Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day!

Valentines day is not in my top 5 holidays but it is still a fun holiday. Ryan knows that I am not a flower kind of girl. I love flowers but I hate that many times they are expensive and they just die. Especially since I have nothing close to a green thumb! If anything my thumb has gotta be brown because that is what color all my flowers or plants end up being! Don't get me wrong flowers make me smile, especially when they are for no reason....but I would rather the money be spent on something else like a date!

I think it is neat having a holiday just to celebrate the one you love and your relationship but really it shouldn't require a holiday to to something extra special for that person. But it is one and I have always enjoyed the day. A few of my favorite Valentines memories as a kid are:

The Valentine's Tea in Elementary school. We had to wear our Sunday best. So we got to wear dresses!

In second grade there was a snow day so we didn't have to go to school and I went out in the 2 or more feet of snow to hand deliver valentines to my friends.

Making Valentines boxes to take to school that each kid would put a Valentines in for each classmate.

One year we got a Super Nintendo for Valentines day from my parents.

Happy Valentines Day to my Valentine! I love you!

The kids!

Keegan and Kamryn are starting to play more and more. They get mad at each other for taking eachothers toy. Neither of them really know how to share yet. Kamryn tells him No No and he laughs at her.

Ms. Crazy Hair this morning!

Look at me mom!

Today Kade was looking at Keegan and said, "Mom, that's my shirt when I was a baby." he must have remembered seeing pictures of himself in the same outfit.

Poor buddy had a fall this morning and got a little carpet burn! :(

 The new table. It has chalkboard paint on top!

 I hate the flash because my kids always blink when I try and take their picture!

 Keegan is already pullhg himsefl up to stand..YIKES!

Last but not least today Kade told me, "I want Kamryn to be big so we can fight!" Oh great! They already wrestle and I can barely handle that!

 

Unexpected

Today I got the mail and the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS) logo caught my attention on a piece of mail. I got in the car and immediately opened it wondering what it was.  This is what it was....

And then I cried...yes right there in the car. It was unexpected and I am so appreciative for the donation to this foundation that has blessed me with beautiful pictures of my son Kooper. It made me think of if I didn't have them taken or if NILMDTS didn't exist and all I had were the pictures I took. It would be okay but I wouldn't have those professional photos that I display all over my home. The photographer was so awesome and she did an amazing job touching them up to make Kooper look like he was only sleeping.  I am so grateful for them and for all those that donate to such a wonderful cause, especially one very close to my heart!

4 kids

Today as I was driving in the car with the kids I was telling Kade about this kids table that I was going to pick up from someone who was about to send it off to Goodwill. I told him that it had four chairs. Kade says, "But mom you only have 3 kids....Oh wait, you have four! Kooper, he's in heaven. " I love that he remebers him even if it as times where it doesn't exactly matter because it makes me smile to know that he thinks of his brother often.

Earlier today I read a blog of another Angel Mommy who lost her first child and how her second child reminds them if they accidentally forget to mention his older sister in their prayers. It makes me wonder how I can help Kamryn and Keegan come to know that they have another brother that is in heaven watching over them. I want them to know Kooper too and remember him like Kade remembers him.

8 Months old!

I have been telling people that Keegan is 8 months old for a while now. I guess he seems older than he is to me and I'm the one that doesn't want him to grow up! Keegan is just growing up way too fast. Just in the past week and a half he has started crawling and really fast, clapping and learning how to do new things everyday. It makes me sad that my little baby is growing so fast! He is starting to get mad when you take away things that he isn't supposed to have. Before he could care less and find something else to chew on. He is sleeping good some nights, other nights he sleeps good, only he wants to sleep on our comfy bed and not his crappy crib mattress. We are hoping this doesn't last too much longer. His teeth might be bothering him. He melts my heart with his smile. He is such a lovey baby and loves to snuggle up. He loves to grab my hair or necklace and play with them. Lately he has been chewing on his fingers or putting whatever he can in his mouth (including my hair or my necklace!) He is such a good baby. He has his moments but honestly I couldn't have asked for a  better little guy. Either I have gotten good at this mom thing or God has blessed me with a good baby because he knows I need it with the kids being so close together. I am thinking it is the second one. I didn't get pictures of Keegan today because I was sleeping most of the day since I worked last night and tonight. Maybe I will manage to get some of the cutie tomorrow!

So...a few days ago Keegan had a major blowout! I mean major. I had to throw his outfit away it was so bad. Luckily the outfit was barely fitting so I wasn't too sad about getting rid of it. He has usually been a backed up kind of kid in that department especially since switching him to formula. I can feel two little bumps on his bottom gums so I think this stinky situation has something to do with teething. 

Keegan is starting to play more and more with Kade and Kamryn. A few weeks ago Kade was playing with his Tech Decks, (I think that's what they are called) those finger skateboards. Well Keegan was laying on the floor just staring at him. He looked so amazed. Kade went and got one for Keegan to play with and Keegan didn't put it in his mouth one time. Usually anything he can get his hands on goes straight to his mouth. He just sat there and played with it, trying to make it do cool tricks like Kade. It was so cute.

I love this little guy and wish he would stay in this stage forever! He is a charmer! I will have to update this post later with his height and weight as I didn't have a chance to get that done today either! Hey at least I got a blog post right???

Little reminders

Everyday I have little things that remind me of Kooper. Not everyday is it something that specifically represents him.  I have an account on babycenter.com. I have been on babycenter since before I became pregnant with Kade. You put in the dates or due dates of you children and then they have birth boards for the month and year that your baby is due so you can ask questions and compare things to other moms throughout the baby years. So after Kooper died I went to the stillbirth boards to find comfort. Comfort in knowing that someone else understood what I had gone through. What I found was not that. Many, not all but many didn't have much belief of the afterlife or their belief's weren't strong. So these boards ended up not doing me much good because their feelings were so different then mine although we still stood on some common ground.  So after that I never followed the birth boards much. I couldn't go to Kooper"s and see all these ladies complain about their baby because I would have given ANYTHING to have my baby not sleep a minute of the night. Although I very well know I would have been complaining if I was in their shoes. Being a Mom isn't easy.  I have entered Keegan and Kamryn's information in and every week I get an update about what they might be doing developmentally. I still get them for Kooper. It is one of those reminders.  Today i received a Huggies pamphlet not only for Kamryn but for Kooper too. It doesn't say his name on it but it is for the potty training years.

When I became pregnant with Kooper I signed up for Huggies coupons. You put in your information about your expected due date and start receiving samples and coupons. I still get them for Kooper. It doesn't really make me sad. Because lets be honest who wants to be potty training an almost 3 year old??? It's bittersweet because it reminds me of what could have been or would have been and what stage he would be in. But anytime I get a reminder that Kooper is real and that he is my baby it makes me happy.

Tonight as Kade was saying his prayers the first thing that he said was, "I'm thankful for Kooper." and then the last thing he said was, "I hope Kooper has awesome balloons!" (today we went to Chick-a-fillet and he and Kamryn got balloons and he kept talking about letting the balloons go to Kooper.) Before he said his prayers he was facing his Kooper monkey and I am pretty sure that reminded him of  his little brother.

Last night as I tucked Kade in to bed I had Keegan in my arms and I told Kade that in a few years he would be able to have a roommate, Keegan! And that Keegan could sleep on the pull-out trundle bed.  I told him that if Kooper were here and alive that he would be as big as Sara Jane and that he would be big enough to share a room and sleep in a big boy bed. He smiled and said, "But Mom, He's in heaven!" I smiled back thinking, I know, silly me!

Fun weekend

It is so weird when you go from blogging every day to blogging whenever you have make time to blog. I feel like I have missed out on documenting so many happenings from my weekend and I don't want to forget them. So lets start off with Thursday!

Thursday:
Keegan started crawling. He hasn't gotten much better or faster yet (which is definitely a good thing!). I thought for sure when I got back from Utah he would be all over the place but luckily he isn't going to fast only a few crawls and then he goes down to his tummy! Kade kinked his neck for the first time pretty bad. He just stayed on the couch all night trying not to move because it hurt. He asked me if I could give him a blessing and I told him I couldn't but I bet Daddy would when he got home from work. He started to cry and asked when Daddy would be home. I told him that if he wanted we could say a prayer in the meantime and he was satisfied with that, until he realized that just because you say a prayer it won't make the pain go away instantly!

Friday:
I left to go to Utah for my sisters baby shower. I took Kamryn along with me for a little girls weekend. I had a very neat experience. People always say it's a small world but I think that people are put in our paths for a reason.
Not too long after Kooper passed away I received an e-mail from a women in Utah that had a stillborn baby girl just months before I had Kooper. She will never know how much her e-mails meant to me. They inspired me and I only hoped that I could help others as much as she had helped me. She started a blog site that had links to other Angel Mommy blogs and there I was able to see others experiences and relate to them when I felt like I was the only person that was going through this. Little did I know how common stillbirth really was. So anyway back to the present. As I boarded on the airplane I began searching for an empty row so that someone could "choose" to sit by someone with a baby. As I was walking back someone who looks familiar says to me, "Are you Kooper's mom?" and I am sure my face lit up because it isn't very often that I get asked that. Actually I don't think I have ever been asked that. I immediately knew who she was even before I answered, "yes" and she told me, "I'm Savannah's mom!" She had a layover in Phoenix and we ended up on the same flight. It was so nice to talk to her in person. She is such a sweet girl and so pretty. She was also very nice to help me with Kamryn. Kamryn didn't do so well on the flight. She did okay but could have done better. Unfortunately we sat at the gate for 30 minutes before the plane even moved. It was also during Kamryn's nap time and I think it might have been bothering her ears a little bit. Luckily the flight wasn't too long. I wish it were longer and that I didn't have Kamryn because I could have talked to her for hours.

My Mom and little sister Ashley picked us up from the airport and we went to my favorite place to eat in Utah, Crown Burger. Then we did a little shopping which is always fun.

Saturday:
We  had Ashley's baby shower. It was a lot of fun to see lots of family many of them I hadn't seen in a while and I got to hold 2 cute little newborns! Oh how I wish my babies would stay that small forever! So sweet!

While I was having fun in Utah Ryan took Kade to Monster Jam, the monster truck show. They had a lot of fun. Ryan said next year the whole family is going to go!

Sunday:
We spent more time with family and then we had to wake up bright and early Monday morning at 3:30 am so that I could be at the airport in time for my 6:50am flight. Thanks Mom and Dad for waking up so early and driving me to the airport! Kamryn did a little better this time but I don't want to have to fly with her again anytime soon!

So that's it! It was a great weekend. Loved seeing my family. I can't wait for baby Maleaha to be born!