows when the ladies talk to him what to do. He will smile..babble a little or giggle! I gotta keep my eye on Ryan when we go places together and I leave him alone...that little boy is a babe magnet! haha
He is saying Dadadada and Babababa....no Mamamam yet. I keep trying though!
 

 

  

 Do you think they look alike?

We love you Keegan!





Cute moments

Yesterday Kamryn was dancing around jabbering and I couldn't figure out what she was singing or doing with her hands and then it hit me. She was singing 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. My Dad started singing it to her when we were up in Utah and now it's her favorite song. She loves the bumped his head part! Please turn the volume down a little because I am singing! haha!!


Keegan started saying Dadadadada over and over the other day. So cute!

Sometimes when life is chaos...which is most of the time at our house I stop and think, Wow would it be crazy if Kooper were here. We would love it but life would be nuts. I wonder what he would be doing? Picking on his little sister? Getting into Kade's toys and messing it all up? Would Kade be nicer to Kamryn because Kooper was picking on her?

Back to school!

So a little bit before Christmas break Kade would complain that his tummy hurt when he didnt't want to do something so he could get out of it.  Well yesterday it was time to go back to school and I got a call from the school nurse telling me that Kade was sick and he felt like he was going to throw up.  I beleive him because indeed he threw up in the classroom just before Christmas break!  I get him and it seems maybe his tummy might be bothering him a little bit but as soon as he gets into the car he is a hppy boy with no tummy ache in sight! I tell him that when we get home he is going to lay down. He quickly adds that he wants to watch TV and I tell him No TV because he is sick and needs his rest. He then tells me that he doesn't have a tummy ache anymore. I warned him that I would take him back to school since he was feeling better. I probably should have only there was less than an hour left and I didn't want to take him back to have to pick him up shortly after. He then complained that he hates school and doesn't want to go tomorrow. 
So this morning when he woke up he cried and whined about it all morning. He said, "If I go to school my tummy will hurt!" I reassured him that it wouldn't hurt and that he only goes to the nurses office if it hurts REALLY bad. I also warned him that I would not be picking him up from school and that he would be staying there all day.  I am a mom and I can pretty much tell when he is lying and telling the truth because he is NOT a good liar (thank goodness and hopefully it stays that way!) So I am hoping that things went better today. I tried to get out of him if he got in trouble or what he really didn't like about school yesterday. He usually loves it so it was kiind of odd. I think his tummy may have hurt just a little (probably from eating too fast so he could get out to recess) beacuse he went out to recess and that's when he started feeling sick and went to the nurse. What kids doesn't want to go to recess??  I think it triggered into his mind if he was sick enough he could come home and play. Maybe he got used to hanging out with all of us and just wanted to be back home with his family.
It reminds me of the poem in the book Where the Sidewalk Ends.

Sick, by Shel Silverstein

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

I am hoping he will be back to the old Kade that LOVES to go to school so I don't have to worry about it anymore!

Goals for 2011

It has been kind of nice not having to worry about blogging everyday. When something happens I catch myself thinking...Oh I could blog about that! I have thought about blogging a lot. I haven't had a lot of things go through my head of ideas or things I want to share. I forgot to put in an older post that Kade named his pillow pet after my sister Ashley. Anyways now that I have that documented onto what I really have been wanting to blog about.....

My goals for 2011!

I really have been having a hard time with setting these goals...partly because I want them to be realistic and achievable.  I went back and looked at last years goals and I only achieved 1 maybe 2 of them. I think I had too many things to work on and not enough motivation.

Goals for 2011

• Be a better wife and mother.  I think sometimes I take my kids for granted and spend way too much time checking FB, blogger or just blogging in general.
• My major thing this year is getting my food storage in order. That statement sounds completely wrong because I have no food storage, only what is already in my cupboards, which is not enough. So any helpful hints and advice on food storage would be greatly appreciated because I have a LONG way to go!
• Work out more! With each baby I have kept 5 pounds and with my turn around time of getting pregnant that didn't do so well on the body! So with working out I hope to shed some of these pounds and by not getting pregnant again, hopefully I will continue to lose some weight and not gain?! I have had a hard time watching what I eat because for 3 years straight I was pregnant and watching what I ate was never a thought. I had reason to eat what I wanted when I wanted but now I am almost 7 months post pregnancy and no where near where I wanted to be.  So hopefully instead of sleeping in many mornings maybe I can gain some motivation and get off my booty and do something! Along with getting into shape I want to learn to love myself despite the negative things I see/think.  I have had a hard time with my body image and hopefully by doing things to improve it like exercising and trying to eat better I will see results and learn to love myself more and not be so hard on myself.

So those are the big ones for the year. There are some smaller goals I hope to accomplish that I have written down.

Happy New Year! I don't really like writing that. I think I could have kept going on with December forever. I loved having time off work visiting family, eating junk, playing games, having Ryan off work, hanging out with my parents and sisters. I loved having the Trees up and all the Christmas decorations out. I took them down yesterday and now the house feels empty in a way. The stores are empty of all the Christmas stuff and now are full of workout and diet stuff because everyone new years resolution is: Get in shape! Kind of like mine! ha! So sad and depressing. Maybe just to me because I love to eat....the problem is that I don't really like to eat healthy!

Oh well I can't stop time from moving on. I have the whole year to look forward to and all these goals to achieve so wish me luck!