I can't beleive a made it a whole month posting every day. 1 down 11 to go!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I can't beleive a made it a whole month posting every day. 1 down 11 to go!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Spread the word!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Fast forward to later tonight, we were watching TV and the Glad trash bag commercial came on. Kade says, "See Mom, Don't get mad, get glad!"
Sometime kids are so cute....then he tried to get me to stay longer by asking if I would read him scriptures.
We pass people on the street everyday, we don't know there situation and it is amazing when people open their shell and tell us about their experience and how much we can actually relate to a strangers trial. I would have never guessed that my patient had experienced something similar, although her experience was much different because they handled it so differently 30 years ago, but the heartache is still the same.
Sometimes I wish people just knew about Kooper, but then maybe no one would want to talk to me. Or they mighte not want to bring up how many children I have, or ask questions that might bring up Kooper because it makes them feel uncomfortable.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
So things are great. The placenta is right where Kamryn's was and I think God knows that for me to be not as crazy paranoid as I would have been that it needed to be there. Kamryn's placenta was in the front of my uterus and I don't know exactly where Kade and Kooper's was, but not there. So I am thankful for that. I talked with one of the perinatologist after and she let me know that I will be taken care of just as I had been with Kamryn. She said the chance of having another cord accident is so unlikely but she didn't want to be the doctor to say that and not have me watched closely and then have it happen again. She was really nice.
He was moving like crazy in there. He is measuring 6 days bigger, but I am not surprised since at my first ultrasound they moved my due date back based on it. I am sure it will stay the same, but that's fine with me.
I am feeling pretty good about things and am just so happy that everything looks good.Here are a few shots of our little guy. We also got a reconfirmation that he definately is a he!
This one is a profile view and he has his hand resting on his forehead.
Here is his hand. At one point he was just doing the thumbs up!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Kade then pointed out that I have three babies, Kooper, Kamryn and the one in my tummy! He is a funny boy. We still haven't completely decided on a name yet. We are leaning towards using both of them. Ryan even considered waiting until he was born to decide for sure, but honestly I hate referring to him as anything but a name. I don't really know what my deal is. I just want him to have a name. Last night I dreamt that we used the name I like, Krue. But I think it will probably end up being Keegan Krue Perry. Then he can go by whatever he wants, or we can call him whatever seems to fit better. Ryan thinks its funny because if you say the first and middle name together fast it sounds German, especially if you are using a German accent. I don't know, guess we will continue the discussion and one day agree completely on something.
One reason I like Krue over Keegan is that Krue sounds more masculine to me. Also I don't want anyone shortening his name and calling him Keeg. I have never been one to shorten names or use nicknames. I call my older sister BreeAnn, rarely do I call her Bree. I never shorten Kamryn's name. You can't shorten Kade's. Anyways I just like Krue and that's that, but Krue Keegan Perry doesn't sound as good.
I am a little nervous about the ultrasound tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes and post some pics.
Hopefully I will get to bed early. I didn't get much sleep last night and tomorrow is an early morning (at least for me).
Just now I decided that I am not going to put up a poll but you can tell me (leave a comment) what name you like better....haha I don't want it to be anonymous! If you don't like either name you can leave a suggestion for a name you do like, but remember it has to start with a K!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
So I just finished the book The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. I loved it! You don't even realize where the title of the book comes until almost the last chapter. It was really a great book. I had a hard time getting into the book for the first few chapters, but once I started reading I was hooked and finished within a few days. I love those kind of books, but why do they always have to be sad too? All of my favorite books about love or family end up being sad! I want to read Dear John next. I am excited to see the movie The Last Song with Miley Cyrus playing the main character Ronnie. It comes out on April 2nd, a few days before my birthday, guess you know what I will be doing for my birthday!
I love to compare the books to the movies. The book always wins but it's still fun. The part I don't like is that Ryan won't read these books, nor does he have time so when we watch the movie I am always wanting to add my two sense and tell him what was going on that they didn't really portray in the movie. I am so bad at that! I think Ryan likes it though. Then again he always is trying to ask me questions that will be answered if he will wait a few minutes... Hopefully I will get a babysitter lined up so we can actually go out on a date and see the movie in the theater.
I give this book 5 stars!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Cute little SJ!
Best buddies Sumner and Kade
Friday, January 22, 2010
I just wanted to share the video with all of you. Grab some tissues. I sat crying like a baby while watching this!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
So the doctor left and went to order the shot and have one of the nurses get it ready. While she was gone Kade and I talked about the shot and he then said he wanted medicine. I knew the medicine wasn't going to work out and I was pretty sure they had already got the shot already so we still went with it. Well Kade had a HUGE fit and screamed and kicked and I was trying to hold him down and the nurse turns to me and says, "I'm going to go get someone else because I know your pregnant and I don't want him to hurt you."
Okay right then and there what I wanted to say a few things. Number 1: I'm not pregnant. (even though I am but I wanted to make her feel like crap because I do have a little belly coming along but I see alot of girls that look alot like me and I'm pretty sure they aren't pregnant) Plus it is a rule unless you know for sure (which how in the heck would she have known. I haven't told anyone in that office) or it is VERY apparent you don't say something about someone being pregnant. Granted she was right, but still! There was a good chance I just still have baby weight from Kamryn. And number 2: I would know better than anyone if my son was going to hurt me.
Anyways all I'm saying is that lady either is psychic or has a lot of guts to tell someone she knows they are pregnant.
Back on the subject. I am glad I went with the shot. If I could pick for all of my kids I think I would go with the shot! It's 1 shot and I don't have to worry about going to the pharmacy wait a half hour or longer and then forgetting to give it to him or having to hold him down twice a day to force 2 teaspoons of nastiness in his mouth and hope he doesn't spit it in my face. I love the shot....of course it wasn't me getting a shot in my rear end, but honestly now that it's over he doesn't care and I don't have to fight with him!
One more thing...never had a doctor request this one before. She wants me to bring Kade back for a follow-up in two weeks to see if his ear infection cleared up....I didn't schedule anything because in the past four years they have never requested that....and if his ear still hurts and he has a fever of course there is a problem and I will bring him back, probably sooner than two weeks. I think that she just wants more money....some doctors. Please tell me if I'm wrong but that is what is sounds like to me.
Kade is worried that he wouldn't be able to go cuckie (his word for poop) with a bandaid on his rear end. When I took the bandaid off he exclaimed, "I can go cuckie now!" He was also worried that he wasn't going to be able to play with his friends because he couldn't run or walk fast enough. Well when the bandaid came off he walked super fast around the room and said, "I can walk fast like Dash (from the Incredibles)!"
All is well with the shots tonight!
Rain is still going at it and my muddy dirt backyard and our front walkway to our house are flooded...oh well at least it's not coming in the house. Hopefully one day we will be able to finish the backyard. Off to wash bottles....
Have a great RAINY day!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
While I was making the muffins I heard the rain. I love it when it rains....usually. I loved it when it was raining earlier today. It stopped for a while and I didn't realize that it had started up again. It got me thinking of Kooper. Of that night, that night that feels alot like tonight does. Ryan is at work right now and I am home with the kids.
That afternoon and evening there was a big monsoon storm. Ryan stayed at work a little late since he only had a few work days before I was going to be induced and he would be taking some time off to help with the baby. He was also hoping it would be a "typical" AZ rainstorm, where it rains and then minutes later it has stopped. It never really did. He still ended up getting soaked running out to his car. I remember waiting for him to get home hearing the rain outside. All these feelings are just flooding back to me. I remember the drive to the hospital. I made Ryan stay home with Kade since he was asleep and it was nearly midnight. No more rain but the roads still pretty wet. Praying and hoping to feel my baby start kicking. Praying that he would stop playing this game of stillness and just start flipping around like normal. Telling myself that everything is going to be fine. Thinking I felt a little movement and contemplating turning around to go back home, but I wasn't positive that I felt him move for sure. Plus I was hoping to get checked and be admitted because I was dilated so far that they couldn't let me go back home. I had that small ounce of hope that I wasn't feeling him move because I was supposed to go in and get checked and I would be so dilated that they needed to keep me and I would be having my baby boy. I remember praying everyday that week that I would just go into labor. That if he was ready to come out then he would.
Not only were my hopes and dreams crushed that night but so was my heart. I can still feel that immense physical pain sometimes. Especially when I am having a night like tonight. I want him so badly. I want to see his smiling face.
As I tucked Kade in his bed tonight Kamryn was laying by him and he really wanted her to sleep in his room that night. It made me think that he would have a brother here to do that with. To share his room giggle with each other as they tried to fall asleep. I miss him so much. Many times I get so busy that I don't ponder as much on the horrible feelings of what happened. I usually think of him and I miss him but I still feel happy and can continue on, tonight was different. Tonight I just kept thinking about him even as I was busy cleaning and caring for Kade and Kamryn I couldn't stop thinking about him, which isn't a bad thing but I kept thinking about that night and it just made me sad. I don't have many days where I just feel sad and can't bring myself to be happy or to think of the good things. To think about the positive things. To think of what a wonderful place he is in, and how he has changed my life and so many others for the better. I just have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that yearns to be with him. I am glad Ryan will be home soon, to comfort me and tell me he misses him too, and to let me cry on his shoulder and give me a nice big hug.
I miss you Kooper. Mommy loves you soo very much! XOXOXO
This blog is for me. It is for my journaling of our life and to share what we are doing with our family that is spread across the US. It's also for angel mommy's out there that just want to read about other moms that have lost a baby, but mostly so that I can look back on the memories. And just in case I never scrapbook again (it's been a very long time). I have this to look back on!
The first part of the assignment is to post a picture of yourself without make-up. Not a hard thing for me to find! Half the time I don't have enough make-up on to hide a zit or any blemishes. Many times you will find me without mascara...the truth is that I hate removing it at the end of the day. I am that lazy which leads to the second part of the assignment.
So I went this with one because honestly I couldn't find a picture that I don't have any makeup on. I found some that people would guess I didn't have make-up on but I actually did. So this is the last picture I have of me without makeup on.
Revealing your true self, the things most people wouldn't put on their blog. Like I am lazy. I hate to clean although it drives me nuts to have a dirty house I have no problem taking a nap or going to bed with it a mess. I would rather blog, or read a good book, or find an excuse not to. For example right now I really need to fix lunch, do the dishes, and do some house cleaning, but I am blogging! The one thing that keeps me cleaning though is my very slightly OCD husband (I know, it's not about him, this is about me.) who must have the counter tops clear and clean!If you dropped by my house without any notification or anytime right before Ryan is expected to come home you will find my counter tops dirty, toys scattered across the living room and random toys throughout the house. Piles of folded clothes on the couch because I am too lazy to actually put them away. Unorganized drawers and cupboards, and me without make-up in sweats. Yes, it's true. I only get dressed in Regular clothes and put on make-up to leave the house. As soon as I get home on goes my comfy pants. Especially being pregnant for the past 3 years this has become a habit, because comfy pants are a must if you are sitting at home. Also why dirty a pair of pants cleaning or watching TV or to have a baby spit up all over you or a child rub their orange cheetoed fingers on your shirt?
The funny thing is although that is the way I am....(lazy), I love to dress nicely and go out with my husband or friends. I love it when they house is clean and everything is neat and tidy and organized. I love to organize things. But the truth and the fact of the matter is, I'm lazy or would rather do something else.
Other things might be the fact that I cry pretty much every day. Sometimes it is over the sappy insurance commercial or sometimes it is over nothing. I am so emotional all the time. The littlest things bring back a memory or just hit me in a certain way that makes me miss Kooper. My sister Bree mentioned to me when she gave me the game Argue for Christmas that I have an opinion on everything. I never realized it until she said it, but I guess I do. So to everybody out there who thinks I am shy and quiet, although I am, if I know you well I will tell you my opinion on anything and everything.
That's the real me. I am working on the laziness part. It is truly a struggle for me. But I am working on it. Let me know if you have any tips!
I am adding this to the end of the challenge. Go ahead ask me anything, any question(s) you want. You can even e-mail it to me. I will make a new post with all the questions and I will give you my REAL answer. I will only hold back if I know it will truly hurt someone.
Monday, January 18, 2010
I just got home from work. I had a longer drive than usual because the lab I normally work at is being remodeled. It was kind of nice because there was a Dunkin' Donuts by the lab I was at last night so on my way home I got a maple donut....YUM! As I was driving and enjoying my donut these thoughts rambled through my head and for some reason I felt the urge to blog about them.
So to start off with, I don't, I mean I hate to drive in the dark. I feel like people can't see me. Like they are all half asleep and are going to start driving into my lane. Or I feel like an animal is going to jump out and I am going to hit it. Anyways so as I was thinking about all these crazy drivers I started to have morbid thoughts. What if I died? And all those other questions that go along with that like, What would Ryan do? How would my kids react? How could they grow up without a mother? And on and on and on. Just horrible things you don't want to think about.
These thoughts made me think about how much I love my kids and how much I LOVE to be a MOM! I love to feel needed and wanted, almost like the whole world could come crashing down if I wasn't there to save the day. Sometimes there are days where I ask myself, What am I doing? I feel like a horrible mom. I don't have the patience I need to have. I don't pay attention to them as much as I should. I am annoyed and yell at them. I feel inadequate. I feel like I can't do anything right (like when I made lasagna last night and it turned out HORRIBLE) or I don't have the motivation. But then I think I don't know where I would be without them. If Ryan and I didn't have kids and could do whatever whenever. Or what if we waited a little longer to have kids? I thought about it and I wouldn't have it any other way. It made me realize how much they mean to me and how important they are. Of course I do know that they are everything to me and soo very important. But sometimes I let life get to me and I have a bad day and just forget that very thing that I already know. That they will still love and forgive me through my faults and that I am their Mommy!
I love them to pieces. They are so cute and bring such joy and happiness to our family. I love being a Mom!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Kamryn is now holding her bottle! Well when she wants to and isn't half asleep! She has a little bug friend that she loves. When she hasn't seen her in a while and I bring it to her she reaches for it and then it keeps her entertained for quite a while.
This little bug helps me get alot done or saves my sanity sometimes!
Asleep in the shopping cart sideways with her bug!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Kade and Ryan.....look alike just a little bit???? I took this picture of Kade the other day and it made me think of this picture of Ryan from when he was a kid.
Friday, January 15, 2010
I didn't really think there was a big problem with it. I was a little worried he might end up calling some random person that name. We started kind of correcting him and to get him to call him another name. But it really didn't come up that often. We were really lucky that he didn't see a strange looking man in the store resembling his Mii character and then Kade saying loudly, "It's pedophile!" and then point at him. I would have just died!
So Ryan was telling someone at work what Kade was saying and this person told Ryan that we need to give Pedophile a new name, like George. So that night Ryan came home and we gave him the name George (no offence to anyone named George). Ryan wanted to test Kade out and kept asking Kade, "Who is that?" Kade would say George, but Ryan wanted him to point out who George was because there were other Mii characters up on the screen. So he said, "Which one is George?" and Kade replied, "Pedophile." I am glad that George has a new name now! He isn't as interested in being George anymore. He likes to be his own Mii character.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
So I stole this from Jessica's blog who stole it from someone elses blog. I thought it was a cool idea and it kind of makes you look back on the past decade and all the events that happen in your life. So here is a little timeline of the last decade for me.
Went to the ocean (Oregon Coast) for the first time EVER!
Got my driver's license.
Ryan left for Arizona.
I went on a few dates with someone other than Ryan.
We decided that dating others wasn't what we wanted and began a long distance relationship.
Finished High School a semester early!
Got engaged to Ryan.
Got a half tuition scholarship to the Art Institute of Phoenix.
Graduated from High School.
Got married to Ryan!
Moved to AZ.
Started school at the Art Institute in Interior Design.
Decided after a semester that it wasn't the best field to go into considering the economic outlook.
Gave birth to my first son Kade.
Went on a trip to Washington for a friends wedding. (first trip for me to Washington.)
Started school to be a Respiratory Therapist.
Moved to our first home.
Got pregnant again!
Graduated from school in Respiratory Therapy.
Gave birth to my second son, Kooper and days later had to bury my sweet little baby.
Got my first Respiratory Therapy job as a sleep tech.
Got Pregnant again!
Gave birth to my only daughter Kamryn.
My family dog growing up died.
Got pregnant yet again! (wow do I see a trend going on here???)
And here we are 2010. I am sure I missed a few things. I hope to not have so many babies in the next decade and have lots of fun and adventures with my family!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Notice I haven't called him by a name yet?? It was funny because when Ryan got home from work last night. I told him everybody is asking for a name, since we always have names picked out before we know what the gender is. And Ryan immediately said, you mean Keegan's name. I just smiled. He knows I am not set on the name and that I prefer another name. He was pretty busy last night trying to catch up on work since he has been in a training class so last night we didn't get to discuss the "name issue". I am sure that conversation will come very soon. And I will let you know when we both agree on a name!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A little leg.... I took pictures of the ultrasounds because I was being too lazy to scan them in! Sorry! The money shot picture kept uploading side ways even though I have it saved the correct way so sorry no money shot on the blog!
So we got called back shortly after and at first I thought I saw boy parts then I thought I saw no boy parts, but then when he paused to put in if it was a boy or girl, I saw boy parts and it's a BOY! Many of you were right. Ryan and my Mom were right! And so was the Chinese gender calendar.
As for the name...Ryan and I still disagree. I am sure he will get his way and I will get to pick the middle name. I agreed when we had Kamryn that if we have a boy we would name him Keegan but I am leaning towards other names....we'll see....
Ryan was so excited to find out it was a boy. I am just happy the baby is doing well. I am in a way happy that Kamryn is our only girl though. My little princess!
On the way home Kade said he thought it was a girl. But I remember when I first told him I was pregnant he wanted a brother!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Who of us (Kooper and I) is making more of a sacrifice? He or I? I think he is. At time I think he has it so much easier. He gets to be in heaven. He doesn't have to be tested anymore. He doesn't have Satin trying to get him to do even the little things that can slowly get you to stray away. He doesn't have to wish he could see me. But what he did sacrifice is not being tested. Right now he is watching us and in a way I am sure wishing he could experience what we have but then on the other hand he has to watch us struggle through life and hope and pray that we will stay on the right path so that in the millennium we can be his parents and raise him and let him experience and learn the lessons of life, be a kid, play in the dirt, play cars. Because right now he is in the most beautiful place but he isn't a kid. He is an adult spirit. He is doing the Lord's work right now. I am sure he loves to do it. But don't we all wish we were a carefree kid again?
Sorry that kind of went off on a tangent. Can you tell I have been reading about the spirit world?
I just wanted to express to you how much I miss you! How much you have changed my life, for the good. I wish you were here to play with Kade. He misses you too. I show Kamryn your picture often and tell her about you. Your Dad and I talk about you often and I still wish I could just scoop you up in my arms. You would get to go to nursery next Sunday (that's crazy for me to think about)!
Know that you are missed. Know that you are loved. Visit when you can! I love you to infinity!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I have an appointment this week and my doctor has older ultrasound machines in his rooms and will almost always use them to just let you see your baby. So I am crossing my fingers that maybe we will be able to tell if it's a boy or girl! I was contemplating having it be a surprise, but anybody that knows Ryan or I, knows we are not patient at all. Plus I am pretty good at being able to see "the parts" on ultrasounds. So I would probably end up finding out anyways and then telling Ryan!
He is hoping for a boy. I am hoping for either but a girl would be better in my mind because we already have EVERYTHING and they can share a room! So it would be easier for a girl but I just want a happy, healthy baby!
Please, Please, Please leave a comment at what gender you guessed and the reason why you guessed it, if you have one!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Notice the "poop bag" Ryan is swinging around!
Kade pushing Kamryn in the stroller. They both loved it. Kamryn just sat back and enjoyed the scenery!
Kamryn waiting patiently while Kade played on the playground at the park. I got her out and let Kade go down one of the smaller slides with her. I think I might start going outside more often, if the weather stays this nice. I didn't realize how good Kamryn was in the stroller.